Soon to be Mother in law( is Too over controlling) , Need Advice Asap!?

Question

I have just got engaged in the beginning of the month, and my fiancee mother has been too over controling .. even as since he has got with me, she does not know me well ,she like is over controling him and i and she tries to interefer with our realtionship, and of course right now my fiancee and i are not living together yet. we are planning on moving out next year.but when we wanna see eachother she makes all these excuses to Just to try for him not to see me.. I Am sick of all this conflict from her and i never did anything to her im always nice etc. Why would she be rude to me?.. also she does lies to her own son alot etc..I have been trying to seek for anwsers but nobody coudl help me. I Love him so much,but i just dont wanna deal with his mother because i just cnat take it anymore theirs more that she does and its just out of controll.... what should i do? Please help!

I Just want to also add that I do try everything such as to try to bond or what,but she just acts as she doesnt want nothing to do with me. He has been close with his mom when he was younger but as they gotb older, they never were close together.When im nice to her,she gives me attiude etc... but she always puts her son in between us. and yes i have talk to him about it how i feel the way his mother has been towards me.

Answer 1

First you and your fiance should move far from her.
But incase you can't move, I would suggest you &fiance go to a Christian church. Talk to the pastor there. You will receive prayers. You know prayer is Powerful. Only Jesus can help.
Also get the book "power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian. You will need it throughout life...Plus ofcourse get into the Word of God.

1Cor2:9
However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him" --
Start praying my friend. It helped me BIG time and I know it can help you.

God Bless!

Answer 2

I had the same problem! I did not live with my husband until this year and we had a child together and he asked for my hand in marriage before we had her in front of his side of the family! His mother would always want him to do things for him and all the women in his family seem to not have a man and he had to be that man. It made me angry and he saw no problem with it! But let me tell u, if u love him u will stick by his side and wait.When we moved out into our own apartment together all he could think about was his family and then he saw what I was seeing. His mother and all the other women in the family had to come to realize that he is a man and not the little boy any more. You two will make it! Don't let her get in your way, just count to ten and smile and think pretty soon this will be over! Note(My husbands mother wanted him to leave the hospital at 10p.m. to wax her bedroom floor in my car because he did not have one and to add on to that I just had our baby from 24 hours a labor and it was natural) So I kind of feel u when u say u can't take it but love is stronger than u think hang in there!

Answer 3

What you're complaining about seems superficial, so unless you give specific details,... I can't really judge. But you admit that you don't know her well.... and it doesn't sound like you're making much of an effort to. That right there might be her concern. As parents, we want the best for our children, and she's not sure you're it. You haven't gotten to know her, and you let her really get to know you, and you're going to be the mother of her grandchildren. Keep in mind, when we get married, we gain a whole family, not just a spouse. So why not spend some time with her.....take her to lunch, make an effort to make her a friend and an ally. Its alot better than starting a marriage with tension and animosity when it may be so easily avoided.

If you try this,... and there's still alot of conflict, then talk to your fiance about it. But remember, push come to shove.... there are alot of potential mates out there, but we only have one mother. So if you love him, don't put him in an impossible position... you just might lose.

Answer 4

Honey, you're story is shared among many women. My mom and my grandma (her EX mother in law-my daddy's mother) never got a long. They bumped heads. And my dad is a mama's boy too so that didn't help.And I know she was one of the reasons why my mom and dad got divorced. My dad won't admit it, but I know she was behind the scenes of that to some extent. But the main problem with that is that she's still an "outsider". YOu need to talk to your fiancee and let him know that she is in so many ways, bothering you and it will affect YOUR relationship with him! And honey, you don't have to do anything to her. It's funny because when you have a father that is overprotective of his daughter she'll usually rebel against him, but if the mother is being overprotective, it's more serious to shake the mother off. And then you need to be sitting down and talking with her. Tell her you love her son and you don't want to do anything to hurt him, you respect her, but you feel like she's bullying you, and you will go on with the marriage wether she likes it or not because you are getting married, she's not. Does your fiancess even know what is going on? And let me tell you something: when you marry a person, you marry the family too. You're gonna have to be a stand up woman and hold your ground. If you love him no matter what you're gonna have to deal with the mother regardless and there's no way getting around that unless you don't get married to him, and that's probably what she wants. That maybe why she is acting like that towards you. But I don't know how you want to do it: if you want to talk to both of them at the same time, get a mediator or go to counseling, or talk to them individually, you need to nip this in the bud before you guys get married. Because if you don't, it will only get worse, believe me. You might want to watch that movie Monster In Law, with Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez. Sounds like what you got on your hands. Because she's gonna punk you around until you crumble, so you need to defend yourself in a respectful but firm manner, express your love for your man and tell him that you're not gonna go into a marriage with his mom on your a*s*s during the whole ordeal. And it's worse with the controlling mother and law because you know women can be treacherous, so just be careful and good luck girl. Hope that helped.

Answer 5

Well some Moms are over protective of there sons. Just try to be the better person. What she is doing will make the two of you closer in the long run. You can never ever try to come in between him and his mom.

Answer 6

Talk to them both. Later this would be worse and you do not want him to run to ma everytime you fight or she wines. If something does not give then you need to look and see if in the future you can live with this kind of relationship. It may be time to say let's take a break till you and your ma work something out. And if you keep seeing him and move in together distance from her is the best advice. The more the better.

Answer 7

I wish you had told us how old you and your fiance are... but, the first thing I would tell you is that your fiance must STAND UP for you. I don't mean he should be nasty to his mom, but he should let her know that he has chosen you to spend the rest of his life with, and he will always stand by your side. To get along with his mother ... when she gives you advise... say, "Yes, mam" and then do what you want. It really works and in years to come you will all laugh about it.
Good Luck!!

Answer 8

I'd start of by doing a charm offenisve on her. Take her out for a coffee, go shopping with her, go for lunch - let her get to know you. Let her get to understand how much you love your fiance.

If you feel she interferes you just have to say to her very nicely that you appreciate her advice (on whatever subject it is) but you have decided to do xy or z.

Its very tempting to fall out with mother in laws - I know - but it makes for a happier life for you and your fiance if you all get on. I often think that mother in laws get very contrlling normally when they feel that they are not ncluded in their sons life, or perhaps when they are feeling lonely.

Answer 9

if you would be in you teen years, you dont need to worry about these things yet. enjoy your life...you've got a lot of years ahead of you.
if you would be in your mid 20's, you dont need to think about what you can do with your bf's mother coz...YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!! she is not within your jurisdiction, it is your bf who does. try to make your bf stand for you against his mom (but in a very subtle way)... you dont want your bf to make a stand between you and his mom.
but if he does makes a stand, and he chooses his mom over you, at least you would know he cannot fight for you and your love.
love is all about sacrifices and unselfishness. there is a poster i saw almost a decade ago..."if you love something, set it free. if it comes back, it is yours. and if it doesn't, it never was."

good luck...take care.

Answer 10

have you tried talking to your boyfriend about this thing? maybe you should try that if you havent. the apron strings have to be cut or your in real trouble, she will be the misery of your life and his because he is being pulled in 2 different directions., loyality to his mom which he should think alot of his mom but his mom has to let him grow up and be his own man.