I'M 16 and recently just lost my baby.My boyfriend(19) says he want to try to have another 1. what should i do

Question

I really love my boyfriend and we have been together for about a year and a half. we want to get married, but i dont think that my mother will sign the consent forms. but i do want another baby. i feel that having a baby will make me happy and we both really want this.what should i do and what should i say to him?

Answer 1

Hi, Im very sorry you lost your baby, I was in the same posion 5 years ago, I was 16 and lost my baby to my boyfriend who was 19. I was very upset when I lost the baby, and my boyfriend pressured me for another baby, I didn't want another baby, as I thought I was to young but I fell pregnant and had a beautiful healthy baby boy at 17. I thought my boyfriend was the one I wanted to marry but I soon figured out that he wasn't, I looked after this baby he begged me for and I tried to prevent, by myself. Now he has nothing to do with my 4 year old son. I am now only 21 with a 2 year old daughter and another baby on the way. I am married to a wonderful guy. I don't regret having y son I just wish I was older and understood what love really was before I brought a child into the world, and got to know myself better before giving everything I had to my kids. Children are the hardest thing you will ever do. Its very demanding as you give everything you have to your child you are no longer 1st in anything.

I think you should tell your boyfriend that the best thing for you to do is wait until you have finish school, and your at leasted 18 or 19, and if you are still together and serious about a baby then you can readress the issue. You are young and will miss out on your your teenage years if you become a mother to young, its only a few years and you should enjoy it while you can. There is no rush. The baby you lost wasn't ment to be and it should have been a wake up call to realise what you would have to give up on if you had a baby now. I never got to party or go out with my friends, I lost pretty much all my friend as I was a mum and they were free, they are now having kids but we don't talk as we were in differant directions. I couldn't just drop everything to go out to the movies or anything, life is staying in as it is for most parents with young kids.

I hope this has helped you a little, I wouldn't change my life as my kids are my life but I wish I had of waited just a little longer.I feel like I'm losing my mind most days.

Good luck and I hope you don't give your life in now just to keep you boyfriend happy, you have plenty of time to have children and you will a wonderful mother I'm sure. Time flys by make sure you have your life on track before bringing a baby into this world. Best wishes.

Answer 2

Here are a few realities (they seem harsh, but they're true).

Love is a terrible REASON to get married. It's a good start, but there are all kinds of people that you can love, but most of em wouldn't be good for a marriage.

The right time is every bit as important as the right person.

If you're happy now, you'll probably be happy with a baby. If you're not happy now you'll be less happy when you get a baby. A baby will stress you out, cost you money, make you tired and grumpy. They're great, but they're not something that's going to take care of your depression, lonelyness, etc.

What if he leaves you or you need to leave him? What if he gets in an accident? Over 50% of marriages end in divorce, and none of them are planning on it when they get married. Are you prepared to raise the baby alone.

Marriage and babies cost money. If you have a baby, I assume you want to raise him. How much is rent in your area? Add 40% for other housing-related bills. Food is probablly $150 per month per person (depending on how you eat, etc). Do you have insurance? You'll probably pay 250 per month as a family and have a 1000 deductible. Do you want to graduate from High School? What about College? Do you have other dreams that this will prevent you from persueing?

My personal opinion....You can fall in love, get married, have family when you're 25 or 30. HOWEVER, when you're 25 or 30 you can't be 16 again. High school should be fun. If it's not, figure out why it isn't and fix it and make it that way. College is a blast! Seriously good times. I've dated lots of girls. Fallen in love with several of them. Finally I met, dated, and fell in love with the one that I loved AND was my best friend.

BTW...here's a test for you. Tell your boy friend that you guys are going to go 2 weeks without touching each other. No holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc. At the end of 2 weeks you'll know how much substance is in the relationship. (btw, many relationships end after 3 or 4 days bc they realize that they didn't have any thing in common, but they had fun kissing.)

This is a big decision and one that will affect your entire life (for better or for worse). Don't let anyone talk you into making this decision.

IF you do decide to have a baby, make sure that you get married FIRST! He may like the idea of a baby but hate the idea of marriage. Don't set yourself up for failure.

It sounds to me like you think this will solve most of your problems. Know that #1 it won't. #2 it will make your current problems bigger, and #3 it will give you more problems than you currently have.

You can have it all, but you can't have it all not or at the same time.

Answer 3

You really need to grow up a little before you bring a baby into this world. You haven't begun to live.

God, I remember when I was 16. I still didn't have a clue about sex. Here you are already had a miscarriage.

Finish school, go to college are some sort of specialized training and get a good job. Meet people outside of your comfort zone, meaning meet people in other places like work, college, etc.

Take this as a blessing and get on with your life. Don't be tied down. I have just had two children in the past 3 years. I am 40 years old. Trust me, you have a lot of living to do.

The best parent has a broad range of experiences to draw from. I'm not trying to say you can't be a good parent now, but think of how GREAT you could be later!

Answer 4

First let me say I am very sorry to hear you lost a baby. It is a very difficult time and you should not be making any major decisions for at least 6 months. Give yourself time to heal. The people who love you will give you all the time you need. Take it. When I was 12 years old I wanted to have a baby, be married and have a baby, that was my dream. When I was 16 I got pregnant and my boyfriend whom I was very much in love with and who had asked me to marry him. At 2 months he left me and I never saw him again. My parents supported me, I had a little girl, I finished high school and I got married to another man. We had a son, the perfect family. You might think I was lucky, but I was loved. My parents were there to make sure I finished high school and had enough money, to support myself and the baby. The man I married loved me and my baby and worked hard to give us a good life. If you don't have this kind of support and love, it will be a very difficult road and you may wish you had waited to get an education and know that the man you marry can support and love both of you, even when you have to give more attention to the baby than to him. Start being a smart woman right now and talk to people who really love you, (not your boyfriend, you already know how he feels), people who's opinion you respect, then LISTEN to their advice and follow it. It may know be what you want to do, but if they are truly people you know and respect you will not regret following their advice. Do not ask people on the Internet who do not know you and will not be there for you. Best wishes. AB

Answer 5

I'm sorry for your loss, but I think you're a little too young to be thinking about having a baby. I'm 18, my boyfriend's 19, and there's no way in hell we'd have a kid at our age.

My sister got pregnant when she was 17. The father of her child left her, became a drug dealer and will be in prison for a long time. He is no part of the child's life. My sister is now a waitress and works 60+ hours a week just to support herself and her family. There is no time for friends, for parties, for anything fun, not even for GED or college classes to help her find a career. She was forced into growing up very quickly. Is that really what you want?

Wait until you're graduated from high school, financially secure, and married (if not married, then at least in a stable relationship). You're still a kid. A baby will not help you be "happy." It's a lot of work. You need to get your priorities straight and really think this through.

Answer 6

Do you want to o to the bars when you turn 21? How about graduate high school? Collage? Go shopping for a nice pair of jeans? Sleep in on the weekends? What about getting your hair and nails done? You won't be able to afford shopping or getting your hair and nails done. No parting in your future. You will not be able to sleep in until the baby is at least 12. But, then you will probably still have go get up for work. You might not be able to finish school because you will have to be working and it's hard to find a cheap sitter. If you two are in love, what will be hurt by waiting? Except your future. If you want a baby, come up with a plan. On general a child costs about 10,000 dollars a years. Most people who don't graduate make about 16,000. Not much to live on. You have your whole life a head of you. You and your boyfriend will need more than love and want. What will you loose by waiting until you are 18 or 21? Nothing. You will know more about life than you do now. PLUS EVERYTHING CHANGES WHEN YOU TURN 21! At least party for awhile before taking on this life long commitment.

Answer 7

Do not put your hopes for happiness in a baby. I think you must first make yourself happy. Plus you are too young to have a child, it is a big responsibility. How will you feed it? Do you have a job? Does he? How will you be able to finish school? Will he babysit it? Do you have your driver's license? How will you get it to doctor's appointment's? Do you have a car? How will you pay for medical bills? There are so many questions like this that will pop up and I think you should plan out your future and get a good foundation before bringing in a child. I really think you should wait until after high school. Many things can change in two years and your love may not last and if that happens. What will you do when you are alone with a baby?

Answer 8

There is plenty of time ............you are way too young to raise and pay for a child, a home, medical bills, clothes, car , car gas, car insurance and food, diapers, and All sorts of things.

I could write paragraphs of the reasons Not to have a baby now .............and quit sleeping with this Boyfriend! Watch Maury and see what happens to couples that Think they love eachother and they have children.

Don't hurt your parents either. Most end up supporting the grandchild and babysitting full time and thats not right either. Can you pay for day care and have any money left. Should a baby be left with strangers instead of his mother?

The mother's attention needs to be with a baby so much and then some men get to feeling neglected and often have affairs. Most aren't mature enough to help with a baby. Be Wise!!! Get your education and Wait. You won't be sorry for waiting several more years.

Answer 9

Baby girl, first of all, I must give you my condolences for the loss of your precious little one. I experienced this as well and I know how difficult it can be.

Let your body, your heart and your spirit heal from this trauma before you start talking about another baby. You are just 16, and I know you are mature, however, you have the opportunity to make a life changing decision here. Take time and think of your future, not your boyfriend's version of your future. Consider what it is that is in your heart to do. Finish school, go to college and give yourself a solid foundation for your future. College can open your mind to so many new and wonderful things. Now I'm not saying kick your guy to the curb, I'm just saying not to let him determine what your future is. If you want to get married, that's fine, but enjoy a long engagement while you further your education.

Both of you will grow and mature exponentially over the next several years. You owe it to yourselves and each other to give one another the best of yourself. You can't do that if you haven't explored all your options and experienced all life has to offer. Slow down honey, you are young, beautiful and vibrant. You have your whole life ahead of you and plenty of time to get married. If your guy really loves you and has your best interest at heart, he'll put the marriage on pause, help you heal, and encourage you (and himself) to pursue higher education (which will broaden your horizons and give you more options).

Consider getting couseling to help you deal with the loss of your child. Give yourself more credit and a fair chance at life. You are certainly worth it. Be encouraged, things do get better. Grief and hurt can cloud your judgement so take your time baby girl. You will be so proud of yourself and exceedingly glad that you waited. Trust me, I had to learn the hard way. Just enjoy one another while you press toward your bright futures. If it's meant to be, then time will tell and true love will prevail. Keep your head up.

Answer 10

Before you have a child you should get past being one. A baby will not make you happy. A baby will consume your life, demand all your time and energy, leave you chronically exhausted. You won't be interested in sex with the boyfriend anymore, and he'll resent the baby for taking over first place in your life. And if all that turns out not to be true, you'll be guilty of neglect and the state will have to take the baby away.

You have no concept of the lifelong disaster you're courting. Spend a day in the back of a courtroom down at juvenile court and just listen. "There but for the grace of God...."