I really want to have a baby and my husband is not.?

Question

I am almost 35 years old and we have been married 3 years. I want to have one now, but he wants to wait 2 more years when both of ours cars will be paid off. We can afford to have a baby now if we cut back a little. I have never had a baby before and I want one now. We wanted to have two, and to have one at 37 and one at 39? 40? is not something I want. We decided we would wait 5 years when we got married, but I want one so bad now...

I forgot to mention that my husband is 29, has no children, grew up struggling and don't want us to struggle like his family of 8 did.

Answer 1

I can see where you are comming from. Honestly I dont think you should have to put it off until you are 39 or 40, women are prone to more complications when they are older. You also have to think about them growing up, do you want to be 50 or 60 when they graduate? You want to be a good part of their on going lives. Honestly the money shouldn't be an issue, I know kids are expensive but it's mother nature and everything falls in naturally once they are born. I dont mean money falls from trees, but the thing is that when a baby is born you naturally will make room for him or her in your finances. I think you should talk about this with your husband, and consider one soon! Good Luck to you..and remember "GOD WILL NEVER GIVE US MORE THAN WE CAN'T HANDLE"

Answer 2

Because this is an agreement that you made before you got married, you must honor it. However, fertility begins to decline in women at age 25, with a considerable decline by 35. I'm sure that you must know this. Whose decision was it that you would have a child at 37 and 39? Does your husband really want children? Unless he has some health issue down the road, your husband will be fertile until the day he dies. Also, because he is a few years younger (5?) he may not realize that you cannot wait any longer. Gosh....good luck to you.

Answer 3

Well you and your husband agreed that after 5 yrs of marriage you would start a family. Having a child takes a little more than cutting back it takes savings. Since you are ready to have a baby start putting some money to the side once you have reached a decent amount tell you husband. If you see that you cant save anything then it would be better to wait. A new born needs so much and daycares are so expensive. I can understand you wanting to have a baby at your age(biological clock is ticking). Your husband has grown a custom to being only with you. He might feel that the baby would take all of your time and attention leaving him feeling left out.Just think it you start at 37 when your child starts school you will be 42 and your husband 44 when they graduation @18 you will be 50 and 52. Your body will take longer to heal because of your age.Imagine teenagers in the house at that your age. I know my friend started late and she is wanted to work on her career first now she hates that she waited so late.

Answer 4

My first question while I was reading your question was "did this couple discuss this before they got married", and obviously you have. I believe you have to honor your previous commitment with your husband and go with the five year plan that you originally had both agreed to and give him an opportunity to make good on the agreement. That in mind, you also both have to understand right now that in two years, there will be some other bill that will make it seem like you wont be able to afford to have children at THAT time either. If you wait until you think you can afford have children, you wont have children. But if you are blessed enough to have a child, you will find a way to make it happen.

Answer 5

If it is solely about money. Tell him if he may be looking at more of an expense down the road. Invitro.costs a small fortune. And, what about birth defects after age 35, does he consider the fact, insurance won't pay for the best schools, and latest medical procedures to help your child strive. Show him facts if he does not believe you. I'm on both sides of the spectrum. I think having a child later in life has its advantages, but sometimes the disadvantages are much more costly. He may want to keep that in mind.
In his defense, you married a younger man. He may just need sometime to catch up to your concerns. I have a bit of an age difference as well, I'm younger so I felt a lot of pressure , but the fact of the matter is I just needed a few years to catch up, to him. If you truly love each other, a compromise will be made.

Answer 6

Get your doctor involved! At age 35, having a baby is slightly risky. Every year after that is even more so. Talk to your doctor about it, then tell your husband what he says. The longer you wait, the higher risk you are taking to have a child with some sort of handicap or disability. Besides, having a child at that age is physically very difficult unless you are in tip top shape. I had my last child at 37, and it was much different than when I had my 2 others in my twenties. They begin testing for high risk problems at the age you are now, so time IS of the essence in your case! Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 7

You may want to find out why he wants to wait he may not want kids at all, because waiting until the car is paid off sounds like an excuse. Having your first baby at 37 years old will be harder on your body. You also have to figure your age in when the child is going to school, a 47 year old first time soccer mom (or Dad) won't be easy.

Answer 8

He is being stupid, and selfish, and has NO clue that the clock is ticking fast!!! YOUR eggs are aging!!! Higher incidence of BIRTH DEFECTS!!!

And, MORE men who sire children when over 40 get to spend MORE money (at the rate of 100 times more, and for 35 yearsm instead of only 18!), for Downes Syndrome!!!

So the closer HE gets to 40, the more the RISK to HIS MONEY!!!

My advice is that the two of you do it NOW, while you can. HE needs to see the need for speed, so get some Downes and Birth Defect pamphlets at the Family Planning Clinic because for him, it is ALL ABOUT THE MONEY!!!

Failing convincing him, you will have to chuck him, and find someone who puts more weight on the necessity of humanity, the need to ACT RIGHT NOW when the female half of the team has a need. NATURE (HORMONES) WON'T WAIT!

IN FACT, this is such a chasm in your relationship, that it really needs and cries out for PROFESSIONAL COUNCELING for both of you, but, ESPECIALLY, HIM!!!

Hope that you two get the counceling, and have the child NOW, before the statistics stack up on you!!!

Answer 9

Well I'll be honest the longer you wait...the harder it's going to be ALL THE WAY AROUND ! your not getting any younger and either is he. who cares about the car let's do some math.....

if you waited 2 more years you'll be 37,will you still be as firtile at 37 as you are now at 35? By the time the child start Kindergarten you'll be 43 years old,can you have a second child at 43? will you even be firtile at 43? By the time your first child in in highschool you'll be 55 years old and your second child still in highschool. by the time your first child got married you'll be around 70 years old ! and don't even get me started on the grand babies ! So should you wait any longer? NO..........

Answer 10

if you think about it and people always said to me your never going to feel your financially ready, it will always be something or you could always come up w/an excuse if you want to, I mean after you have them life's expenses dont stop coming at you! just something you could throw at him. Also just make sure you really think the marriage is going to last and I'm sure you do its just w/me after we had a child I didnt want to stay shortly after that and he didnt want any children then either and he said if I leave I leave alone and he made that come true I guess all i'm saying is make sure everything is kosher before taking the jump, also alittle advice when you do go to get pregnant the key is to relax relax relax and let it happen a lot of woman are trying to hard and it doesnt happen, I heard a Dr say once that women subcontiously (sp) reject the sperm kinda like there muscles dont let it in, so I actually thought about accepting it when it happened kinda sounds corny but true I dont know if that had anything to do w/it or not just thought i'd mention it, sorry I blabbed w/no real advice here but Good LUCK!