A few months ago I met with an ex and all the feelings rushed back and I realized I never fell out of love with him - we broke up so long ago simply because we were too young. Now I am married with kids to a very sweet man. There is no future or possiblities with the ex, he is also married with kids and in love with his wife. My issue is that I now realize I am not in love with my husband and I'm just unhappy. I'm thinking of leaving - not for the ex, because there is no future there, but just because living with someone you are not in love with is awful. But I don't want to break up our family because of our children. What do I do? Can this be repaired? I want to be in love with my husband but I think my heart is spoken for, always has been, so in this case am I better off giving my husband the opportunity to meet someone who can actually love him back?
2006-10-29 03:42:34 · 6 answers · asked by I'm Trying 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A person can fall in and out of love with their spouse. What you feel right now is common, and in light of the fact that you just saw your ex you are confused. You can love your husband again and I will tell you how.
Look at him like you did when you first met him. Try to remember the things that you used to love about him, and think on those things. Do things for him that will make him happy. Put him first, not yourself. It sounds too easy doesn't it? It will, and does, work. If you are a person who prays, ask God to help you love your husband.
Remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and leaving your husband is not the answer. You commited to him, he committed to you, and you both have a commitment to your children.
Do not make excuses that your husband could find someone to love him better than you do. You are his wife and he only wants you. And he must think your love is enough for him or he would be leaving you to find a woman that he felt could love him better than you. If your husband loves you, you have a good thing. Do not throw that away.
It's not a pretty picture in the singles world. Since you've been married long enough to have three kids, then the last thing you want to do is start over, looking for love again, having your kids shuffled back and forth between you and your husband. And think of the heartbreak for your children and your husband. How devastating it would be for all of them...and you.
Then, eventually, he will remarry, and you will too. Your kids will then have to deal with a step-mom, step-dad and step-siblings. You will have to deal with the new wife. Your money situation most likely will be in shambles. Your families will have to deal with the break-up and you will have to share your kids with the step-mom as well as her family. It will all be one big mess.
And for what? Because right now you feel something out there is better for you? You say that your husband is a very sweet man. Those men can be hard to come by. Hang onto him for dear life as there are many women out there looking for a man just like yours.
Your marriage and love for him can be repaired. Just love him, love him, love him...even if you think you can't. Love your kids. Love yourself enough to realize that life isn't always easy, and in fact, can be very hard. Right now you are going through one of the hard parts. But, don't throw away your marriage, and family, because of it. You will get through this.
If you are depressed (which you might be, and that may be a big part of your problem) then get help right away. Or, it could be your hormones. Really. It could be. It may sound strange, but a woman can actually dislike her husband very much if she is having hormonal problems. Get checked.
But whatever you do, don't throw this away. You will love your husband again. And even if you don't have a crazy, passionate love for him, there is no guarantee you will ever find a man that you will love like that. It's not worth the risk. Keep your marriage vows. You have less chance of regretting staying than you do of leaving.
I will pray that you will love your husband like never before and that you will no longer entertain in your mind this man that you used to love. You must stop thinking of him. Everytime you do, it tortures you, and you think of him instead of your husband. Whenever you are tempted to think of your ex, think of your husband instead. You can choose to do it. Please do this for everyones sake...yours included.
2006-10-29 05:00:04 · answer #1 · answered by gailfrances 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-01 04:19:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
absolutely NOT!!
you made vows for better or for worse. you have a family and you do NOT have the right to just quit on your marriage cuz the going gets tuff.
i too, am married and in a happy situation with children, and i often think of an ex of mine... my first love... he is in my dreams often... there are qualities that i miss in him, but there was a reason that we didn't work out.
once that mushy gushy infatuation stage is over, marriage becomes some hard work. deal with it. move past it. learn to sort your feelings out. if you can't do that on your own, then you should seek your suposed best friend and husbands thoughts on the subject. let him know that you have been feeling detached from the relationship and that you wonder if you two have a future together... give him the opportunity to respond and pull you back in. people are complicated and if your husband loves you, he will have the patience to help you through your emotions.
i am not saying to be brutally honest with him, we all know that some things are better left unsaid, but you owe it to him to give him the chance to help you through your feelings.
if all else fails and you two can't do it together... seek counseling before you get divorced. divorcing will ruin both of you more than you know... avoid it at all cost.
2006-10-29 03:52:03 · answer #3 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh...this sounds like me. I will tell you this...the reason I have not presued seperation or anything is because I dont want my kids to hurt. I fell in love with my husband long time ago..but now we have kids and I cant let them down just because I am not happy...plus its kinda selfish...if you look at the whole picture. My kids are only 4 and 1 but it would really upset my 4 year old. Reading what you wrote...your husband doesnt have a clue...who knows he just might want to fight for you...he might want to start going out on dates...cause he loves you...no doubt about that..anyways I hoped I helped.
2006-10-29 03:58:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you ***--le ,fix what your wondering lust ,you better grow up girl or the next time it my be you getting dumped .so what if you have feeling for a ex .why should not you .you were lovers there must have been something about him you hated to leave and it is that your missing with your husband .love is not a feeling it is a action and i am sure your not showing your husband the love you both need
2006-10-29 03:52:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I can tell you what I would do but you have to search your own heart and make up your own mind what dose your heart tell you to do!!!! fallow your heart!!!!
2006-10-29 04:54:44 · answer #6 · answered by mel416 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋