I hope this one will sound a lot better than the first one. If I still have any silly mistakes, please tell me. Thanks :)
A crow was sitting on a branch of a tree with a piece of cheese in her beak. A fox, who had been watching her, set his mind on getting the cheese through trickery. Standing under the tree he looked up and said, "What a fine bird I see above me! Her beauty is without equal. If only her voice is as sweet as her looks are fair, she ought without doubt to be Queen of the Birds." The Crow was flattered by his words, and to show the Fox that she could sing, she gave a loud caw. Down came the cheese, and the Fox, snatching it up, said, "You have a voice, madam, I see: what you want is wits." Just as Aesop's famous fable portrays the slyness of the fox, the Odyssey highlights craftiness, a trait eminently revered by the ancient Greeks. Odysseus, a “man of twists and turns” (1.1), is the epitome of this quality. Although Odysseus is legendary for his extraordinary strength, he relies much more on his quick mind than muscle, a tendency that his encounters prove.
2006-10-29 02:04:16 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
It makes sense to be, although it seems that in the last sentence since Odysseus is no longer with us, the tenses should be past not present (was legendary; he relied, proved).
2006-10-29 02:09:16 · answer #1 · answered by hayharbr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well done, Cupcake.
Just a comma between tree and looked: Standing under the tree, he looked up...
Also, by "(1.1)" I take that you are defining that phrase: a man of twists and turns, after that piece?
Either capitalize all the "Fox" and "Crow" words or keep them all in small letters.
"Just as Aesop's..., the Odyssey highlighted... Odysseus...was the epitome...Although Odysseus was legendary...strength, he relied..., encounters proved."
2006-10-29 02:12:03 · answer #2 · answered by tranquil 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I could not get past the forty prepositional phrases in the first 3 sentences in order to evaluate the rest of the paragraph. Seems a bit choppy and idealistic.
2006-10-29 02:07:35 · answer #3 · answered by gtprinc1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have randomnly capitalised fox and crow - either they are just animals of a type - in which case no capitals - or they are named Fox and Crow so keep them but you need to decide and then apply it and alter any terms as need be. You have used 'the' as a preposition so I would advise no capitals.
2006-10-29 02:11:59 · answer #4 · answered by minotaur 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"If only her voice WERE as sweet..." (when you use "if," you need to use the subjunctive tense)
"...she ought, without doubt,..." (needs commas)
"You have a voice, madam, I see; what you want is wits." (semicolon, not colon)
Make a new paragraph at, "Just as Aesop's..."
Make the verbs past tense in this paragraph
Otherwise, you have a nice report here.
2006-10-29 02:16:11 · answer #5 · answered by Mama Gretch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋