Question for kids...which would you find easier your parents staying together and being unhappy or divorcing?

Question

I am contemplating a divorce because I am in a very unhappy marriage. It is not abusive, just terribly empty. I want more for more life. Even if it is being without someone. I can't take being married to someone I do not love. But....I have children....I don't want to hurt them by seperating from their Dad. Of course both of us would still be in their lives. We both love them. But everyone says divorce is terrible on kids. So what do you think from your perspective as kids whose parents may be together and unhappy or who have chose to seperate?

Answer 1

ok i can definetly answer this...
i am 14 and my parents seperated when i was iin 5th grade and got divorced when i was in 7th.
and i definetly think it was the best thing possible at that point in time... everybody in our house was miserable bc all they did was fight... it brought me down, it brought my brother down, and it brought both of them down...
sometimes ppl get married, and they rly do love each other... but once u have a family and money becomes an issue and such it just becomes too much... which is why only the strongest of relationships actually make it nowadays...
and that is perfectly fine.
so yeah... if there is a lot of fighting going on i definetly think it is in the childrens best interest if u seperate or divorce... ur kids may be upset for a while... and i was too.
but they will eventually realize it was for the better.
bc hearing fighting all the time can be just as bad.

hope i helped.

-sarah-

Answer 2

I am going to offer the dual perspective of a kid whose parents have stayed together for fifty years now and are still unhappy together the vast majority of the time, and a recently remarried divorcee who had no choice but to divorce his first wife for cause.

Your children need to see what it is like for two adults to love each other and be in love, even when things are tough. They need to know that people get through the hard times and don't just give up. But they also need to know that no one is expected to be miserable in a relationship for their whole lives if nothing further can be done to save it.

If you cannot take being married to someone you do not love, you have only two choices -- but both begin with taking the time to find within yourself what the true reason for your unhappiness is. If the burden of the relationship is insurmountable, then one or both of you have in some way already left, never to return. If this is the case, where you or your husband lives is simply geography in terms of the emotional reality your children are facing.

If not -- if both of you are still there with similar hopes and dreams for your family but not fully engaged, then there is further work to do and you need to find your way back to being in love with your husband. It may involve counseling, even separation, but most likely what you need most is to have good experiences that re-awaken the good things that started off your relationship at about a 4:1 ratio to any negative or dull experiences.

I can't tell you which choice to make. But you need to make the choice, and not just sit in the shadowlands thinking about it.

Answer 3

As an adult whose parents divorced when I was a teenager, I can tell you that I was happier after my dad left. He was really awful to my mom, they argued a lot, and he was verbally abusive to all of his kids, and sometimes physically abusive with his sons. (My mom had to threaten to call the police to get him to back off.)
If you are really unhappy, your kids know it already. My mother was so much happier after the divorce that even though we had very little money--my dad refused to pay child support--we were still much better off.
Self-respect and a happy, calm home life are more important than having two parents living under the same roof who don't want to be together. You only have one life--don't waste it on a man who doesn't care enought about you, please!

Answer 4

As an older teenager who still lives at home with parents, my best advice is to work for your marriage, not just stay together or simply split apart. Go to marriage counseling and put in the effort and hard work required to save your relationship. It certainly won't be easy, but not only will your children have the innumerable benefits of a healthy family that's together, so will you.

Answer 5

A meaning of a family is...being made of each other..how can something separate from what it was created from. Your family should always be strong no matter what. a family is the only thing that would actually want the best of you in life at the end....if you give up on your marriage...I think you'll set bad example on your kids because your showing them that giving up is the answer to everything..however i don't know your situation like you do...giving up is the easy way out....but working with the issues and solving the problems will make you and your family feel stronger....remember if it dosent kill you, it makes you stronger....and also.. are you divorcing your husband for your own benefit in life...for once think not about yourself and your husband. Think about your children's and look at them... what do you both see...think about your children....what will keep them happy for the rest of their lifetime..good luck and the best with your marriage and your kids

Answer 6

I'm not a kid, nearly 30 now, but I was a kid with parents in a similar situation. I have mixed feelings as an adult now. In many ways I feel my mother should have left because she may have been happier. She should have left because it would have taught her daughters not to put up with Sh@t and it would have taught her sons to have more respect for women. By her staying, I am happy that my family is still intact. I know that despite all the tough times my parents love withstood it. I know that we are a strong family unit today. As a daughter, I will tell you that divorce will disrupt your children's lives, but so does your unhappiness. As a mother who has been in a similar situation myself, I will tell you that I feel guilty for not giving my children a complete nuclear family including their father. But I am proud I am showing my daughters to be strong and independent. As a woman, I will tell you to do what sets right in your heart and to pray about it. Good luck.

Answer 7

My parents are divorced and personally like it better. They got divorced when I was six months old...and as a kid i used to hate it cuz it wasn't the "cool thing," but when I see my parents together on the rare occassion they still argue a lot. And having them divorce at six months, i now came to the realization that I could never see them together...it would be too confusing and over dramatized...but please try to work this out before you take any drastic actions!!!

Answer 8

I am 12 years old, and i think i would want my parents to get divorced, as long as they are happy, and ill be able to see both of them. Its better to live with 1 happy parent than 2 unhappy parents.

Answer 9

When it comes down to it your children you to be happy.
It is never good for children to see their parents not happy. It is damaging to them and in some cases start to blame themselves for the unhappy feelings around the house. Divorce is a scary thing many times to venture off into and you need to be happy. because when you are happy your children will see that and it will be the most rewarding to them.

Answer 10

i cant say what it is like for children of divorce.
but i can tell you my experience with parents who stay together but are not happy.
my mother constantly made comments about being unhappy in the marriage. she always complained about him, never showed him any affection. my dad is a good man and did everything he could to make her happy. nothing worked, still hasnt to this day. they argued all the time. there was always tension. and perhaps the worst of it, she always made me feel like i had to decide between her, or my dad. there was no loving them both. and since my mother was such a drama queen, i usually ended up siding with her to avoid all the whining and bitching she would otherwise throw my way. because of this, i missed out on one of the most wonderful relationships of my life. little girls are supposed to have wonderful memories of times with their dads. my memories consist of my dad wanting a hug and me pushing him away to make my mother happy, my dad saying i love you and me saying nothing because i dont want to upset my mom. geez, i need counseling, i'm about to cry.
anyway, enough babbling. if you are unhappy, please get out. you want to show your children what real love is all about. you also want to show them that women can be independent and stand on their own two feet.
this is just my experience with people who stay together and are not happy.
hope it helps.