Marriage Question??

Question

Been married 16 years , have 3 children over 10 always had a wonderful marriage. Caught him cheating at a hotel, never, how do i get past, not sure i can, financially secure, how do i explain to my children if we seperate, how do i keep my head up. I truly love this man, how do i get past the lie and humiliation. I am more hurt from the decite, i can get over the act. How do i trust again. If i ask him to leave, how do I cope, never been alone in 16 years??

Answer 1

find a good shrink and have a chat with him. But it sounds like your husband wasnt as happy as you were.

Answer 2

wow sorry! makes ya wonder how many other times this could have happened or if this was the first. you have alot of questions running through your head right now. i'd suggest sitting down making a list, and writing out the pro's and con's to the situation you are facing. also have you talked to your husband about what happened? you are the one that knows him best, or should, and should be able to tell if he is lying to you (comon, you've been with him for 16 yrs!). Have you voiced your feelings towards him about this at all either? In an intellegent way? The two of you can also opt for joint marriage counselling as well too, to see it that can or will help you out. But from the sounds of things, if you can get over the act, then you surely can get past this.

Answer 3

I know this is gonna sound trite, but I swear it's the most important thing you can do to keep your head up and stay strong. You've gotta take care of yourself. This means praying out loud to God at any moment you feel weak (and I'm not that religious but it helps, even if it's just to hear yourself talk). Rally your friends & family around you. Exercise every day and take a lot of vitamins, because the stress you are under is really taking a toll on your brain & body, and you need to keep your brain chemistry as full of seratonin as possible.
Number 1 thing to remember is, You are not alone. There are millions of women out there that this has happened to you, and it's not your fault, and it's okay to be alone. There are more unmarried households now than married, so being married is a minority anyway. If you're alone, at least you get to go to bed when you want and watch whatever you want on TV. Like I said, this may sound trite, but it's the little things that get you through the day, that help keep that head up. Good luck to you, in whatever decision you & your husband make.

Answer 4

First of all, if he isn't willing to do whatever he has to do to make this right with you, then there is nothing you can do. The point is, he may never cheat again but you will always doubt him. You have to decide if you can live your life that way. Trust and respect is hard to come by. You have children, which bind you together for life, but not necessarily in marriage. Maybe go see a counselor, if he can open up & be honest and figure out why he cheated, maybe you can resolve it. If he is unwilling to change the situation and you cannot find it in yourself to trust him again, then you have to trust your feelings and break away. Sorry to have to suggest this, but get yourself regularly tested for venerial diseases & HIV. It is not nice or comfortable, but his actions have put you @ risk now. Above all have faith and trust in God, put all your pain into his hands.

Answer 5

You are a mature person, teaching others (your children) how to live and solve every-day problems. So act smart. You do not have to force yourself to trust him.
I'd say keep him. I mean, he can still do something useful; at least take out garbage and take your children to nature on weekends (children need father!). But start living your life. Show him that you are busy and that you are even stronger alone because you can make your own decisions and nothing is limiting you anymore.
Buy yourself a nice trip to an exotic country, bring hot pictures from there... he'll see your value again. You will not be humiliated and he will come back on his knees to you.
If it happens again. Just leave. Without saying a word and without listening to a single word of him. Love stays, just partners change.

Answer 6

First, understand that he isn't going to change. He cheated once, he WILL do it again. The only thing you can change is yourself. If you love him so very much,then you will have to accept and overlook this part of who he is. Personally, I had to too much self respect to put up with that kind of crap and I left. Being alone was terrifying, but it was better than living a lie. I went to college, got my degree, raised my kids and am doing very much better without him. He,on the other hand has been married 8 times, and they all divorced him for the same reason, he cannot be monogamous, he is incapable of that. It is habitual with men like that, they are into the conquest and the chase, once they achieve marriage, the fun for them is over, and they go looking for the next gullible woman out there to flatter into bed. You have to decide what you are willing to live with, because I guarantee you, it WILL happen again.....and again.....and yet again.

Answer 7

I suggest going to a counselor be your self, i believe that you are sure about your feeling about him. You can go to a marriage counselor with him when you have a clear head and a ready heart. Talk to your children, they are over 10, so its not like you are still in the raising and grooming phase like at 5 years old. You dont have to tell them specific details but there will be some resentment, dont act irregular, like showering them with gifts. Anyways, you could also go to a family psych therapist. And believe me you are not alone, many people in this country, have dicvorces and re marry and are married when they are fully secure. I think you should talk to a counselor, then talk with a counselor with him and then as a family, by then you can make your decision which hopefully will be clear and responsible.

Answer 8

What did he say about it? If you decide to stay with him tell him he will have to earn the trust back and that it may take a long time for you to trust him again. If you decide to kick him out just tell the children that mom and dad not getting along and you both love them and that will never change. I hope you make the right decision for you. If you are not happy them the kids won't be happy either, they pick put on things like that. So make yourself happy and everything else will fall into place. God Bless

Answer 9

it isn't going to be easy. But you and your children will be better off if you move on. Ask yourself do you really want to be married to a man who has lied and cheated and could of possibly spread some nasty STD and endanger your health.

you tell your children that sometimes mom and dad just can't live together anymore, but you will both still be there for them and love them.

then you go get yourself a house or apartment and file for divorce. he lied, he cheated, and you don't know what he is capable of next if he would stoop that low.

as for never being alone for 16 years you need to find other things to do and heal from this all together before pursuing any other relationship. develop some hobbies, raise your children, go back to school, etc.

Answer 10

You are actually in a good situation. If he knows that you know, he owes you one. Most of the Celebrity wives get a really nice piece of jewelry when they catch their guy cheating, but in your case, I would hold out for a College education. That way, if anything ever happens to your man, or your marriage, you will be able to stand on your OWN two feet. But, pick something practical to major in, something in the medical field, perhaps.
As for the pain and humiliation, remember, "Revenge is a dish best served cold", get in shape, and vow to not be a dishrag again, toughen up, sister.

Answer 11

I truly sympathize with you on this one. I have been there and done that....and I know how bad it hurts! You just have to do what you have to do....the kids will understand someday. It was NOT your fault he cheated, or lied. It was ALL him! Hold your head up high, tell him to pack his junk and get out, then call your lawyer in the morning. You just take each step that follows the last one. You deserve better than what he gave! Good Luck!! Being alone is better than being with a lying, cheating, scoundrel.