cant cope with alcolic wife,any help?

Question

who can i turn to for help

Answer 1

Alanon is for family and friends of Alcoholics

Answer 2

Al Anon is a good organization. Do you go to church? Have a church home? A best friend? A sibling you're close to or just someone you trust that you can talk to? Whatever you do don't let it build up. Have you tried to talk to your wife? Does she know how you feel? Does she acknowledge she has a problem?

I was married to an alcoholic for nearly 16 years. When we were first married I didn't realize how bad his drinking was. It took me only 6 weeks to realize the extent of it. He had drank for several years prior to the marriage. We've been divorced almost 3 years and he still drinks. He has been through 2 rehabilitation programs and still goes back to drinking. There have been several time he has called his parents "because he needed to sober up". they would come and get him, take him to their house for a few days and help him sober up. Within a few weeks he's back to his same old habit. (Oh by the way, his excuse for drinking was so he could sleep.) If you haven't already, something you will notice is that they blame you, they blame their past, their parents, friends, etc. Anyone but themselves. I also found that the alcoholic feels like they don't have a problem so they don't need counseling or help from anyone. Everyone around them are the ones that have a problem and need counseling.

If you love her and leaving isn't an answer, try to get to the root of the problem. When did she start drinking? Is it possible she has a chemical imbalance? Alcoholism is a sickness, it's a disease, just like cancer. It can kill, by drinking yourself to death or getting behind the wheel of a vehicle and having an accident. It's terminal, it never completely goes away. Even if a person stops drinking and stays sober for years, the alcoholism tendency/trait is still there. The difference is that they finally admitted to themselves they have a problem and they have worked to get it under control and continue to work to keep it under control.

Get into Al Anon and find a sponsor. It will help you better understand the alcoholic and how subconsciuosly as the spouse we "support" their drinking. You will learn how to better cope with the situation. Best of luck! I hope all works out the way you want it to. Prayer also helps and changes things. Remember to pray wholeheartedly.

Answer 3

The problem is that if your wife can not admit that she has a problem than she wont be able to get over this, She really has to accept that there is a problem before she can even start to want to get over this problem.
I would try talking to her or even writing her a letter explaining how you really feel and outline the effects her drinking has on your marriage, If she really loves you and wants to save the marriage she should than accept that she has a problem and will get help.
Maybe suggest that you will support her through the process of getting better, Maybe if she has your support she will feel stronger and will be able to face getting better.
Give her the understanding that she needs, and hopefully very soon she will be the person that you fell in love with
good luck

Answer 4

Lots of really good advice here, all I would add is: First of all don't let her drive, take her car keys away from her otherwise she will probably end up killing not only herself but other innocent people as well. Secondly, don't give her any money, otherwise you are just encouraging her to buy drink. Finally, if necessary, drag her and yourself to the doctors. You both need help and don't imagine for one minute that you can cure her yourself, you can't, she is suffering a double addiction. chemical and psychological and unless you are a trained psychologist you are not the man for the job. She needs and should get professional help and quickly.

Answer 5

I feel for you .Ive been in that situation. First & foremost if you have any children don't let her care for them if you think she'll drink. Al-anon is good. But the ultamite decision for your happiness is up to you. You can try & threaten to leave her but be willing to go through with it at least for a few days. I left an alcoholic & I do still love him but my life is so much better now.10 years later he calls my daughter only when hes drunk but not before blaming me for all the problems in his life. I haven't seen him in 4 years but they have to blame someone.Your wife has an addiction & thats sad but that shouldn't ruin your life & your kids or future kids & take it from me if she doesn't stop it will. GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

I was the alcoholic so my advice is to leave. Let her see what she is doing. It took me along time to get sober and alot of bad things, I mean bad things to get me right. He has forgiven me and we are happier then we have ever been, Dec 19 will be a year for me. It has to be ugly, there is no easiness about it. You can't change it she has to. Sorry, we went to counseling together and got it all out, it helped but it was still me who had to stop and family was more important to me then drinking. She has to realize what she will lose for her drinking and if you aren't there she will either drink heavily or maybe she will wake up and see what a wonderful husband she has.... Good luck

Answer 7

I agree with most of the others. Al anon is a real help. Give it a real chance, you may have to try a few different meetings before you find the right one, but believe me, it really helps. Al anon saved my sanity.
It also helps if you can find a friend to talk to who is non judgemental and understanding.
My partner is an alcoholic. He was in rehab, but has relapsed. I still love him and al anon has helped me to manage my feelings and behaviour posively. Counselling is very helpful too.
Good luck

Answer 8

Alcoholics anon. also provide services and councelling for those affected by alcholics. Ask your doctor, he may refer you to a councellor or other help services.

You could also convince your wife to do the same, don't try and stop her addiction yourself, turn to the help above.

Hope this helps, good luck,

Tom

PS: Some say counselling doesn't work - it does, and it helped me in a similar sitaution

Answer 9

Turn to liquid exlax, give her the shits and tell her it must be the alcohol with a stinging ring and help her get over it any bottles lying arround a few drops in each will give her a whole new perspective on life for a few weeks.

Answer 10

Honey, you need to come out and tell her that you can't sit by and allow her to kill herself like she's doing.

You need to tell her and mean it that if she doesn't make a sincere attempt to stop on her own you'll help her get professional help, and that you'll be there to help her through the whole thing.

But don't just stand by and do nothing. In the end its not the words of our enemies that truly hurt us, but the silence of the ones we love.

Answer 11

im afraid i agree with Wanda. My mother was an alcoholic. My dad tried and tried to make it work but she brought nothing but pain. I am afraid if she wont admit she has a problem and wont accept help there is no point. I am now 22 my mother died in 2003 aged 36. Alcohol addiction is not nice for anyone involved. Good Luck x