K. I think my friend is useing me. The only time she calls me is just to borrow movies all the time. And ask for me to babysit her kid. I keep telling her that I have to go to my classes at college and I'm busy , I cant watch her kid. She went to school for a whlie , but droped out. Her huspand is my boyfriend best friend. And they are the ones who hooked us up. But she sometimes asks for me and my boyfriend for money. They live on welfare and me and my boyfriend had enough of this. And when she calls me is only to borrow movies and sometimes I dont get them back for a long time. What can me and my boyfriend do. We have a life of our own and we are getting married after college , but we dont want to look after her kid , cause I need to watch mine. What can I say to her and not to hurt her feelings? And make her get the point that she could call just to hang out and not just want money or movies or babysit. Please help and thank you.
2006-10-28 21:41:32 · 10 answers · asked by kitty 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Everytime she calls , I already know what she want's. Is she a true friend?
2006-10-28 21:44:18 · update #1
ALL ADVICE.
2006-10-28 21:47:48 · update #2
Hmmm...I kinda feel where you're coming from with this...not that I've experienced the exact same situation but I've been 'used' by so called 'friends' before.
It's going to be difficult either way you go.
Try breaking it to her gently. Explain that you do have a life of your own with your own responsibilities to take care of and cannot possibly take hers on board as well. (but maybe in a nicer way)
Be firmer with her if it does not quite click. In either case, she may understand or worst-case scenario be offended and as a result break whatever friendship you have off completely...this may not happen, as it depends entirely on the character of your friend.
Essentially...you need to sit down and be honest with her, tell her how you feel as though you are being used by her calling only for you babysit...etc. and how you would like this to change.
If things don't work out, you'll just have to bite the bullet and deal with the outcome and move on.
2006-10-29 01:07:42 · answer #1 · answered by Chio 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually it doesn't seem like she's a true friend if she only calls you for a favour. However there's no need to be rude, if you just decline everytime she wants something...she'll get the hint. If she asks for movies...that's okay as long as she doesn't lose them...her life can't be all that great with a kid and no money so letting her borrow a couple of your movies won't kill you. But don't lend her money if her returning it (or the lack of) is disturbing you and only babysit when you are completely free. Why not ask your boyfriend to tell his friend that his wife is hassling you and that you're not comfortable doing the babysitting or lending money. And why do you want to hang out with her at all?
2006-10-28 22:55:23 · answer #2 · answered by DrSH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question with the 2nd to the last sentence. If she is tough enough to just take & take, she can handle hearing that you value her as a human being. A book on the subject that is very real & a great sense of humor is called "Boundaries" by Cloud or Townsend, I forget which. They have a whole series on building loving boundaries into any relationship & also why we are hesitant to do so. Check it out, it sounds like something you would enjoy & put to good use.
2006-10-28 21:48:48 · answer #3 · answered by gettin'real 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Real friends don't use you for their own comfort! Talk to her about it. Tell her nicely that she is making you uncomfortable with the way you treat her. Tell her that you don't want her to make you take care of her baby, and so on. Decline when she asks for your money or movies or asks you to babysit. If she ignores this and continues to use you, then she's not a real friend. Let her go.
Good luck.
2006-10-28 23:08:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely precise! (And mostly, a few rather well Italian pasta and tomato sauce does not harm both!) A reasuring presence, ... A gentle while occasions are darkish, A hand achieving out, ... Is what friendship is all approximately! (Author Unknown) "Arivederche Y'all!" ... :)
2016-09-01 04:15:05 · answer #5 · answered by chautin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest, but sometimes you can't do this without hurting feelings. You have to decide that no matter what her reaction is you are willing to live with it when you tell her. If you don't tell her it will just get worse and you will start to resent her.
2006-10-28 21:45:25 · answer #6 · answered by rompecabezas_sin_resolver 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she seems like useing u, ur right
when she calls again, try some "lame" excuses, it will make her notice what shes doing step by step
on the other hand, in order not to lose her and her husbands as ur friends, call them from time to time to hangout or something
believe me , she will get the message, just dont be ashamed to to that.
goodluck
2006-10-29 00:04:24 · answer #7 · answered by Yasmine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems like she's not a friend at all. Try talking to her and telling her about how you feel, if she doesn't understand, just dump her.
2006-10-28 23:11:10 · answer #8 · answered by Caity 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just take out their name from ur Friendlist and avoid them like u avoid the plague.
2006-10-28 21:44:35 · answer #9 · answered by nitewing 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
of course she is using you
you taught her how to treat you
get busy elswhere
2006-10-28 21:44:36 · answer #10 · answered by q6656303 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋