Was I wrong to spank the neighbor's 12 yr old son? He's my son's friend and was spending the night...

Question

Well I told my son and him not to horseplay in the house and obviously they didn't listen. They were watching football and then got out a football and starting throwing it in the den and ended up somehow knocking over a glass lamp shattering it. It was about 100 dollars and my wife really liked it. She is big on interior decorating. Well I got really upset and took my belt off and then spanked my son really hard. Then I told his friend he was going to get one too. I guess he was kind of shocked but the thing is, I told these kids not to horseplay and I doubt he had the money to pay for half of it being that he is only 12. I was angry at the time. Well needless to say he ended up going home and now his mom calls me up and starts saying how wrong I was to do that and how she is thinking about calling the police, etc. He is from a single parent household and obviously the kid has no male authority figure in his life so I told her I did her a favor and she should thank me.

Answer 1

You were RIGHT because kids need discipline and it really does take a village. Chidlren have gotten a lot worse since the days when neighbors, friends, and the milkman were all responsible for and allowed to discipline everyone's children. Without getting into the philosphical reasons as to why it has happened, for better or worse it has happened and I happen to think a lot of our children are worse of because of it.

You were WRONG because we have gotten away from the idea of 'it takes a village.' In today's society one needs to be mindful of other people ideologies. Many parents believe hitting a child is cruel and should NEVER be done. Even if your child misbehaved you would not want someone else introducing him to some satanic ritual or something just because they believed in it.
What if the neighbors let their kids watch porn, because they believed it was healthier for their children to grow up knowing what sex was about. Wouldnt you be offended if it was shown to your son?

What I do whenever I have other peoples children, is explain to the child and parent (in each others presence) what the rules of my house are. My little cousins who know me get "Now you know I will BEAT you right?" YES!" Are you are sure you still want to go with Auntie M" YES! Children who dont know me as well are told " I dont believe in telling children to do something over and over. If I have to tell you something twice expect to get popped on your little tail, ok?" And amazingly they say ok. It serves two purposes - it puts the parents on notice. I dont have to babysit, but if I do, I have rules too. And two, it puts the children on notice and usually means they give me absolutely no problems. Saying I will do it, usually keeps me from having to do it

NOW, what you should do is call and apologize - first. 'I realize that because he is your child you have a right to decide on corporal punishment. Please forgive me and try to understand that at the time I thought it was the best way to discipline two unruly little boys. I believe it was the right thing for my son, but respect your right to decide about your son.' Whatever, something like that. Also mention that you were partially upset because her son broke a valuable item. See if she offers to help pay.

Then you need to establish ground rules you can agree on. DO NOT LET THIS MESS UP YOUR SONS FRIENDSHIP. Either little Billy understands now that he might get spanked when he comes over, or that you will call his mom immediately and he will have to leave, or whatever. Maybe they can only play at the other boys house.

Oh yeah, unless you left bruises or went too far the police thing is a little extra. But remember people are serious about their children.

Answer 2

Well Sir, I understand that you were upset that an expensive lamp of yours was broken, but what you did is a crime. You cannot do that… it is absolutely ILLIGAL. You shouldn't even do that to your own son. Accidents do happen! You cannot assault a child because he made a mistake. You could have handled the situation better. I would have called the mother and sent the child home. It might seem a little awkward telling your son's friends mother that she needs to replace your lamp, but its much worse having to deal with the police because of what you did instead! You obviously can't change what you did, but I would strongly suggest that you apologize to the boy, his mother, and your son. You should also explain to both your son and his friend that you lost your temper and that it was wrong what you did, because children learn from what they see and you don't want them to ever do that! Good luck, I hope everything goes well and the police do not need to get involved because it could become a real mess if they do! If you have any other questions in the future remember, The Answer Man can ALWAYS help!

Answer 3

Are you outside of your mind?????!!!!!! You are never to spank anyone else's child. You shouldn't even be spanking your own kid with a belt. You are lucky she didn't call the cops on you.
True he may have not been able to pay for it, but maybe the Mother would have been able to come up with half. You should've sent him home, if you couldn't handle the kids together. You said you were upset when you spanked them, you never discipline when you are upset. You need to take some time out and calm down first. You need an anger management class. What did your wife have to say about the whole thing?

Answer 4

It was not right to spank him. Talk to the mother and tell her that something got broken. You are sorry and that you should have let her handle her son. As for your own child I do not believe that it is wrong with spanking. Look at all these bad as.s kids going around shooting and being messed up. Just keep it in your owb family. You don't see many good fathers hat handle things. Always the wife has to. I don't blame you one bit. Just becareful with putting your hands on someone else's child. Good Luck and I hope she doesn't call the cops on you.

Answer 5

Hmmm.... you may have been out of line in spanking your neighbor's son (by they way I DO SPANK)... After all, in this day and age not everybody believes in spanking as a form of discipline. What you should have done was promptly send the child home for disobeying, and breaking things in your house.I wouldn't have cared what time of the day or night it was! As for your neighbor threatening to call the police, i'm surprised she didn't already! As a parent of 5 (4boys and a girl), I do spank my children when I feel it is neccessary.. I would however not approve of someone else spanking them! It is after all MY JOB and NO ONE ELSE'S! Next time leave the spanking to their parents! If you don't already know this Spanking is a big issue in this country...don't cross the line again... you were lucky this time:)

Answer 6

I am thinking you've probably commited assault on a minor and might be getting a visit from the police or family services. I think I would have just called the Mom and had her pick her son up, no matter the time of night, stating they (both kids) could not mange to behave and you'd had enough. This would include not spanking at least her son.

Answer 7

You made a big mistake, you should've not spanked your boy's friend. There are other ways of solving problems like these. You should have let the mom handle the problem with her kid, he is not yours. I think you went overboard, what would you do if you let your kid sleep over with a friend and then him coming home telling you that the dad of his friend spanked him. Be careful next time and hopefully the mom doesn't decide to do something against you!

Answer 8

I can understand your frustration, but you were wrong. Pray that you don't have the police called on you. If the child has any hope for becoming an upstanding person later in life how about taking him under your wing instead of under your belt. Lift the kid up & encourage good things from him, the last thing he needs is a MAN whooping him. Show him love & it might turn the kid around.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

You cannot lay your hands on someone else child regardless of their behavior.
Although your son and he were playing around when you told them not to, he's not your child, you have no right to lay a hand on him. You could've easily lectured him about the right way to act at a persons home and then spoke to his mother about what happened and see if she could pay half the price and take her sons behavior matters into her own hands.
So, your best bet is to go over there and have a talk with her. Apologize and see what you can do to fix this problem otherwise you'll be the one penalized for YOUR behavior.

Answer 10

Yes you were wrong!! I disagree with beating your own son...but to hit another child is criminal. If I was the other mother you would have had police at your door. And my son would never ever be allowed to your home again. So basically you physically hurt your son, and emotionally embarrased him beyond belief...but also lost him a friend. I think a more productive punishment would have been to have the two of them work off the $100 for the lamp. That would have taught them a meaningful lesson and got you a new lamp.