personal statement#2 for college (UC schools)? Tell us about a talent, you will bring to the university of cal

Question

As a student going to a UC school, I will bring with me what I have which are my talents. I feel I am talented by achieving good grades, good leadership, and by participating in many activities in the school and outside. I challenged myself in every subject and have maintained a B or higher in my grades. I have leadership skills for being president of 2 clubs, the French Club and the European Club. I had a position to promote culture through various ways like books, pictures, magazines, articles, and more which kept students learning about the different cultures. Outside of school, I take private lessons for tennis and piano and performed them as a daily activity. Since I was in the jazz band, I had to practice the piano everyday after school to be able to keep up with the band and to prepare for the concerts. I have performed 50 hours of community service through several organizations and volunteered at least 137 hours as a teacher's aide and in a program to help a French school.

Answer 1

I'm going to guess that English isn't your first language? The grammar in your statement is very choppy and unnatural.

I think you need to re-read the question. It asks you to discuss A talent, not every talent. I think you should consider writing a new statement that has a more narrow focus. Talk about one skill that you have and then discuss how it will help you as a university student and how you will use that skill to benefit the university.

I don't think this statement is of the standard that universities look for.

Answer 2

Concentrate on one single quality and elaborate. A few ideas you presented into there could be combined into a cohesive statement that would impress the admissions personnel.

Ideas would be how this talent help you pick your major? Who was your role model when you developed the talent? For example, you could combine both the French and European clubs together into a wonderful personal statement that could give a nice insight into you. Also an idea is to mention on how it influenced your music or playing style.

And before submitting any application essay or statement, please have someone proofread it and present suggestions. Most times, before I send an important document, I approach friends and family to see if I am getting my point across the way I intended to for my audience.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I dont like it. it sucks. im being honest with you here and you should be glad im telling you this.

first of all...you state numerous times what you do such as achieving good grades and good leadership but dont explain how or why. Get that taken care of first.

Also, you gloat about the clubs and activities you do but in the wrong manner. be proud, dont just list the items off. Explain what you have learned from your experiences. You mention numerous hours of service...explain what you learned, and what you hope to achieve.

keep in mind they receive thousands of applicants a year...so ask yourself...."Why Me? What Makes Me Better Than The Rest?"

Answer tose 2 questions and i promise you that you will be accepted.

Also, a personal tip....try to up your vocabulary and use better words. get a thesaurus out. be diferent but be yourself.

Name your insparational jazz player. show them you've got soul and that you'll bring it to their school...dont just fall into the crowd.

***Make sure you have at least 2 english teachers you know review what you write b4 sending it in.

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According to what you wrote here I would not accept you. Sorry but im tough. As im going to be attending USC in Fall of 2007 I know that USC wants to see the real me. It can be tough provided that all I get to send them is my words but look at it as a great thing and pour your heart out...

You obviously took the time to apply to this school and im sure that it would be incredible if you get accepted. Imagine the day when you get that letter in the mail and it says you're in? Well, show them your true passion and they will gladly accept you.

I PROMISE YOU IF YOU DO WHAT I TELL YOU, THEY WILL ACCEPT YOU.

Answer 4

no dont do that. ur just using a shopping list. use the one u can write most about and just focus on that one. cuz for ucs, u dont have that much space to write a big essay. and u gotta be thorough in ur topic. so if u have a lotta topics, its not considered a very good essay. got it? im working on mine too...wanna go to ucla, ucsd, ucb, or uci....wat about u? hah, maybe we can meet there someday...

Answer 5

For me, it's all about the bj.
Being jolly.

Answer 6

your beautiful!/handsome! way cool