my friend is 21, she has been married since 15 and has 3 kids under the age of 5. she has never had the chance to be a teen or a young woman on her own without her husband around. He will not even alow me and her and the kids to go out to eat. she is debating on divorce what should she do?
2006-10-29 04:03:19 · 28 answers · asked by cert_pharm_tech21 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please suggest to her to find a Christian church to attend. It will do her good as well as the kids. Having the Lord in your heart gives us hope, love, joy, peace etc...The church can pray for her and the pastor. You know prayer is very powerful. Only the Lord can soften up her husbands heart. It really is worth a try and for the childrens sake. I accepted Jesus in my heart and Lord and Saviour...my life changed BIG time. My marriage was restored within months which was on the verge of divorce etc...The Lord can do the impossible for those who believe. Please do not encourage her to get a divorce. Encourage her to speak to a pastor or go to a church. Please print this email out to her and let her read it. May the Lord help her decide the right thing.
Rom 15:13
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
John 3:16
16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Matt 19:26
26 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
2006-10-29 04:30:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well this is a question of whether or not she has had enough.
The problem with most controlling relationships is that the controller never allows the person to become independant enough in a mental capacity to allow them to stand on their own. When the time comes for the separation, you will need to let her know that he will do EVERYTHING that can be done to mentally destroy her and undermine the foundation she is trying to use to go forward on. He knows her better that she does, and possibly knows more about her doubts and fears than anyone rightly should. Remember, this is just about the separation.
A controlling relationship can be a positive thing, if commuunication and trust are involved. Most times these relationships are founded upon the lack of self confidence of the controller. They are more afraid of being alone than the other person is about leaving.
Should she divorce? That is entirely up to her. Does she feel that the relationship cannot be compromised and a fair settlement of trust be established between the two? Communication is the key to ANY issue. However, communication is a two way street, if one party does not participate, then all you are doing is talking to a wall.
Family counselling may be the first step. An arbitrary party can sit down and mediate the converstaions that need to be had. Also they can help teach the couple on HOW to properly communicate.
In the end, if she feels that a divorce is the only way to solve the issue, then so be it. However, it has to be HER decision. Not anyone elses. Just because you see her in a "unfair relationship" does not necessarily mean that she is ready to move forward with a divorce. If it is her decision, she will have the strength to walk the fire. If its not her decision, she will falter.
2006-10-29 04:14:41 · answer #2 · answered by Obie . 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think divorce should be an option especially with three kids. She can grow as a person and expand her world without divorcing her husband. She needs to have a heart to heart with him and explain that she needs to and will have more freedom. That she is not his child. And he needs to confront his fears: yes, there is some reason why he won't let her have a life and it probably has to do with his fear of losing her on some level. If he is not physically or emotionally abusing her and if he is providing for the their family, then why end it. Chances are her financial situation will deteriorate dramatically if she did so and then she would be setting her kids up for another generational cycle of marriage and divorce when they become of age. People can grow and change together. It doesn't always have to be about quitting when the going gets tough. She married too young - yes - but with three kids, it is worth making the marriage work.
2006-10-29 04:14:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, I think she got married way too young. I can't even begin to imagin being 21 with 3 kids. Your right, she's never had a chance to just be a kid. At 15, kids THINK they are grown but truly they are not and still have a lot of growing up to do. If she doesn't leave him, I think things will just get worst. She will start to resent her kids and him (if she doesn't already) and that can cause her to turn on herself. I think she should definantly divorce him. She deserves a chance to see what life is really about. Just because she has 3 kids doesn't mean she's stuck. She can still have a life, she's only 21, she has her whole life ahead of her. By the time she finally wakes up, she's gonna be 80 and wondering where her life went. I'm a true believer in living life to the fullest and enjoying every minute of it. I'm sure she had dreams of what she wanted to be when she 'grew up', has any of those come true? Has she even tried?
2006-10-29 04:14:39 · answer #4 · answered by SexyMommy2B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow married at 15, that's very crazy and a little sad sorry to hear that. That fact of the matter is that she is an adult now and even when she wasn't she still made some very adult situations.
She needs to think of the children, divorce is always the hardest on them. She should try counseling or anything else before divorce. That should always be the very last option especially when kids are involved.
I know many Catholic and Christian churches offer "Marriage encounters or retreats that help couples get through rough times... I don't know her religion so so might not be interested.
The most important thing to do is to think of the kids.
2006-10-29 04:08:52 · answer #5 · answered by kingmustang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what SHE should do, but with all due respect, YOU should butt out. This is between her and her husband and their kids. With or without her husband, she would never had had the chance to be a teen. She's a mother of THREE! That's a lot, and divorce will never bring back those teen years.
2006-10-29 04:06:06 · answer #6 · answered by just browsin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough question ,right! . In my mind divorce is the answer, but really, she got married at 15?
What we tend to do in marriages is forget our vows, for better or for worse. Worse not being your husband left the toilet seat up, but more pressing matters like infidelity or like your friend, control issues. If she can't deal with it or doesn't want to try and work it out , she should definitely leave. But she should consider counseling before she takes the steps to divorce because she has three children with this man, she should think about their future as well as hers.
2006-10-29 04:19:22 · answer #7 · answered by kitty s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes- if he is that controlling the only options are severe sit down one on one counseling or divorce. She needs to be happy. Just make sure that if she does decide to divorce him that she is fully prepared for what will come later. He will fight for custody and severely harass her, maybe even stalk her depending on who he is and his personal temper. It is a scary situation to be in but she has to decide what is best for her and the kids in the long run. Good luck to her and tell her to only leave while he is at work or when she knows it is safe. Tell her not to threaten it. If she feels it is the only way out then leave when she knows he wont be home for awhile. On the other hand if she feels counseling will help then maybe that is the road to go to save the marriage depending on the level of love that is there. It doesnt sound like love to me if he is that controlling. Just tell her to tread on thin ice until she decided what is best. It is tough but she has to do what is right. She will know in her heart. Good luck. Help her through it. It is not an easy decision to make.
2006-10-29 04:08:59 · answer #8 · answered by plaster_employment 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What took her this long to think about divorce? Sounds like the husband have complete control over her life yet no mention of spousal abuse. She needs to get some guidance from her church and social services. Most importantly, she alone must decide what she should do after getting input from sources mentioned above.
2006-10-29 04:10:49 · answer #9 · answered by me_worry? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should talk to her husband about it. If not, go to couple therapy or something. Walking away is hard to do, but it's also the easy way out. They should be able to work things out. If they can't do that, then a divorce it is. Just make sure that he isn't the abusive type that would hurt your friend!! Just remember to be there for her
2006-10-29 04:05:34 · answer #10 · answered by craz34jason 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋