I don't know why she hates me, she doesn't really have any reason. For the last 4 years I've just smiled and nodded and put up with her snotty remarks and putdowns because, up until now, I really haven't given a sh*t what her opinion of me is. I figure it's time for me to give her something to b*tch about. For example, last week me and my hubby tried to make her think I was having an affair, but it didn't work. :O( Any suggestions on how to get her really riled up? - Keep in mind this woman has been HORRIBLE to me for 4 years, so PLEASE SPARE ME THE LECTURES on how I should respect her/be the bigger person/blahblahblah. She wants to talk about me, so I wanna give her something to talk about :O)
2006-10-28 18:52:28 · 30 answers · asked by marcia_mahoya 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You said no lectures- so here is the truth...... Check with the hubby first.... Have her walk in on you being Gang Banged by her husband and his friends..... I mean no disrespect!!!!! but, that will shock the b@tch to death or at least leave her jaw dropped open for years unable to utter another nasty comment to you.... Just a thought....... Peace...........
2006-10-28 19:01:18 · answer #1 · answered by Martini-69 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
1. At every possible opportunity, mention funeral planning. "So, Mom, what would you like to be wearing when you go into the afterlife?"
2. Wear very slutty clothing at her house.
3. Steal stuff from her house. Obtrusively. If she objects, say, "We'll get it when you die anyway."
4. Allude to how much she looked like the woman in that vintage XXX movie...wait, that thought might just be punishing you and your husband.
5. Hide a fish somewhere in her house.
6. Call her daily at 2 a.m. just to let her know you care.
7. Offer to dye her hair. Make it pink, purple, blue, green, or all of the above.
8. While having a nice family dinner around the dining table, pull off your shoes and start clipping the toenails. Extra bonus if you have corns to pick at.
9. Start taking your trash to her house, saying you don't see any reason you both should have to pay to have it hauled off. Be sure there are lots of used prophylactic devices near the top that she can perhaps see...
10. Next time you try to fool her about the affair, take it a step further and bring your "boyfriend" along to a family function. If feeling really bold, act pregnant and mention your plans to go fiind out who the father is next week.
2006-10-29 01:07:53 · answer #2 · answered by sunnydaygirl19 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a Monster in law like this. Sometimes you can't take the high road anymore.Totally ignore her.Don't answer the phone if she calls.If she wants to talk to you tell her you will call her back and don't.Do anything you can to avoid her.Play sick on holidays or make other plans that don't include her.Don't give her the satisfaction of trying to get at you.After awhile she will either stop or what to know what is matter.Why you don't want anything to do with her.If you have to go to a family thing and she's there.If you go,go the opposite way she does.She can't chase you around and if she does smile and walk away and keep doing it.Good Luck
2006-10-29 01:11:06 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offense to previous adviser, but that movie was "Monster-In-Law" and it WAS funny...but I think you'll need a little more than that! Hard to believe you'd make up a story about having an affair (that's a little weird) but if you really don't give a s--- about what her opinion is of you, than treat her like she does you. Nothing infuriates a mother-in-law worse though, when you play the "phony" loving daughter-in-law...IN FRONT of others! Try it that way...you may even start to enjoy yourself! Then give her a big smile and throw a kiss, but quickly turn your butt towards her and stick it out a bit....that'll **** her off! You Go Girl!!!
2006-10-29 01:03:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember this, kindness kills, and yeah talking about your sex life doesn't hurt any either, perhaps you could ask her if your husband inherited his huge *&^% from his father. Also, not letting the puttdowns get to you will help. Perhaps you could find things to knit pick at her about. Like the next time you see her you could tell her that your glad to see that she's finally eating right, casually mention to her that she's put on a few lbs. Or, if she is fat, you could start giving her dieting books as presents and tell her that it's just because your concerned about her health. Or, just constantly ask her if she's okay, tell her that she don't look so good. Mess with her head and nitpick right back, you go girl.
2006-10-29 01:04:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
On a slightly-goodie-two-shoes manner...
-Put a sticky note containing a message "I love my mom-in-law!!!" on everything she frequently uses (bedroom slippers, her favorite chair, etc.).
-Bake her a cake and decorate it with white icing, having written on a red icing the same message onto it.
But if you want it a bit wacky, try these:
-Sing her the song she hates the most. Sing it everytime you're doing something while she's around. That should drive her nuts.
-Pretend to be getting insane little by little... Hold a stuffed toy and talk to it in front of her. Yell at it as if it's a real person and scold it with all your voice. She will think as if you're gradually going crazy.
-Set up a fabricated welcome party for a guy friend (this is quite expensive and will require a lot of accomplices). Take your husband (who eventually is also an accomplice) and your mother-in-law with you to the party, and once things get quite smooth-running (your husband mingling with your friends, and your mom-in-law not so busy), ask the guy to talk to you within your in-law's sight, and start flirting with him. Your in-law should see it so that she could be aware of your practical joke.
I hope those abovementioned examples will help you on making your mom-in-law to have something to biatch about. ~woot! ^_^
I hope I satisfied your hunger for ideas regarding this one. Good Luck!
2006-10-29 01:36:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about a phrase, such as "I'll pray for you" or "I love you", .. something short but positive. Maybe even actually try to get that into your heart. Then only repeat that phrase in reply to whatever she says. When around her don't ever say anything to her but those words.
Keep doing that time and time again each time you see her-don't say anything else in response except that phrase.
It's not a good idea to just babble the phrase ahead of time, just use it in response to her. Talk to your wife and anyone else there as normal.
For your own sake forgive her, and pray for her.
2006-10-29 01:13:25 · answer #7 · answered by upcomingplayer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bake her chocolate cake or cookies and don't forget the laxitive.
If she calls your home, just hang up as soon as u know it's her.
When around her, make remarks like god you stink today! Gosh, did u bother brushing your teeth?
Tell her what a fat *** she has and how it get's in your way!
Try telling her how much you LOVE her!! She'lll hate that! LOL
if she shows up at your door, slam it in her face.
Think of all the bad she has done to you and do it back to her ten fold!!
2006-10-29 01:20:49 · answer #8 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get up in the morning and act like you have morning sickness, complain later in the day how you've been gaining weight..... Without saying anything to her straight out, allow her to believe that she might be a gramma.... Then let her know after she's good and excited that she's wrong! And could it be possible to have been just as wrong in regards to other things she's thought...
2006-10-29 01:21:46 · answer #9 · answered by MedicineWoman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should respect anyone who does not deserve it but at least do not stoop to her level. One of these days you may have children and then you may really have problems. I had a ex mother in law who always made snide remarks which made it seem like I thought I was better than other members of that family. When I had children she was not always kind to them. I told my ex husband that I did not care what she thought of me but that she would not hurt my kids. I stayed away from her and kept them away as often as possible. She never babysat for them.
2006-10-29 01:57:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋