She's 3 months old now and I've been strictly bf'ing her. Now it's time for me to go back to work. The problem is that she wants mommy mommy mommy ALL THE TIME. I'm not complaining though. I am constantly in close contact with her, whether it's feeding time, reading time, play time, tummy time, etc. The problem is I can't leave her with anyone else or she'll cry her guts out, no one can seem to calm her down until I take her away from them. We've done dry runs already with her caregiver just so she can get some exposure before I start working but she just absolutely dislikes it. Even her own daddy cant get her to calm down. I'm running out of ideas, I don't know what else to do. Did I get her too used to being held by me? Probably so, but anyone else have this situation?
2006-10-28 17:12:39 · 9 answers · asked by Nickname 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
ooh yea we live in San Diego, just bought a new house last year... I need to go back to work. I tried convincing my hubby that I'm just going to stay home until she's at least 1 he was a little hesitant and then said he'll think about it. That means we'll have another 9 months to go living off one income. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter and enjoy being in constant and I mean constant touch with her. But I need to figure out what we can do to get her used to not hanging on mommy anymore (literally, thanks to baby bjorn). We did start her with her caregiver about 2 horus a day she does ok. but not the greatest once shes wide awake and alert and notices this isn't mommy's boobs (her pillows) lol
2006-10-28 17:24:59 · update #1
I have worked as a caregiver for infants 13 years now and I am also a mommy, I completely understand what you are going through and it is extremely hard. Some babies adjust very easily to child care and some take a couple of weeks...All I can tell you is to bring her favorite things like pacifier, blankets washed in the detergent she is used to, crib sheet that's hers, a special small stuffed animal to keep her company in her crib and if you wear perfume..spritz a tiny amount on a burp cloth so that she has your smell with her all day. It will also help if you write a detailed note to her caregiver stating her likes, dislikes, needs, methods that work well for her...etc. I won't lie to you, it will be very hard for the first few weeks to leave her...but after you both go through that adjustment period and you build that level of trust with her caregiver...it will become so much easier. I wish you tons of luck!!
2006-10-28 17:23:08 · answer #1 · answered by **KELLEY** 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on creating a successful breastfeeding relationship with your daughter.
Some little ones are more clingy than others and it can be a challenge. Some things that I know have worked for others, your mileage might vary. Get some old soft tshirts and wear them for a while to get your scent on them. Take these with her to the caregiver. Your scent may be enough to comfort her. Start with really short runs 15 minutes, maybe you can drive and get a latte or something and come right back, to ease her into new surroundings and people. An audio tape of you talking to her, might be soothing, especially coupled with your smell.
Perhaps having the caregiver (assuming not a daycare type situation) come over and meet your daughter in her own safety space would help.
If you can, I know every situation is different, ease into the return to work. A few hours a day for a week or so, until you've weaned her into a full-day.
You might also want to be prepared for doing *nothing* except holding her and feeding her when you get home from work. My 2nd was like that and I literally nursed from 5:30 when I got home straight through until 10:00pm and then again at 2:am, etc.
It's extremely hard work and if you have an option to stay home, I'd certainly vote that way for a few more months. 3 months is a hard stage because now they *know* the difference between you and someone else...and they really, really like you.
Good luck!
2006-10-29 00:23:59 · answer #2 · answered by DJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you leave your baby with daddy, caregiver or someone else, you must actually LEAVE the room. Don't stand there and see how she is going to react. She can still smell you even if you are not holding her, especially if you are still breastfeeding her. You should actually leave the house for at least a half hour or so. When daddy or caregiver are holding her, they shoud try to sing softly or hum - a monotomous hum - to get her to calm down. She may have to go through these crying jags until she gets used to you not always being around. Do not come back into the room just because she is still crying. For your daughter's sake (as well as yours), she has to get used to being without you for certain periods of time. If she really is inconsolable, have a burp cloth, blanket, etc. with your scent on it that she can keep close to her, even when another caregiver is holding her. My second child wanted mommy all the time, although not to the extent that your daughter is demanding. But it sounds to me like you are not giving her a chance to be without you for too long. Try leaving the house once you have turned her over to daddy or other and see how that works out. Be strong and good luck!
2006-10-29 00:33:31 · answer #3 · answered by daisy243 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I work in a child care facility and we recently began care for an infant whose mother decided we would wean the child. I work in the administrative offices, so I am not in constant contact with this child, but I know it has been difficult on everyone involved. We know littlemiss just wants to nurse, but sometimes the mother doesn't pump and just brings in a can of formula. Sometimes she does, and is constantly bringing in different types of bottles and nipples.
So, based on my experience (I nursed two babies, so that figures into my answer as well), I would just like to offer the following suggestions:
1) Decide BEFORE you go back to work if you will be completely weaning babygirl(!) or if you will be pumping and taking bottles to her caregiver during the day and nursing in the evenings. Some people are able to supplement with formula, which is another option.
2) It is good that you are already familiarizing your daughter with her caregiver. If at all possible, start taking her to the caregiver 10 to 30 minutes prior to feeding time. It is to be expected that your daughter will cry when you leave. If she cries for 10 minutes or so, and then realizes she is hungry, she may be more inclined to take the bottle. When she becomes "conditioned" to this scenario, she will trust her caregiver to feed and calm her and will be more likely to ease into the placement.
3) Don't give in to the guilt and plan your life around "meal delivery". Don't rush out on your lunchbreak three times a week to nurse your daughter. That is, unless you are going to be willing to do it EVERY SINGLE TIME! Allowing your daughter to trust her care giver will create a bond (not as strong as yours of course!) but a necessary bond, nonetheless.
4) Keep in mind that your daughter will not want to take a bottle from you. Why would she? :o) My neverending recommendation is AVENT for bottles. You can start with an infant nipple and progress to nipples designed for faster flow once she is a bit older.
It is not easy to separate and go back to work, but in so many cases it is absolutely necessary. It can be a good transition, if you plan ahead and stick to your plan. Don't second guess yourself.
Best wishes!
2006-10-29 00:35:12 · answer #4 · answered by sendmedaisies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is your choice, get her used to a bottle for her caregiver you can breast feed when at home & let her get adjuted to life w/o mommy it may take a week or so & much longer for her to be happy with situation. Or sit down & figure out if you can swing the bills & stay at home (maybe start ebaying your babies old clothes to provide money for new ones) and cut back on cable , phone etc. It is very hard I tried going back to work & could not do it I now stay at home w/ my 2 liitle one (3rd on the way) it has been 4 years & I love it. And god has provided for us
2006-10-29 00:23:11 · answer #5 · answered by notAminiVANmama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she scream constantly? Usually they will be fine after a few minutes. My son does this to me. I work graveyards so I try to get him to bed before I leave, but if he is still awake he will cry and cry, but in a few minutes he is fine and playing with his toys. You need to leave the house and leave her with the caregiver completely. If she knows that you are still in the house she will not want to go to anyone else.
2006-10-29 00:22:37 · answer #6 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My little one did that also. You just have to get her used to being with someone else before you start working again. Let her spend some time with whoever is going to stay with and let them try playing with them. Also try having some toys that she likes to play with to keep her occupied. She did get used to being with mommy and it will just take some time for her to get used to being with someone else. I know it is hard.
2006-10-29 00:18:09 · answer #7 · answered by BrandyB 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's your baby, she's supposed to be too close to you. It's a beautiful thing. Do you have to go back to work. I was in your situation and I decided not to go back to work. I stayed with both of my kids until they were in school and i've never regretted it. Moms are the best caregivers if your family can afford it.
2006-10-29 00:16:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
there are lots of answers to this but i feel you should spend more time with her let her cry out for a few minutes when she isn't with you(in another room) then little by little she'll realize your not going to be there with her all the time she may not understand now but trust me she'll thank you later but if your family can live in one income then spend tim with her and follow the procedure
2006-10-29 00:42:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋