My husband and I have decided to seperate, are we doing the right thing?

Question

We've been 2gether almost 9 years.We have no kids together but I have a 14yr son.The last few yrs have been a real strain due to my sons behavior.I've sort every kind support and help possible & it's paid off.My husband resents the luv I have for my son.He is very petti towards him and it drives me insane,he will ruin a lovely evening by picking over the most rediculus thing.A few mths ago we admitted to each other that we weren't happy and told each other why.During that discussion my husband told me he had been thinking about leaving because he didn't want my son to have his name anymore,he was embarrassed by him and his behaviour.Anyway we decided to try and work through things.Two weeks ago I admitted to my husband I'm not happy and am not in love with him anymore.We agreed to end it that day.
In saying all of the above,I'd like to add that my husband has always been good to me and treated me well.He just won't make any decisions and leaves EVERYTHING upto me to sort out.

Answer 1

Well, this is a tough on. But it doesn't sound like your husband has accepted your son and this is what is causing the problem in your marriage. As a mother, you want to protect your son from any hurt if possible. That's what us mothers do. I think you have no choice but to separate. You love your son but your husband does not. There is no way this marriage can work. This would break my heart if my husband said he was embarrassed by my son and didn't want him to have his name anymore. That were hurt beyond belief. Sorry, but I think it's time to let go and move on.

Answer 2

Don't give up! I hate to tell you this, but most marriages break up during the teenage years. Kids are hellions during this time and puts stress on parents.

The worst part is that you and your husband allowed your son ruin a wonderful relationship. I believe you need to get some family and marital counseling quickly.

Marriages in our country are mostly failures, as everyone knows. But when the problem is very obvious and neither wants to solve the problem, it's sad. The marriage should not be dissolved. You son may or may not be consciously aware of the affect he has on you and your husband.

I do want to ask you one question. You say that you do not love your husband any longer and that he always has been good to you.
What about your son? Do you still love him? Of course you do. It's unconditional love. Just as your marriage should be.

Good Luck to you and your husband.

Answer 3

Do you think your husband is truly unhappy because he resents the love you have for your son? Is there perhaps a deeper underlying reason? If it is just your son's behavior, teens will be teens. You've probably already asked your husband what really bothered him about your son's behavior and asked if he had any suggestions about what he would do differently as a parent?

Having said that, if you are both unhappy, have already tried seeking couselling, and can not work out your differences, then staying together will likely just keep you unhappy. Take some time for yourself, consider everything, and follow your own heart.

Answer 4

If your son is from another relationship, you are the one who should be making the decisions for him not you husband. He's there to support you and carry out your instructions on how to raise you son. He's not the kids father. That could be why your son has been having problems. He's jealous of you marriage and now that you 2 are ending it. Your son's won. Don't get date anyone until your son is out of the house. No man will want to be around a kid who will always act out.

Answer 5

Your son will always be your son no matter what and you need to continue to be there for him, as it sounds like you have been. You have already said that you are not in love with your husband anymore and he is embarrased by your son. It sure sounds to me like you are doing the right thing.

Answer 6

If the seperate checking account is working for you at the instant, then i might follow it. in case you pick as a pair to get a joint account, do it slowly. Open a joint account, yet save your seperate ones for a whilst. Then slowly initiate transferring issues into the joint.

Answer 7

children do many things that parents feel unhappy..but as parents, it's your job to lead them to the right path. as your husband is concerned, he should have more patience in raising kids and you are the only person to make him understand the matter properly. also, your son needs a good talk with a good counsellor who might tell him to respect parents and do things as parebts wish which only does good to him. don't mess life, think calm and do the right. you only live once. have a good day.

Answer 8

I think that you both should seperate and this might either bring you two back together or find out that you are not meant for each other. if he dislike your son that much nothing will help your marriage and you should get divorced, you said you do not love him anymore and it seems that he does not care for you either.

Answer 9

No one deserves to be unhappy. Listen to YOUR inner voice, trust your gut. Your husband's attitude towards your son - whom he has been a father to since your son was 5, for crissakes - is atrocious and heartless, IMO. I would say - move on. It's time.

Answer 10

my ex was not kind to my children either, picking on them, falt finding, his children by a previous marriage could do no wrong, after many years of argueing over kids, and never able to reslove anything, he left me for another woman. issues with kids never seems to get resolved. the reason is jelousy. we sort of loose respect for then after awhile and communication stops. maybe a trial separation where both of you could decide if it is better to live apart than with.