What would you do if your daughter did this ,experienced answers plse lives with b/f who threat dad's life?

Question

My only daughter's b/f is F.A.S has numerous health problems which he uses to keep her close to him.She believes everything he says.She will not listen anybody when they trash him. B/c she is seems to be starved for love & attention.But she get lots of love from her dad & I her nana & her bros.
She & her b/f argue constantly,sometimes it gets physical & she will beat him/slap /punch him.Still he will go back to him & vice versa.His cousins often come to his rescue & will try to beat her or threaten her life.
I fear that one day one of them will do serious damage to her b/c of her attitude.She loves him with all her being.
Makes my family frusterated that she won't get out of the emotional abuse relationship. Thanks in advance for serious not sarcastic advice.

My daughter is an adult. He is 14 yrs older. Doesn't live is same town as me.

Answer 1

This is just terrible.

Her behaviour is very abusive as well as self-destructive and at the root cause of all of this, is her own negative self-esteem she is trying to shut-herself down to the real stuff going on inside of her and explains the violence she is demonstrating. People who are shut down are not in touch with their emotions and when they abuse others, there is a great deal of denial on her part too.

She does not love this man if she beats him and is likely that she has some issues surrounding men and in reality does not trust them. Her behaviour says a great deal about the way she views men, not just her boyfriend. There is an underlying issue/reason that is causing her to be this way and she is punishing others for what she feels herself but cannot access her emotions whilst she is focusing all of her time on this man.

She also feels that in some ways she deserves this knid of treatment from her partner and she is easily influenced by him - she is crying out to be rescued but no one can rescue her only herself and that means she is going to have to be in touch with her feelings to find out why.

Even though her boyfriend assaults her too, and is very wrong, is no cause for her to be abusive back and she is abusive because it is something going on inside of her that makes her the way she is (the boyfriend is just only a smaller part of a much bigger picture). She is running away from what is going on in with her and her boyfriend is the focal point for all of her own anger and pain.

People who beat and do these abusive things are generally in a great deal of emotional pain about something to do with them themselves and when they are with someone they are doing this with, the real reasons get blurred and she cannot seperate what belongs to her and what belongs to the relationship and so she then projects everything onto this man whilst not dealing with what is going on with her.

As her father, it is not going to be possible for you do more than what you are doing for her and I would recommend standing back from the situation she is also involving you in something only she can do something about. If you step back, then it is likely that the sooner she will come to a decision of her own about him because you will refuse to have anything more to do with it.

A part of her behaviour is also a cry for help and whilst you are being a support to her, she is also rejecting that from you. If she sees that you are going to leave her to it, you will soon find that her relationship with this man will come to an end and because she will lose your support.

She is an adult afterall and it is her decision and your intervention will not change the way she makes her decisions. You can be supportive and be there for her as a father, but getting too involved, is not changing anything. If she is being threatened then it is up to her to call the police, but they won't do anything if she refuses to report abuse or threats herself. She will be in denial about it and because of her own behaviour towards this man.

This is the advice you need. There is definitely more to this than meets the eye and her behaviour is a lot more to do with her issues of trust around men than this abusive relationship itself. Something has gone before her relationship with this man and he is not responsible for what that is, only what he himself does to her.

I think standing far back as you can is going ot be the best thing you can do and let her be the one that comes to you and sooner or later she will talk with you about the real issues she is carrying around with her.

Answer 2

There needs to be a separation of these people.
Women frequently act this way and it can lead, as you say to violence. You mentioned a threat to someone's life. Use that to get the authorities involved, and call the police everytime violence starts.
If nothing else the presence of the police and the fact the you have the courage to call them will sooner or later bring peace back. God loves the peace makers, and that makes you one of his servants.
Do not raise a hand personally. That is what the police are for. They will separate the offenders and after a while they will realize you have begun to control the problem.

It's time for prayer.

Answer 3

You don't say how old your daughter is so it is hard to know how to answer this question, but it does sound like a serious situation that could not only lead to trouble with the law, but could lead to permanent injury or death.

If she is a minor and he is not, even though forbidding her to see him may only backfire, I would contacting a attorney and get a restraining order and consider moving to another town or shipping her off to relatives and get her into counseling.

If she is an adult you and your husband into counseling and try to get your daughter to go with you as a family and hope that it will lead to her getting the help she needs to see how to deal with her boyfriend's condition and manage her own anger and abusive behavior to short-circuit his behavior before things escalate into physical violence by either party.

Answer 4

now all u can do is pray to god for help.
i tink that girl is way too deep into the relationship...but there is always hope. try having an open and honest discussion with her.
make her feel that she can have a better relationship wid a better mannered boy than dis one.
look her in the eyes and tell her how precious she is 2 u.
all the best!!

Answer 5

YOU DIDN'T STATE HOW OLD DAUGHTER IS. BUT IF SHE IS OF AGE, ALL YOU CAN DO IS SIT BACK AND LET HER LEARN FROM HER MISTAKES!! TRYING TO SAVE HER WON'T HELP, SHE'LL JUMP INTO SAME RELATIONSHIP NEXT TIME!! JUST BE THERE, AND OFFER ADVICE ONLY IF ASKED. IT'S HEART BREAKING TO WATCH A CHILD GO THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS BUT, SHE HAS TO LEARN FROM HER MISTAKES!! IF SHE'S NOT OF AGE, GO SNATCH HER UP AND CALL THE POLICE!! GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 6

That is a very unhealthy, destructive relationship.
Try to get them help before someone winds up in jail.