I try hold her at times and not try anything, I bring her flowers and candy every other week just because I love her. I then ask her if she feels like doing anything and she says she doesn't feel good or she is tired. I don't know if having a baby 3 months ago has anything to do with it, but is it wrong to question her love for me for not having sex often? I even began questioning her about cheating and of course she denies. She used to have her hands all over me. 2 kids later, it seems like the only purpose for our bed is for sleeping.
2006-10-29 01:49:04 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Welcome to married life. After 2 kids my wife quit wanting intimacy and would get mad if I asked for sex. Over the next 8 years the lack of intimacy grew till I didnt feel close to her. When I finally sought counseling with her she admitted to being in love with another man who she was having an affair with. She no longer felt close to me and now we are seperated on the way to divorce. The two of you need counseling and communicate your desires.
2006-10-29 01:59:25 · answer #1 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well does she spend all her time with the kids? Especially the baby? I'm the father of 3 kids and I know when they are newborns it's hard to have any time to yourself. And when you do, the main thing your going to want is to sleep.
That's great that you want to hold your wife and not do anything and getting her flowers and candy.
But what she's really wanting is for you to be considerate of her and her feelings. She probably thinks that your being selfish wanting sex, and also questioning her about cheating didn't help, because now she thinks that you don't trust her.
As a parent I can tell you when it comes to sex, after you have kids, things change.
Before my wife and I had kids we were all over each other. Now we are just content to be able to spend time together alone when we have it. She probably would like you to help her more with the kids.
As far as sex goes, women are turned on differently than men. Men are turned on by sight, where as women are turned on by events of the day. So if you notice her, and listen to her, and help her, when she's not so tired from taking care of the baby, she may be more interested in sex.
Also just try spending quality time with her, without any expectations of sex. It will show her that your really committed to your marriage and to her. It will definitely strengthen your marriage.
2006-10-29 01:07:23 · answer #2 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first of all, i Will not point a finger or be nasty in my answer. I hate when people rip on those trying to find a honest answer. Just keep an open mind as I try to point some things out to you.
I also have two children. During the first pg, and after, I remained very sexual...apatite did not change. During my second pg and after...my level of intimacy was gone. I couldn't have cared less when my husband and I would make love again. In my case, it was a combination of things....having an affair was not one of them. First off, I was tired. It takes alot out of you to have two little ones at home. Second, my hormones were all screwed up. My ob-gyn told me that this sometimes happens and I am sorry, but I do not remember what the fix was, and third...and possibly the most important, my thyroid was not working at all, So I needed to get on some medication. This decreased my tiredness, gave me energy and put my libido back on track. I would suggest you and your wife visit a Dr. and have this checked out. Having a baby can create havoc on a woman's body...and mind. Depression can also be a result of having a new baby. Don't rule it out, okay. I hope this helps.
P.S. kids are now a bit older and I am giving my husband run for his money in the bedroom. Good luck
2006-10-29 02:02:52 · answer #3 · answered by KaLee 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wives go through this everytime especially when they become mothers, taking care of babies, kids and they don't want to have sex but just cuddle, which men don't understand why. You as a man should take the initiative to make love with her without even asking because she will always say "no I'm tired". Arouse her first, get her heated up it will take time but make sure to arouse her. Give her a massage and tell her how much you love her and how beautiful she is. Wives sometimes need assurance from their husbands. Don't give up. And at time most of wives can be easily heated up at early 4:30- 5am try that way. Don't ask, just do it.
2006-10-29 04:07:41 · answer #4 · answered by Cindy R 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First mistake is you questioned her. If she was questioning you over sex and cheating you probably wouldn't want to have sex with her either. The baby has a lot to do with it too I'm sure. You have a baby 3 months ago, your hormones are out of whack, you're tired, and you have another kid to look after. I'm sure she is ready to pass out by bed time. Give it a while and let her get back in to the swing of things. Newborns drain a woman big time. Stop asking her if she wants it and let nature take it's course. She will come around, her body has to get adjusted first though.
2006-10-29 01:01:04 · answer #5 · answered by ~*~frankie~*~ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First i'm hoping this isn't my brother in regulation !She in all likelihood grew to change into very depress with the hysterectomy .And eating could have a lot more effective damage than good and it type of feels even as she's eating she is comfortable from melancholy ,subsequently she shows you she loves you .as far as erectile days nicely it really is locate ! Hers are more effective typically ( yet her erections are hiding up interior) She shouldn't change into disillusioned even as she basally has an same kinda of days .and notwithstanding in case you stumble on a lady to "be with" If she's youthful she will be able to not help you with that ( a minimum of spouse facilitates often times )seems you've been married alongside time .So there is diverse friendship and love between you both .( not worth an affair ) attempt a "honey moon " quite and change into more effective playful ( welcome to center age ) i'm hoping the suitable to you both
2016-12-05 08:23:47 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is tired an worn out from the kids. She needs a break. Take the kids to one of your parents and get them to spend the night. Take the wify out so that she feels like a woman agian and not a stuck at home mom.
2006-10-29 01:01:47 · answer #7 · answered by ronnny 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
HANG IN THERE, HELL SHE HAD A BABY 3 MOS AGO?? SHE COULD HAVE A CASE OF THE BABY BLUES!! HELP HER, WHEN YOU GET HOME FROM WORK TAKE THE KIDS, GIVE HER A BREAK, DRAW HER A BATH, BRING HOME DINNER, TAKE HER OUT, BUT BE SURE YOU HAVE RELIABLE SITTER!! TWO KIDS CAN BE TOUGH!! DON'T YOU DARE MENTION CHEATING AGAIN!!!! SHAME ON YOU, WHEN WOULD SHE HAVE TIME TO CHEAT? BETWEEN DIAPER CHANGES??? JUST BE PATIENT AND DO ALL YOU CAN FOR HER, SHE'LL COME AROUND!!
2006-10-29 01:03:59 · answer #8 · answered by mamaexfour 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
OK having a new baby will wear her out....
So welcome to my class... marraige 101
I might be wrong, but I get the impression that you expect that when you go to bed...that she just turn it on and let you have it.
Fact is... Unless you are doing the things ALL DAY LONG, that makes her feel like you care, like you love her, like you appreciate her, like you respect her and like you desire her.
How do you do that, you might ask...
It's that little note you leave for her before you leave for work...that says you love her.
It's the flowers you bring home...just because
It's that... Honey let me watch the kids for you so you can get some personal Me Time
It's the kiss on her neck while she's cooking...and then after dinner telling her... go ahead and I relax...I'll clean up the kitchen.
It's all the things you do all day long.... that makes her want you.
She can't just turn it on...because you want her to.
If you need to take my course...Interpersonal marriage 201, let me know...
Good luck...now go practice!
2006-10-29 01:03:15 · answer #9 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Mr . first you need to apologize to her for your snap judgemt. She loved u enough to give birth to your child 3 mo ago. Unless you want your kids b2b . y not try helping with the other child & the infant this way it will safe her energy for when you want the sex. The more you time u spend helping out with your kids the more time she will have for you.Try give her a back rub to sensually arouse her desire . tease her into wanting sex.
2006-10-29 01:12:41 · answer #10 · answered by angelluvswolf 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋