My cousions baby boy (Austin James, 7weeks) passed away friday morning at the hospital from complications of being born early. The visitation is tomorrow at 9:45. I have never been to an infints funneral. What do I say? What do I do? Do I give a card, a plant, flowers?? I have 2 girls of my own (4 and 1) and I'm worried I'm going to freak out.
2006-10-29 01:14:44 · 12 answers · asked by Cy Aviox 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
It is never easy to deal with a child's death. I recently went to the memorial for a 14 year old boy my husband and I had known since he was 3. He died fairly suddenly of cancer. I didn't know what to say to his parents. We have been so close to them through so many problems but the death of a child is something where only a person who has lost a child can completely comprehend the feelings. Just be there for your cousin as best you can. Avoid the comments of he's in a better place and I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Hug you cousin and cry with them. Their pain will soften with time but there is really nothing you can do to help except be a shoulder to cry on.
2006-10-29 01:22:07 · answer #1 · answered by zara01 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My very close friends baby died of SIDS at 2.5mo. It was horrible. I tossed and turned, debating what to say to her. I knew there was nothing I could say to make her feel better. I knew all I could do was tell her I loved her and I would be there for her every need.
When I first saw her, we hugged fror about 10 minutes, cried and I kept repeating "I'm so sorry...". I just didn't know what else to say. Eventually I got the nerve to write her a card. I found it easier to think about what I would say before I said it. I included a very sentimental poem in the card and told her I would never forget her beautiful baby, ever.
To this day, I send her cards/e-cards every year on his birthday and his death date.
An engraved gift memorializing the baby would also be very thoughful. One other idea would be to make a memorial quilt, embroidered with the baby stats etc. I saw one once that was made with peices of a babys clothing and blankies. I have yet to do this for my friends because she still periodically takes out the babys stuff to look through, and I don't want to take that from her.
Go to a Christian book store, or Hallmark and find a very heartwarming card and maybe a gift, that will help you feel less like you have to "say" something.
HTH
2006-10-29 02:35:37 · answer #2 · answered by Gr8fulmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your families loss. Just being there is enough. I don't know that there is any 'right' thing to say other than your share in their pain. If you feel overwhelmed leave the visitation and regain your composure. Your cousin will need lots of time and understanding to hlep her get through this sad time.
Most communities have some sort of support group to help grieveing parents. In time you may want to suggest they seek one out if they have not already. All though you don't say, I am assuming she has a husband/partner. Be sure he receives some attention too. Men often appear stoic but are feeling the same terrible loss for just as long as the mothers.
2006-10-29 01:31:30 · answer #3 · answered by digitsis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss. A heartfelt hug & I'm so sorry are best I believe. A sympathy card would be nice as well. You could send flowers or a plant if you are financially able but the hug is probably what they need the most right now & the assurance that you'll be there for them if they need you for ANYTHING. God Bless.
2006-10-29 01:25:43 · answer #4 · answered by dmommab@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awww, so sorry to hear of you and your cousins loss.
My sister lost her daughter Jennifer at 6 weeks old and I was pregnant with my second.
Flowers for the funeral and a card of sympathy is best, but your support is most important, your cousin will need all the strength she can get at the moment to help her through this time
My prayers are with you xxx
2006-10-29 01:29:27 · answer #5 · answered by WW 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be yourself. Say what you would want to hear if this had happened to you. Don't abandon the baby's parents just because you don't know what to say. That only looks bad. Just be there and let them know that you are there for support if they need anything. That alone is worth tons. Don't freak out and don't take your kids with you. They do NOT need to see or be around this.
2006-10-29 01:19:35 · answer #6 · answered by Lori 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just let them know that you will always be there if they need someone to talk to, or whatever they need. I don't know how close you are to these family members. I would bring flowers to the funeral, I think. My thoughts and prayers are with you folks during this time.
2006-10-29 03:20:44 · answer #7 · answered by Rosey55 D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for the loss. This happened to this past June. Yoy can only be there when she needs you. No one knew what to say to me so they never called or came around and now I dnt talk to them anymore. So just stay strong for her and be there.
2006-10-29 01:23:34 · answer #8 · answered by KHARI 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the same as you would at any visitation. how sorry you are, offer your support if youre willing to give it. Card and or flowers, dont go broke.
2006-10-29 01:17:52 · answer #9 · answered by David B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am terribly sorry for you loss. and that is something that should be said to your cousins as well. a sympathy card is acceptable. No gifts in general....gifts are for Celebrating not for funerals.
2006-10-29 01:17:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋