My daughter, 17, was dating a guy for about a year. He was a nice kid with an alcoholic for a mom, an unemotionally detached, but financially stable step-dad, a neglectful biological dad, absent grandparents, druggie friends. I let him stay with us the second semester of their Junior year. The agreement was that he had to go to school, get a job and help out around the house. It did not happen. So he is back with mom and step-dad. He is back to drinking. And he has anger management issues. He still loves my daughter and won't get over her. Anyway, he shows up drunk and professing his love for my daughter. So, I took him home and on the way tried to talk some sense into him. A couple of hours later, his mom calls drunk, thanking me for bringing him home. This is so frustrating and emotionally draining. What do we do?
2006-10-28 18:49:38 · 5 answers · asked by cheerstoyou 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Please check out alanon.org and have your daughter check out alateen.org. Lots of information there on understanding and dealing with the fallout of this disease. His drinking is not your or your daughter's responsibility. You need to ensure your family's safety instead. Perhaps you should consider a restraining order against him and/or his mother. Talk to school counselors too in case he is bothering her at school. Your daughter has a right to feel safe and this kind of emotional blackmail can affect her grades, her self-esteem, etc. Best wishes to your family, she's lucky to have a mom that's there for her!
2006-10-29 02:46:13 · answer #1 · answered by mimiingermany 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not persuade an alcoholic that they need help! This is something that they must decide on their own.
If the drinking is just a habit coz mum drinks, then getting him out of that situation could help, but as you've tried that, the drinking must be his way of escaping from issues he doesn't want to face.
He has to face the issues and work through them. You can offer to support him, to be there when he needs some-one to talk to, in between proffessional help sessions.
Basically he has to find a good enough reason to want to stop drinking, this could be love, but I have my doupts whether he really loves your daughter enough to stop drinking for her. After all, he had a semester to try. If your daughter really has feelings for him, then perhaps she should be the one to suggest that the drinking stops, in order for the realationship to continue. But I'd advise you to be there when she tells him. Then you can offer your support IF he's willing to get help. But he has to say that he needs help first, or it won't work.
2006-10-29 06:28:31 · answer #2 · answered by swanlen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun,first off you cannot "convince" an alcoholic to get help,if they dont feel they have an alcohol problem.If he doesnt see a problem,he sees no reason to fix anything.To be harsh but realistic,there is nothing you can do.You must allow him to make those mistakes,because he isnt going to learn until he makes his own.Having a neglectful family,should make him want to better himself.If he wants to better himself,then you can help him.Until he wants to get help,you cant help him.I understand that it is very hard to sit by and watch him do this repeatedly,and knowing it is a mistake in your eyes,he doesnt see it as that.Try speaking to him when hes sobered up.Tell him how concerned for him you are,and that you want him to get help.If he gets help,and can abide by your rules,that he can come back and stay with you and your daughter.Until then,he must understand that what you are doing is best under the circumstances.Give him a chance to speak his mind as well.Give him someone he can talk to besides HIS "parents".Just make sure he knows you care about him,and that you want him to get help.Speaking to him drunk,he wont see a problem.More than likely he wont while sobered up,but honestly its worth a try.Good luck hun.Have a good day.
2006-10-29 07:12:24 · answer #3 · answered by ~♡~Moon Goddess~♡~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a possibility of His revival is there...try it...because Love Cures! but at the same time u cannot take a chance with your daughters life. I think u should give him an ultimatum either Love or drink.....if he can come back Good for everybody.
2006-10-29 06:17:13 · answer #4 · answered by Vijay God Loves U 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your daughter as far away from him as possible! Seriously he might have a good heart, but way too many issues to deal with...he could wind up sucking your daughter into his problems. Also, someone who has an alcohol or drug problem has to want to get help for it to work...you can't unfortunately "make him" do anything.
2006-10-29 01:19:24 · answer #5 · answered by kristina 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋