My spouse always seems to be leaving the house for various reasons to his parents, siblings, and friends' homes spending more time with them than spending time at home with his wife and children. So who should be of more importance?
2006-10-28 20:08:25 · 19 answers · asked by Jynxed 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well I figure if the spouse comes first, everything else will fall into place. You husband may find it difficult to tell his parents no but he really needs to realize that his birth family is no longer his first family. Once we marry and start a family, that family becomes our first family. Good luck!! ;-)
Mary
PS
Maybe once you get a lotta responses, maybe you should share the comments of others with him. Maybe it will help him see things in a different light.
2006-10-28 20:15:12 · answer #1 · answered by maryannmccarthy2003 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With out a doubt Children and you come first in anything when married.You need to tell him that he needs to get his priorities straight or your leaving cause this situation leaves the way open for him to have an affair or doing illegal things that end-up putting you and the kids in jeopardy.Sit him down and give him the ultimatum and if he chooses.But if he is doing thing's to help others out ask him to start limiting the time and amount of thing's he does because the kid's and you need his attention as well.
2006-10-28 22:41:47 · answer #2 · answered by rsbalent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I should be no contest, hands down the spouse and children. I went thru a similar situation in my marriage. She just wasn't ready to be a wife and perhaps he is not ready to be a husband either. I am now divorced because I tried everything even counseling and to the counselor said that I was psychologically married to my wife, my mother in law and my oldest daughter (this freaked me out but made sense after the explanation) My wife of course we were married, my mother in law was trying to live our marriage by her daughter and my oldest daughter seeing that the children and me were neglected had "assumed" the role of alpha female.
I would suggest talking to your spouse and try to expose your point in a calm rational manner, no fighting please. If that doesn't work seek professional help.
I hope you can save your marriage, if you would like to talk more please im me.
2006-10-28 20:16:09 · answer #3 · answered by ttepinzon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wife and Children. If this is not his opinion than let him know that you are not happy (happiness is number one in my book) and go learn to be happy without him. This could work as a reality check for him. Now days who needs a man to be happy? Not me and I am married with four kids but I make my own life so that I can be happy with or with out him.
2006-10-28 20:21:37 · answer #4 · answered by Its the life I tell ya. ;) 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont believe that there should be an order of importance as much as an order of priority. If he is needed at the house that is where he should be. However his family and some friends are going to need him as well. He should try to schedule certain days of the week for "family time" then he should have other days for "extended family time". You should be able to the same.
2006-10-28 20:18:19 · answer #5 · answered by Kiwi Palmer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Each one of us is the most important in our own liefs if you are ok and happy you will give to your loveones the best of your self. He make a commitment with you when you get married and he have responsibilities so do you. If he's going out to much probably he needs time for him self. How often do you use to talk with him in a good conversation, is he your friend along as your husband? talk to him and restart new communication skills that's the base of everything. Do you love him? Does he loves you? are you happy? etc. etc. etc.
2006-10-28 20:18:41 · answer #6 · answered by gabindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have named the appropriate order in your question: wife, children, parents, siblings, friends- with the only exception being- at top of the list should be.... your God 1st above all.
2006-10-28 20:12:06 · answer #7 · answered by stevehesterman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you and the kids should come first.but he should be able to spend some time with other people .Its about balance ,if it is all on their side and non for you ,then you have a problem ,he may be a people pleaser being pulled around so go gently till you know his motivation ,If he is he can get some help to change that behaviour .Is his family dysfunctional? if it is read up on it and you may be more able to sort it out.
2006-10-28 20:13:15 · answer #8 · answered by stephanie n 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
who comes first is spouse and kids of course. sounds like u need to have a chat with ur spouse. if u want him at home - u need to tell him. be clear, be direct. be prepared to hear the answers to why he prefers to be other places, and then be prepared to make him want to be home more often.
good luck.
2006-10-28 20:13:07 · answer #9 · answered by bettie b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this order:
Children
Humanity (our species)
Wife (Spouse)
Parents
Siblings
Friends
All others
For those who said spouse comes first: if your spouse sexually abused your kids, who should you have most loyalty towards. Your children came to be because of you. They need you. Your spouse is equal to you.
2006-10-28 20:14:24 · answer #10 · answered by Kitiany 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋