how do you end a marriage without hurting the children?

Answer 1

tell them "daddy just moved to a different place" and pretend that you guys are together for the kids. There for your not hurting the kids. I wish my mom and dad did that. My dad just up and left when I was freakin 7, and now I hate all my moms boyfriends and my step father. They're all DEAD to me.


†heaven/hell¥

Answer 2

Honey, this question sort of depends on their age. In working in this industry (social work), I can honestly tell you that in some way shape or form, the children are going to be hurt. No child wants to see their family break apart. However, this doesnt' mean they aren't going to adjust, nor does it mean it's not going to work. I've seen alot of divorce cases and the best ones I've witnessed that involve children, are when the parents set aside their differences and stick to their parenting plan. You could hate the ex till there is no end, but when it comes time to exchange visitation, you are going to put that smile on your face and tell the children to have a good time. When they ask questions (and they will) keep the answers simple enough for them to understand. Don't say mean things about the other parent, don't put that other parent down in any way and don't place blame (no matter how well deserved it may be). Save those comments for your friends, if you need to vent. Kids are smarter than most adults give them credit for. But if you and your soon to be ex put their needs before your own and ALWAYS act in their best interest, you are going to do just fine and so will the children. From what I've learned and witnessed, is that when spouses maintain the "parenting" aspect of their relationship, it becomes the children's stability as if the two of you were still together. But it is imperative you and the ex are always on the same page. Because if you are not, that is when the problems begin. Many children go through your situation honey, and most of them come out fine in the long run. If you don't wish for the children to be hurt, take my advice. It will help them adjust and know that even though mom and dad can't get along, that mom and dad are still the same parents who love them.

I wish you luck and lots of patience....this is one of those things that is easier said than done.....just keep in mind IT CAN BE DONE!

Answer 3

When I was 14 my mom showed up late (my dad didn't know where she was...my first clue something was wrong) and told my dad she was leaving him for someone else. None of us had any clue my mom was feeling this way; I think that was what was most devastating. A few weeks later, after my dad had moved out, my mom moved her new bf in.
Don't do this! Be honest and open with your kids; explain what's going on. Only you can judge how honest and open (depending on age, etc). Don't try and reintroduce another partner into their life right away. Even if you have someone and are anxious for them to meet him, kids can't really handle that kind of stuff. They don't have the resources from life experiences yet.
Kids will always be hurt to some degree by divorce, but if you and your ex can handle it like civil adults (at least around them) then you have a better chance of your kids adjusting. Plus, probably most of their friends at school have divorced parents, so they won't feel different and will have peers to talk to about it.
I hope it all goes well for you.

Answer 4

if you remain in an unhealthy, toxic relationship you may be hurting the children even more than a divorce would. you might not even know how much of the hurt and suffering your children are witnessing. after the divorce there will be weights off of you that were affecting you during the marriage. your children see this and they are affected by it.
the divorce can never be painless but the resulting relationship may provide for your family a more stable environment that will encourage positive growth and nuturing.

Answer 5

You can't...either way, your children will be hurt. Ending a marriage with divorce or staying together without love will hurt your children.

Answer 6

depends on how old the childrens are. Sit down and explain it to them. You two may know work out as a parent but you both can get great parents. Give the children some time to understand and cope with the divorce. This may be hard but try to be friends with your ex partner will be a good start.

Answer 7

First, realize the children will already know 'something is going on.'

They know the marriage has problems and if they are adolescents or older, they probably realize you will be separated and/or divorced sooner than later.

But realize that how both of you treat each other will be seen under a magnifying glass by your children. Every word you say, and your behavior to each other will be heard and watched, and remembered long after it happens. So it is incumbent that you show every modicum of respect to your spouse, no matter how difficult, or angry or emotional the situation. Your children will shape their feelings towards you based on you treat your spouse, now, during the pre-divorce months, and after you are divorced.

Civility and respect towards each other will pay huge dividends in how your children regard you and your partner.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Most important things to tell kids during divorce:

1- This is not your fault
2- We both love you and we will always love you
3- You will continue to see both of us even if one of us lives in a different house
4- Both parents are good people, but sometimes there are simply problems that can't be resolved
5- This is not your fault

Kids always blame themselves in a divorce because kids are made by nature to be self-centered - it's how they survive infancy. Organize regular time to be spent with the leaving parent at once and try to make it as regular as clockwork. Never, ever, say anything bad about the other parent - it will hurt your children for years to hear you badmouth the other parent, and they won't forget. Always try to appear calm, reasonably cheerful, and in control of things in front of your kids - they are confused and frightened, and they need to feel that you are not. Don't hide things from them but also don't give them information they don't need to know - don't burden them with adult knowledge, but don't keep them in the dark about what they see happening around them.
Good luck.

Answer 9

Be cordial to each other and never say anything bad about each other to the kids. It will hurt the kids most to "stay married for the sake of the children." That's what my parents did. I always felt like I was standing in the way of them splittng up and being happy.

Answer 10

Not possible. Divorce hurts kids no matter how you handle ending the marriage.