i dont know if i love him or fear him.i just dont know what i feel anymore.i have been curious about meeting new people but everyone knows him and i dont want anyone talking.so i keep to my self. hes in prison, but i dont know if i want to be with him, or just leave.i stay because we have children and they love him and he loves them.but what would you do in a situation in wich you have no idea of what to feel?
2006-10-28 20:58:57 · 32 answers · asked by super girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its a hard thing to deal with when someone you love or care about is in jail but its also a good time to reflect on you and to do some major thinking about your future.
2006-10-28 21:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by mafiaqueen1900 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm thinking if you had to use the word "fear" while trying to decide what you feel for him, it's probably not a good thing. That's not part of love. Staying because of the children is not a good thing either. You have to love him and be committed to the relationship in order for it to work. Being apart from him does not mean the children will be taken from him. He can certainly have visitation. I know this is an extremely difficult decision, especially because children are involved, but you must think of yourself in all of this too. If you can work things out with their father, and feel love and happiness, of course that would be the best thing. But this "fear" thing is bothering me. That word does not belong in a healthy loving relationship.
Good luck.
2006-10-28 22:01:24 · answer #2 · answered by MyPreshus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm sure this is driving you crazy but I don't think that you can find a quick and easy answer. The best thing for you to do is get away from everything that is associated with him for a while, his house, his friends, etc. Being disassociated with him for a short period of time will give you the chance to clear your mind and find your true feelings. During this time don't talk to anyone associated with your relationship. Do not let any of his friends or your friends know what you are doing and especially where you are going to take this break from the stress that keeps you from learning what you feel and what would be the best thing for you to do for yourself and your children. If you truely love him you will realize it when your mind clears and if you don't love him that to will present itself during that time. Good luck, I hope I have been of some help to you.
2006-10-28 21:33:37 · answer #3 · answered by Ed D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your man is in jail and you want to find a new guy then you really need to get your priorities straight. The kids love him and he loves them? He must not love them that much if he was willing to commit a crime and risk going to jail and abandoning them. He can justify it all he wants but when a parent leaves like that children feel abandoned. If he truly loved them he would get an education and a good job and be there for his kids. And if you are afraid of him then you have bigger issues as why the heck would you be with someone you are afraid of.
2006-10-28 21:07:45 · answer #4 · answered by jnp3577 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a talk with yourself if you really want to. Otherwise get professional help. You might be interested in other people because you're feeling lonely, with him being in prison instead of with you. Wait for him to come out and see if you can lead a normal life with him, leave him only if you're sure that you can't live with him at all and you don't love him at all. Don't dump him now.
2006-10-28 23:05:43 · answer #5 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that you don't know how you feel about him. You've got to decide if he is the one person you can't live without for the rest of your life, not the one you can live with. This is your time to figure that out. I spent 10 years in my marriage that was abusive from day 1 and I kept thinking that I need to stay because of my children. But it led to him nearly beating me to death because I didn't leave him. You really need to analyze the situation to see if you can picture yourself with this person for the rest of your life, living the life that you do. If not, no matter how hard, you need to move on for the sake of your children. There is someone out there for you who will love you and your children, regardless of anything. I know my hero found me. Best wishes to you and stay strong!
2006-10-28 21:29:11 · answer #6 · answered by MSLH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of future does this guy offer you and your kids if he is in prison? Can you move to another place and start over? That doesn't mean he has no right to see his kids but he hasn't set a very good example as a Dad so far. maybe he will change but percentages are not in his favor. You deserve a better life for yourself and your kids.
2006-10-28 21:15:42 · answer #7 · answered by Justme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the children love him & he loves his children, then I think you should stay. If I were you then I take the decision for staying. I know it’s not going to be so easy, but just think one thing. You are alone & dependent right now. But after some time when your children are grown up, you will not need anyone else. So stay for the sake of your children, try to restart your life from now on, think that your children are now your life & you have to live for them. Don't think anything else except of your children's future.
2006-10-28 22:39:02 · answer #8 · answered by emmshazi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
youre not confused re read your question and youll clearly see the answer. why stay in a relationship if theres nothing left of it. dont you think that you and your kids deserve better. what example and role model will the dad be to your kids when hes in and out of jail? Do you want your kids to follow in their dads footsteps? wake up girl and get the guts and walk away from it. there is always ways to stop him from stalking you when he comes out of jail. the law deals strongly with people and situations like that. good luck
2006-10-28 21:12:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That's some ****. You don't love him but because of the children you just don't know what to do. It's not a good sign if you're scare of him. Better cut and run. But don't cut him out of the children life. But if he's going to hurt you he might hurt the children.
2006-10-28 21:07:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋