i love my 7 yr old son more than anything and will tell you i feel a great deal of guilt over divorcing his mom.when i left i gave them everything the house,car,bank accounts...i just took my clothes.i also pay child support and daycare costs. because of all this i have in the last 4 yrs ran into some debt(about 30k) My gf(were engaged) live together and split the household bills.i make more than she does but take home less because of child support she has no chilldren.she also has a large amount of money in the bank and i had asked her if she could help me out with my debt after all we are getting married soon and would like to be out of debt.long story short she said no and basicly said i should have thought about it before i gave my ex everything.i don't know what to think now.do you think she is selfish in not helping me out its not like a have a drug problem and ran into debt its all from me trying to do the right thing for my son.
2006-10-28 18:37:34 · 15 answers · asked by tommyboy5671 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't marry this woman. She will never understand about your child. She will try to come between you.
2006-10-28 18:40:22 · answer #1 · answered by Chloe 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your financial problems are yours really. She shouldn't have to bail you out of your ship just because you ran up a big sized debt. What you should do is curb your spending, pay child support and reduce costs where you can so that you can get out of debt. Don't take any loans from anywhere and slowly work off your debt. You shouldn't have left everything to your ex-wife and your son, money isn't what is best for them...you should have saved some for yourself. Your girlfriend is not being selfish, she's just being sensible which is what you should have been in the first place. Get help from a financial advisor, not from your girlfriend and just because you did what you felt was right for your son...it doesn't mean it was the right decision for you and her. Get married and sort out your own debt slowly, ask your ex-wife for some of your money back if you're in so much trouble, just don't hassle your fiancee.
2006-10-29 01:10:24 · answer #2 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the worst results can come from the best intentions. You have treated your ex-wife and your son well. But you also have to take care of yourself. I don't think you should have asked her to help you out of debt. That is her money and she has worked for it. She is not responsible for your financial situation and she never will be. I think you should aplogise and tell her you didn't mean to put that kind of pressure on her, and that you understand her reluctance to do that for you - it's above and beyond her role in your life to help you out of your debt.
Make sure she knows without any doubt that you consider your first obligation financially to be your son. This will become very important if you decide to have a child together. Discuss all financial matters in great detail before you go ahead and marry - make sure you are on the same page about it all. She will not want any future children of hers to be 'disadvatanged' financially because of your previous marriage, so make sure you discuss everything.
Good luck, and congratulations for sticking to your responsibilities - just don't try to ask anyone else to share that particular responsibility with you.
2006-10-29 01:43:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe she wouldn't help you out. I mean after all you two are to be married, right? Sounds to me that she doesn't have your best interest at heart. She is only thinking about herself. I say you should get rid of her and find someone who is willing to share everything with you. If she truely loved you, she wouldn't put the money first. I sure wouldn't want someone raising my children with that kind of an attitude. Think of what the future brings for you and your son. Dump her.
It also sounds like she is jealous of ex and your son. She holds some kind of a grudge against them, and she shouldn't. You sound like a great dad. Keep up the good work. Your son should always come first. Don't let this woman ruin your life or your sons life. Who is she to say something like that to you? "you should have thought about that before you gave everything to your ex". Your soon to be wife should support you in everything that you do.
Now, grow some balls and get rid of her.
2006-10-29 08:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by flwrgrl692001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a father of a 9month old and going through a divorce currently I have to say she is a uncaring scuzzball.If she had any true feelings for you she would make not only you but your son a part of her life with you.Your son is first on your list of priorities and for that I commend you and for the fact that she is truly being selfish and neglectful of her soon to be husband that should be throwing flags up with all the bells and whistles at this point I would tell her to either back you as your future spouse and step-child or she can hit the curb with all the other gutter trash.
2006-10-29 06:38:14 · answer #5 · answered by rsbalent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is right. Those who play must pay and I hope you do so if you ran around on your wife.
No, your girlfriend should not have to help you with child support. Get a second job like good men who lost their wives because the wife had an affair.
Do not deny the boy by not paying support or by having the support lowered, that will just lower you more.
2006-10-29 01:02:33 · answer #6 · answered by grannywinkie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are planning to marry anyway, why is she making such a big deal of it? She knows you have a commitment to paying child support. That is not going to change. She needs to learn to deal with it. You are a package deal. She has to accept all the aspects of your life. Why is she so upset about your divorce settlement? That had nothing to do with her. You did the right thing by not making the divorce a nasty battle. Talk to her and explain that you will soon be a legal couple and this needs to be worked out before you marry.
2006-10-29 01:42:33 · answer #7 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK I kind of agree with some answers about taking care of your dept and maybe not giving so much to your ex ,I think its great you care so much but you have a life too ,so many men do the wrong thing but you seem to have gone a little to far the other way.But I worry about the lake of sharing ! you are marring this woman but she doesn't want to be part of all your life? hey if it was the other way around I think you would help her .May be some kind of compromise would be good ,review child support but all so review this woman's commitment to you ,it seems a little lacking.
2006-10-29 01:35:13 · answer #8 · answered by stephanie n 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats on being a good father...there are limited numbers in this country. I applaud your efforts.
Truth is, your girlfriend/fiance should not be responsible for your family debt, unless she helped build it!
If your child(ren) are under the age of 18, you are in for a long time debt...this will not be the first...OR LAST!
If you are in debt because of your exwife...well it is time to talk to a lawyer who offers FREE consultations (look in your local phone book).
You will find a way to make things right! Good luck!
2006-10-29 01:57:14 · answer #9 · answered by Lovely 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for ya. I have found out that when it comes to money and women, women will always choose the money.
People divorce cause of debts. Yes, Im proud that you are doing the right thing by your son. But it has nothing to do with your fianc'e. She could have stated it nicer though. Your previous debts are yours as hers are hers.
2006-10-29 01:44:41 · answer #10 · answered by Tomy B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by your child and ex wife.That is what a real man does.If your new girlfriend can not see that your a good and decent guy by doing the right thing.She might not be the right one for you.It sure sounds like she is being selfish.That should be a warning to you for things to come.Good Luck!
2006-10-29 01:49:14 · answer #11 · answered by Lisa M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋