Pls help me out ....?

Question

I am married, but knowingly or unknowingly I keep thinking about one of my colleague. The more i try to avoid such thinkings but still it comes.. I don't know what to do..anyone out there have such situation.. Am I cheating my partner... what to do ?

Answer 1

One aspect of being a grown-up is being able to exercise self-control. That's why young people are advised to wait to get married -- they are not always ready to keep their commitments. If you are having serious difficulties with your marriage, you should try to resolve them. But if you are just indulging yourself with some fantasies then I suggest you develop the strength of character to stop these fantasies before they get you into trouble.

A crush comes with certain feelings that often disappear after two people have been together for some time. If someone else causes you to have these feelings, you would naturally want to continue experiencing them. But you could compare a crush to Ice Cream. Yes, it's enticing, but you know there will be consequences if you keep dipping your spoon into the container -- and you must stop yourself after a few mouthfuls. Is it okay to indulge yourself for a little while? I would say yes, as long as you don't let the other person know how you feel -- and if you pull back after a relatively short time. If you allow yourself to indulge in this crush over a longer period, and if you let the other party know your feelings, you will put your marriage at great risk.

Here are some tips how to avoid getting mixed up:

Don't go on a pub crawl with the gang unless you bring your spouse. It's not an accident that most country songs about cheating take place in bars. Alcohol lowers inhibitions.

Don't lunch alone with your friend all the time; invite some others along.

Don't be the last to leave a party or business dinner with this person, and don't offer a ride home.

Talk positively about your spouse to your friend. Complaints don't count -- and if you both start talking about your rotten sex lives at home, you're hooked.

If permitted, invite your husband along to social and business functions such as overnight conventions, parties and outings. If not, have him or her pick you up at the office, and make introductions to your special pal.

Don't share your mate. It's fine to lend a hand to a deserving friend, but since four hands are even better, why don't you go along?

Don't sulk at home. If evening entertaining or cocktails is part of your husband's business, make it part of yours, too.

Keep up with your husband's business and other interests.

Ask what new sexual techniques your partner would like to try, and tell him or her your secret desires.

Plan frequent outings and try activities you know the other your husband likes.

When you are apart, communicate meaningfully. Don't limit yourself to perfunctory phone calls. Talk at least 10 minutes a day.

If he is going to be on the road for a long time, tuck a tape of your voice reading their favorite books or poems into the luggage.

Make sure your mate has a current, flattering picture of you for the office, and maybe some fun snapshots, too.

Good Luck>r

Answer 2

Maybe your life with your partner needs some extra excitement. Change your routine a little bit and try refresh what you had. This way you may get over it, but don't try so hard to avoid, because the harder you try the more you'll think about it for sure, because like this it is constantly in your mind. Also does this colleague show some kind of affection or does sth to cause your thoughts? If yes then you have to point out that you are married and you love your partner and that it has to stop.

Answer 3

If its in your mind alot its definitely a possibility of becoming real. Lust in the heart is a form of cheating only because it can lead to it. Look at it as a warning sign. Obviously its not at the point where you are physically encountering this person, but what about this person makes them so appealing? is it sexual? is it attention? what is lacking in your marriage right now that would make you fantasize about being with someone else? If you want your husband and marriage to work then take this as an opportunity to learn what this message is saying to you and about your relationship. Take that information and act on it by communicating your needs to your husband. You said you keep THINKING about him, not fantasizing about him there is a difference. sometimes its much more dangerous to be attracted to someone else for them to fulfill the needs that you are missing from your marriage, versus just a hottie that you wonder what it would be like to have sex with.... Its very admirable that you respect your husband and marriage to question this rather then reacting to it. If you love your husband just let him know what he's not giving you so you dont feel this way about another man. But dear God do not tell him LOL your thinking this about another man (at least not yet).. just communicate your needs and see what happens. God Bless ya!

Answer 4

You are not cheating but sounds like you want to. I think you feel the way you do because you are missing something, maybe your colleague gave you extra attention and your spouse hasnt. I say talk to your husband and work things out before you get tempted to do something you will regret later. Stay away from your colleague and only talk to him when it is work related.

I think your colleague does something you like and you are obsessed over that.For example, if your colleague runs every morning to stay fit including weekends, meanwhile your husband gets home from work and sits on the couch, you will then wish your hubbie was like your colleague. Instead of thinking about your colleague, do something with you hubbie.

Answer 5

You might be stressed out and having a little 'crush' is your mind's way of settling it out. The best thing is to concentrate all this energy on your husband instead, give him the best of your time rather than drain yourself mentally with this other person. Try to improve your sex life, be more romantic and affectionate, spend more time with each other and get to know (again) all the reasons that you fell in love with about him in the first place.

Answer 6

Everyone from time to time fantasizes about the greener grasses. Part of the appeal is that they are unattainable or at least shouldn't be ventured into. Once that itch to stray is scratched it will lose it's appeal and might even cost you a marriage and a career. It's best to take a look at the big picture and realize that anyone can like you at your best. Only the one who likes you at your worse is the keeper.

Answer 7

the thing is dat u r not getting the perfect love(i mean u jus need to spend some time wid ur partner) so u tend to think of the other person. so jus go and tell ur partner dat u need him\her and trust me u wud soon find urself only in ur partners world!

Answer 8

Share this feeling first with ur better-half. Start thinking negatives of ur colleague then u will get bad impression on him and u vil forget him soon.all the best

Answer 9

hiya jes, me an indian too. however the subject is that i'm a lill elder (23 now). so which you dated for 2 months!! ok thats a very couple of minutes for some one to die for. in case you die , will the guy you adore sense stable? won't he blame himself for this? and could this be happy with you? as properly as that's seen you do no longer look after your self or your loved ones's 19 years of love, care and dedication in direction of you. what do you think of they'll sense approximately your dying . could be satisfied precise !! (properly it is what you think of) its no longer approximately castism, its approximately being greater worrying in direction of you . you will no longer sense this now with the aid of fact you think of you're in love. i even have gone by using this degree. felt like dying. and then have been given a sparkling guy who enjoyed me too an i too fell in love with him yet he nonetheless became lost and that i felt suicidal lower back and after now and lower back i've got been given yet another guy am in love with .!!! you would be unable to get a guy if he's not your destiny. you will get in basic terms YOUR guy. God has greater desirable plans for you. you're in basic terms 19 . it is the effortless feeling at this AGE. merry christmas ..appreciate..

Answer 10

Until you act on it. I'd have to say NO. But it seems for the 3 sentences you have here, that there are some other issues that you prolly should look into. Before you get youself in trouble.