how do i know if i am still in love with my wife of 14 years.i love here but i dnt think iam i love with her?

Question

she is a great woman &mom and i love my kids but there is no love between us we dont talk much in lease it is about the kids we are just not close like the way it was she tells me we will have time after the kids move out i dont think i can wait that long or am i just being selfish

Answer 1

They say you fall in love and out of love several times
during a marriage. Try a romantic trip for two. Or just
go on a day trip just the two of you. Make plans for some
one to keep the kids, take her out for dinner, maybe a
long walk after or a movie. It has to start some where.

Answer 2

I'm there right now too...it's hard. My husband feels the same way. It's ok. It is a different level of love. Not that you should have fun and enjoy each other but take it for what it is. The commitment and trust of another person to you!

DON'T wait for the kids to be goine to make time for each other...I think that is what happened to my husband and I. We now book a sitter once a week (week-nights usually) and go for dinner or to a movie or do something funny like mini putt or play pool. You will find it easier to "break the ice" again with your wife if you can include another couple you have fun with. It lightems things up and there isn't so much pressure to find something else to talk about.

Before you know it you'll feel like going on a "Date" alone soon and have just as much fun. Walls go up and we start treating the other person weird. Is that how you would treat a co-worker or friend you joke with? Probably not.

You are NOT selfish..BE selfish and start the ball roilling by YOU finding a sitter and arranging a night out...say to your wife..she deserves it!!! That you are being selfish and you want some time with your sweetheart alone. I think \she will be thrilled.

We started by each planning one a month. That is only once every second week. Even if it is just to walk around downtown and go for coffee.

Also, we do a family breakfast out with our kids each Sunday morning. We go early and it gives us a little outing. We doin't get to talk much ( our kids are 1 and 2) but for some reason that little ritual now is part of our life.

Don't let the TV shows distort your perspective of what a marriage is supposed to be. Sounds like you are in the 95% normal group.

Good luck!!

Answer 3

Love changes and grows from that initial euphoric love you had in the beginning. As you mature mutual respect and devotion start to grow in its place. It is difficult when kids come along and then the responsibilities of them can often suffocate the couples relationship you had. It is important to find your way back to being friends. Being parents is important but being a couple is every bit as vital. Let go of grudges they just bog down the relationship. Your wife is correct that you will have more time alone together after the kids but she is wrong to expect you to wait until then. You and she are still a viable couple and she needs to plug back into the relationship. You should never allow anyone to come between you and your wife and that includes children. Kids need to learn to respect that mommy and daddy are also a couple. Try to leave the kids with relatives for a few weeks in the summer and you and her reconnect.

Answer 4

Boy do I get this one! Wanting your wife to be your wife and not just a mother to your children is NOT selfish! Hiring a babysitter or sending the kids to a sitter is great if you can afford it, but if you are like me and my hubby, it isn't always easy. We both work hard to make a living but the bills come in faster than the money and going out isn't always an option. Maybe you can try renting movies, that has worked for us in the past. We rent movies for us that we watch in our bedroom and give the kids movies to watch in theirs. We lock ourselves in our room watch movies, eat popcorn... and whatever else. Our jobs are very different, he doesn't understand mine and I don't understand his so talking about work isn't good for either of us, (Not to mention he gets jealous and doesn't want to hear about my friends at work because they are mostly the male doctors I work with) and we really have few friends in common, so the kids are the one thing that we have in common and talking about them seems to be our middle ground. I started watching football so we would have somehting else in common, I really love it now and if I have questions, he is more htan happy to help me undertand- not that I will ever know as much as he does, at least we can have a conversation that doesn't start with "You will never believe what your daughter did today" Maybe you can find a project to work on together, something that takes input from her too, like a small remodeling project in the house or yard. Something that would mean the two of you can spend time together, where the kids aren't necessarily involved. Setting a plan and executing it together forces together time, you would be working together toward one goal, and maybe getting to know each other a little better in the mean time.

Answer 5

You can't put your marriage on hold because you have children. A strong marriage is the foundation of a strong family and can only benefit the children. If she wants to wait until they're grown to have a real marriage, then her priorities are screwed. It's completely unfair and unrealistic for her to expect that of you.

If you want to know if you're still in love with her.... I think the fact that you want to improve things, make your marriage a priority, work at getting close to her again all answer that question. But if she doesn't get it, or isn't interested.... I'm afraid to say... maybe she's not in love with you anymore.

You sound like a nice guy... who's trying hard to save a marriage to someone who's just not making your marriage the priority it should be. She needs a wake up call before she loses you to someone who will appreciate you.

Answer 6

If you guys aren't spending time together of course it will put a strain on the relationship. Yes, it is true that you will have more time together once the kids are grown up however it is unfair for her to expect you to do without companionship until then. You need to make time for each other every week or atleast every other week. Get a babysitter, or family member to watch the kids and rekindle your relationship before it is too late. If I were you I would try to work things out. It sounds like you do still care you just need to get the fire started again.

Answer 7

Try talking with eachother. Find out why you've both fallen out of love. If I were to venture a guess it would be that you've probably fallen into a routine and are a little bored. Try doing something different. One thing that doesn't cost much is go on a date with her. But make like a first date. Where you both leave the house at different times and with different means of transportation and meet and a restaurent, bowling alley, botanical garden, I don't know it could be anywhere. Make sure you're there a little before her with some flowers or a little gift. She should like that.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

It sounds like a possibility she's got her head a little too much into the kids cuz she can't expect you to wait 18 years to be special in her life, or 10 or whatever. It's supposed to all go together, loving the children and loving the husband and yourself and God, then you're living a full life. She probably feels the same way about you. If you are man enough, suck it up and make yourself irresistable by showing her affection without expectation, changing up little things to add spice to life, maybe dye your hair blonde! Be fun, take up a new hobby she can be involved in, make things new. But, if you don't feel like it, then just divorce like all the other people that give up and break up their family.

Answer 9

You both need passion to rekindle those feelings. You will always love your wife no matter what it takes, thru sickness and in health. Take the initiative to make LOVE to her the way you want. Take the initiative to pull her aside and just kiss her for no apparent reasons Wife needs to be feel beautiful after all the commotions with kids. and work. Make her feel beautiful and make sure you acknowledge her that she a great mom to the kids. Make LOVE.

Answer 10

well, you are definately being very selfish and rude...make time if you think you guys are not able to catch up with each other,support her to raise a family instead creating new issues in life for the famlily,good luck!!