He thinks I cheated on him, not once but twice and I didnt. He doesnt believe me and the trust is gone between the two of us. We have 3 great kids together and we all miss him. Its been 2yrs. but anytime I ask him if he wants a divorce he tells me, "If I wanted one I would have done it a long time ago. It wont do me any good to get one, so whats your rush?" Just yesterday that happened and he got teary eye. I have told him how I felt but we just end up arguing. I still love him and he says he cares about me. I know he has a "friend" and he told me that he is giving me a taste of my "own medicine" This really hurts and thats what he wants. I wish I could prove to him that I didnt cheat. All this was hear say as well. I tried to move on but I cant. Dating is out of the question. I dont want to give up. Our kids say he still cries at times for me and still have all the things I have given him over the years. So whats wrong? Why wont he talk to me like he does eveyone else?
2006-10-29 06:20:18 · 18 answers · asked by still hoping 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Emotional Blackmail
Emotional blackmail is relationship abuse motivated by a desire to hurt. An emotional blackmailer may claim good intentions, and a victim may perceive the abuse as normal.
Emotional abuse includes excessive demands, punishment for normal behavior, discouraging expressions of attachment (love) or self-respect, and withholding affection or care. The damage caused by emotional abuse often manifests as dysfunctional relationship behavior.
He may at the time been cheating on you and you know now he is cheating on you. Cheaters accuse the innocent in an effort to take the suspicion off themselves.
If he doesn't want divorce is he open to marriage counseling? Open to committing himself to you? If not, then you have to decide how long you are going to allow him to emotionally cripple you....Right now he has everything..his wife he left because of her supposed wrong....And his lil "friend'...When is it time to say enough is enough. Only you can answer that just remember it is not just you who is being crippled by this but also your children
I wish you all the best
2006-10-29 07:04:59 · answer #1 · answered by newtooocala 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you love and care for this guy more than he does for you or the children!
Although, your children are more important here! Does he support you and his kids or does he keep a good relationship with his kids?
Discuss the matter with your children or the ones who feel, (Daddy is getting "teary-eyed" because, he still cares about you or want's you to have a taste of your own medicine!)
If he really cared about you or his children he wouldn't need to "give you a taste of your own medicine!"
By saying that you cheated might give him an excuse to have a family and Still have a girlfriend without going through the expence of a divorce!
Tell him he will always be the Father of his kids, but if he can't live with his family and give up the feeling that you cheated on him, get a job and divorce his butt or get a separation!!
Make sure the kids are aware of what is going on.
Try to get them to aggree with you, but if the ones who still agree with dad are over six then Dad might have a few children in his lap!
That might be the best medicine, yet!
Good luck!
2006-10-29 07:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like he is really insecure. If you really want him back then you should do something really romantic together to remind each other how much love you both once had for each other. But my parents got a divorce because my dad thought my mom cheated, even when she didnt, and the fighting really affected me and my sisters. It turned out that the best thing for everyone was a divorce. Im not saying that that is your situation, but you also have to think about how this is affecting you kids. My parents were separated for 2 years too, and those tow years were probably the worst 2 years of my life. If things dont work out soon, maybe you should file for divorce yourself, because sometimes divorce really is the best thing if things cant get worked out in a civilized manner.
2006-10-29 06:29:22 · answer #3 · answered by Kerry 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both still love each other cuz you each are putting off persuing divorce. By people telling you to divorce, maybe they have not been thru the pain and heartache that results. I do.
He may know you can get tax bennefits by claiming you are married.
IMO you should look to counseling. I think having a heart to heart talk in private, without kids, family to clarify. Look into a marriage support retreat, retrouvaille or theraphist that deals specifically with marriage issues to re-claim the trust in the relationship. If you don't, you have to look at what's best for you and your children.
2 links:
http://www.retrouvaille.org/publicity/marriage_help/index.html
http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/divorce/article25.asp
2006-10-29 07:14:03 · answer #4 · answered by strong1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long do you plan on being in this situation? Speak to a divorce attny, and settle the matter once and for all. Stop playing games with yourself and your children, by making excuses for him. Of course he doesnt want to officially divorce you, then he would have responsibilites to live up to. He presently has the best of both worlds. And you're insane to believe all the nonsense that he actually cares. He's merely playing with your heart, because you are allowing it.
2006-10-29 06:32:15 · answer #5 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why dies he cry after he left you?
so the kids say he still cried and still has all the belongings you have given him?
sounds to me like he's playing the children (THAT'S NOT HEALTHY) or he's not playing with a full deck, I'd give him an ultimatum, either get your act together and patch it up or can his rear-end. And yes you can get the divorce whether he likes it or not. Its not up to him its up the judge.
2006-10-29 06:36:38 · answer #6 · answered by cruizer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to go out on a limb here and play pop psychologist,
It is very common for people in relationships who are feeling guilty about their extramarrital behaviour to accuse their spouse of said behaviour. It helps them to rationalize their own indiscresions in their mind.
I think he was cheating on you when he left you. And I think he is cheating on you right now.
You deserve to be happy. He says that he is punnishing you. You feel rotten because of that. You don't deserve that. You have a right to look after your own interests. It doesn't matter if the marriage is convienient for him. Get a lawyer and force the divorce on him now. You'll be better off for it.
2006-10-29 06:23:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
he is not doing it to give you a taste of your own medicine, he is doing it inorder to have his cake and eat it too... you say you did not cheat... Does he have proof that you did? He is using you.. you need to file for divorce yourself. I understand this is not what you say you want but you can not keep on going on like this... he needs to get his a ss off the pot... and worked on your marriage or go through with the divorce.. good luck
2006-10-29 06:24:43 · answer #8 · answered by oracle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're his "prisoner", and will be, as long as you allow him that much control over you. I'm not saying it's easy to do, but somehow, you've got to regain control of your life, and move on. You don't have to have dates, if you don't want to right now, but you do need to get out some. Spend some time healing, and getting to know YOU! Best of luck to you!
2006-10-29 06:34:32 · answer #9 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men.....got to love them. I think it would be good to try counseling. It could really bring out the truth on both ends. Plus then if he realizes that he isn't be rational with not making his mind up at all, the counselor would be able to help you both see what the best outcome could be.
2006-10-29 06:24:59 · answer #10 · answered by Katie S. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋