My dad's hazel eyes gleamed in the dim light, his bony body shaked with anticipation, his teeth grinded loudly. He repeated his words that he has got something to tell. I knew it was a promotion to his iggnorant job.
2006-10-28 17:37:37 · 15 answers · asked by Anthony 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
This is a fiction describing short story.
2006-10-28 17:40:15 · update #1
very detailed, I get a great visual of a shaky skinny elderly man and I get the pain in my jaw of the description of grinding teeth. Well written.
2006-10-28 17:44:19 · answer #1 · answered by *Amanda* 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Doesnt sound to catchy. I wouldnt use the word iggnorant. Maybe petty or insensitive.
2006-10-28 17:43:13 · answer #2 · answered by valerie v 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
pretty good description, it sparks the readers sense of curiousity and sets the atmosphere if this is an actual story.
2006-10-28 17:40:54 · answer #3 · answered by sugar n' spice 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He probably got fired
2006-10-28 17:40:41 · answer #4 · answered by babygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this like a story your writing?
2006-10-28 17:39:34 · answer #5 · answered by L 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Needs work
2006-10-28 17:50:31 · answer #6 · answered by PAMELA G 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think of an ungrateful child.
2006-10-28 17:39:18 · answer #7 · answered by Hilllbilly_gal 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you just read the first two sentences, it sounds like your dad was about to have sex with you.
Is that what you intended?
2006-10-28 17:40:10 · answer #8 · answered by stevejensen 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋
to be honest, it freaks me out a little
2006-10-28 17:48:19 · answer #9 · answered by rainjrop 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Huh?
2006-10-28 17:39:34 · answer #10 · answered by Arts 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋