MEN! How do I get my husband to want it more often???

Question

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. We have a baby girl. We have been to hell and back since we were married. We have had major financial trouble, he lost his mother and he's had a hard time finding work he wants. Lately he doesn't bother with me or my daughter. Most of the time when I try to initiate sex he pushes me away. He tells me he's tired, stressed out, depressed anything really. He works from 3am, but only works for a few hours a day. He then spends the rest of the day online, relaxing or sleeping. How do I get him to want me? I have always had a very high drive, but lately feel so lonely not only in the bedroom but in our relationship too. Should I leave him alone or keep pushing for some lovin?

Yes! I did put on about 40 pounds with my daughter. I have lost about 15 pouns so far. He's no spring chicken himself. He has put on and he's going a bit grey. He's 7.5 years older. He thinks he's a stud and could pull something younger, I know better.

He has ZERO responsability around the house and I mean ZERO.

Answer 1

With all the stress he has been under it is not surprising how he has reacted.

It is possible that it has caused him to not be able to perform up to the level he has in the past and is having a problem admitting it to you and himself.

Tell him to go to the Doctor and get checked out there are things that can be done.

I'm sure you do still turn him on but he is afraid to try to satisfy you incase he fails. That would devistate him.

You need to find other ways to do things with him and make him relax, take up an inexpensive hobby together like going for evening walks, holding hands.

Once he has dealt with all the stress in your lives and knows that your supportive of him no matter what happens his drive will come back.

However, you also need to be aware that as we get older our sex drive does change, hopefully at the same pace as our partners but not always so we need to be aware of our partners feelings and needs. Marriage is not just about sex, thats just one of the components. It's not even the most important one.

If you have trust, communication and honesty the rest will work itself out. So as you say the communication is currently weak, work on that part and the rest will fall into place.

Answer 2

You sound so heart brokenly forlorn that I could wring your husband's neck! I don't think he's depressed or stressed or tired or anything else, not if he's got so much time to spend online. I also don't think he's the type that will listen to your complaints, let alone do something about it.
No, if you want to save your marriage and get some satisfaction in your bedroom, you'll have to change your approach. First of all, try to look at your best all the time. Change your hairstyle of color, go and visit your friends and family more often without telling him exactly where you were. Keep a little distance between the two of you, like you have some secrets of your own. Smile a lot when you're with him. That will make him wonder what's going on. Oh and in stead of nagging about his lack of interest, act as if you could care less about what he's doing. From now on put on sexy nighties but don't try to seduce him in bed. Say goodnight and go to sleep without so much as touch his toe! Men will always be men. When he noticed the change in you, he will start getting worried. If this don't garantee his whole hearted attention, I don't know what will. The idea is to playing him like a fish. Use your wits in stead of your heart. Good luck!

Answer 3

he has had a very hard past year. his mother dying and all that. that is a lot to handle. also a new baby and financial problems. that can put a huge amount of stress not only on a person but on a relationship. you should sit down with him privately and let him know you feel a little or a lot left out. you feel lonely and you want to spend some time with him. maybe only a holiday or some time he has off you guys could have a date. and maybe have a friend watch your child and just the two of you go out and talk and then come home and try and dress sexy for him or do something you know he likes.

Answer 4

Your husband has been through sooo much emotional turmoil and stress. Imagine his pain and empathize with him for a moment. He can't help but feel like you're another stressor in his life, especially if you aren't working. Even if you don't have skills, either getting grants and loans to get those skills or just getting a job will help. Get a job around his hours so he can keep your daughter. Even a part time(4 simple hours) job will show you care. There's too much on him, he can't be expected to be a robot. You'll live without the sex you desire for a while, and if you step up and help when he needs you so much, you'll find he will want to make your dreams come true later when things are better.

Answer 5

You both are at a flat spot in your marriage. These periods happen and are temporary provided that you recognize them for what they are and make adjustments. First, you both need to learn what your emotional needs are, communicate this to each other in a considerate and respectful way and then learn to meet each others needs. Second you both need to stop depending on each other for emotional self happiness. Third, you or him need to plan a fun day so you both can have fun the way that you did before you were married. Men appreciate physically attractive wives and you are already making progress in making yourself look appealing to him - so you are doing a great job. But you should avoid criticizing his appearance and age difference: anything that you think negatively about your husband will manifest itself negatively in your marriage: and the opposite is true too so why not think happy thoughts - as corny as it sounds, it works.

Your husband should help you around the house regularly. When he does it, reward him by doing something that he likes. You are in a hole and you can climb out of it but it is going to require alot of work. But the benefit is worth it because you will have a stronger marriage. Good luck.

Answer 6

You need to get rid of the computer. Sell it and get rid of the monthly internet service bill. That will add a lil extra money in your budget which is always a plus when a little one is involved. This will also remove from him the thing that is occupying his extra energy. Make sure that you are on birth control. He may be afraid of having another child too soon. He is in a depression and me need a lil help from a doctor. Try making an appointment with an internal meds doctor. They are good at helping in this area.

Answer 7

You are not the problem. Changing what you do wil not solve anything. You and your husband have to find a way to make him feel good about himself. When he feels like a man in control of his life again, things will change. Sounds like sleep is another big issue. He make not work long hours but the timing will keep him from getting any quality sleep.

Answer 8

Not trying to be funny but when he gets home have something on that is sexy and when he gets in the shower get in there with him.Love all over him rube that puss* all over him build him up to the point that he can't say no really lay it on him.You can do the same thing in bedroom.Oh try some new things that you think might turn him on.If you know what he likes do that.

Answer 9

This is no joke.... get in the shower with him and give him oral sex until he gets very close.... then stop. Every time he gets in the shower try this... eventually he is going to NEED it not just want it! You can try lots of things to go along with this, and then tell him, if he is not going to give it up..... you'll please yourself and follow thru. Make him see you do it, guys can hardly resist that! be persistent with it, give your self pleasure in front of him all the time like it is the most natural thing. AND REALLY PLEASE YOURSELF, buys toys, movies whatever it takes. It is not cheating and eventually he'll come around or you'll know you need a divorce!

Answer 10

Your husband is very depressed. You cannot cure him. He needs medical attention. This will not get better by itself.
You will be best off trying to have regular conversations with him and trying to be part of his life. I would consider having your internet connection disconnected. It is not particularly healthy and unless you need it for work I would keep him off the internet and see if he would consider getting a regular day job.