I need help ... verbally abusive husband.?

Question

My husband verbally abuses me, and we have 3 kids. 2 girls (14,12) and son (5). The girls are kinda on his side, but my son doesn't know what to do. It upsets my kids to hear him yell at me, and no matter what I do everything is my fault.

Sleepless in Olympia

Answer 1

How would you like us to help you? Our advice is going to be to leave.

Answer 2

I KNOW what that's like!!!!!!!!
verbal abuse can be just as bad, IF NOT WORSE than physical abuse-------- It's ALL Abuse! Don't put up with it!! The guy doesn't have any right to treat you this way!!!!
What's his problem, anyway? Why verbal abuse toward you?????

I'm telling you FIRST HAND, this is bad for the kids! If your Husband has a problem with something concerning you, he can walk with you outside and out of "ear shot" of the kids.
That's what he needs to do, BUT, he doesn't need to treat you bad either! No excuse!

Well, that's how the verbally-abusive man is when he yells, everything is everybody else's fault, NEVER HIS own!!!!!

What you should do is stop taking it, because he's gonna cause you to walk out on him without a word soon!
Trying to talk to a enraged person doesn't do any good, HE needs help or he will lose you and the kids! They will resent him, I KNOW about this!!!!!!!

You're getting belittled and it hurts!
And, your Husband isn't being a good father when he doesn't treat you with respect, and he is influencing the kid's young minds that this is the way men should act.!!! He's ruining their lives!

I left my First husband over verbal abuse, coz I lost feelings and respect for him! You just don't get anywhere staying with someone like that!


Tell him to get help or you're getting a Lawyer!!!

Answer 3

wow you're in a tough situation.. i have never experienced what you're feeling... but can i still answer?

first off, do you do anything to stop him from being verbally abusive? do yu guys have 'fights' or is it him just shouting at you? i have a feeling it's he latter, so i'll say that first (if you havent done so already) ...talk to him seriously and ask him to stop, that you guys have kids and your kids probably don't like to see their dad yelling at their mom, and if he can't understand that, you don't know what to do.

if that doesnt work and he says he isnt doing what he IS doing, or he agrees but continues to verbally abuse you.. think. i know this sounds pretty stupid, but i think i know what i'm saying... think.. do you really love your husband? are you willing to live with him for the rest of your life? is he really 'right' for you? are your kids going to thrive in the situation your family is in? act based on your decision. if you feel you DO love him, you CAN survive with him... then hold your head high, and the next time he yells at you, talk calmly back to him and maintain your cool so that he does too. If you don't think you can... well, it's a pretty tough decision to make, but everyone deserves to be happy. you can decide to live somewhere else... taking your kids or not is your choice. or... if this is what you really think is best for you, you can get a divorce... a very hard decision, but sometimes necessary.

think seriously before you do anything...
but also know one thing: this verbal abuse might grow into something that could be dangerous and/or destructive to your family, and especially, you.
so if there's one thing you should know, it's to act quickly.
hope this helps...

Answer 4

This si something I would try to keep in mind. What your son is witnessing in his father, is teaching him how to treat women later in life. What your daughters are witnessing is teaching them how to expect to be treated. If you do not like that idea, that alone is a reason to put a stop to it. They are kidsm and it is your job to look out for them and have the foresight to protect them from being damaged by what is happening now. If you feel like you want to work it out, you have to see a therapist or someone at church- anyone that can help you and your husband find a way to communicate constructively and in a way that will be positive for the kids. Most likely your husband learned this behavior and somehow he has to learn that it is not ok. You telling him won't be enough. Look for help- and gain strength in your decision to protect your kids. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Well I believe your girls side with him because it is a proven fact that daughters and mothers have the hardest relationships. For some reason they have some for of pyscological jealousy, but I wouldn't sweat that. It takes two to argue! So next time don't do anything to provoke him to say things. I would also suggest finding a good Christian counselor that can help restore your marriage. If worse comes to worse, walk out on arguements so that they don't get blown out of proportion. Be the bigger person.

Answer 6

My husband does that to me. In fact, every other day whenever he has a bad day at the office. I have been taking his s*&^ for 10 years now. It eventually drove me to another man. But for the sake of my children, i stayed on with him and is still taking his S*&&^. I left my lover and am all alone now but i am not as depressed or affected as i was before because I believe what goes around comes around. One day, he will get his punishment and i will be around to see it. God works in funny ways.Thinking about the kids and the rewards i reap later makes me stronger. His abuses strengthened me rather than weaken me because i know i will be able to withstand any kind of stress after this. Just tell yourself, he's not worth the stress, he's not getting away with it, his punishment will come sooner or later, he's not worth getting angry over, not worth wasting your time and energy to worry about. So, save your positivity, your energy and channel all of it into your children. Your girls might not see it now but they will eventually grow up and understand. I know it is not healthy for the kids, i have two of my own. My son at 8 can understand that daddy is wrong and he understands when i tell him that he should not yell at a woman no matter what. So, it's up to you to educate them and make them see the light. You will not regret it. Good luck and my thoughts are with you. You are not alone!

Answer 7

What you're in is strictly what you're describing, an abusive dating. think of approximately this- in case you do no longer go away him he could start to abuse your toddler. i'm particular there's a reason the different youthful lady located a restraining order against him. this could heavily be utilized in courtroom if he replaced into ever so ambitious sufficient to take you. seems this coward dominates and tries to regulate females yet with a guy, i ask your self whether he may be so ambitious. remember to seek for a relatives abuse counselor and shield to take you in and guard you from him till you will get issues located like a job and place to stay. the final factor with reference to the shield is while he starts off to look for you, in basic terms those you have stated as or understand your plan will understand the place you're. it is maximum mandatory which you tell no person for the period of the 1st week or so once you go away him. he will annoy and insect them till they tell and is waiting for you to run on your loved ones's homestead so stay a procedures removed from them. The relatives abuse shield for females will artwork with the police to guard you and your toddler from him. they'll understand in strengthen if he tries to record a lacking man or woman record or comes searching for you legally. the faster you go away, the greater efficient issues would be for you. go away ultimate of luck.

Answer 8

remember your kids come first either this guy should go into anger management classes or you should run . your girls will think it is OK for their husbands to yell and what ever to them u don't want that and your son will probably do the same to his wife. do u want them to live the way u do ? and there should be no reason that your husband yells at u this much . be strong and do what u think is best for your children good luck

Answer 9

If I were a woman I'd leave his sorry @ss. Nobody should be abused in any way. Think about your kids too, having to see & hear their dad treat their mom like crap. Do you want your son to grow up & treat women the way you're being treated? Do you want your daughters to think that's how a guy's supposed to treat his wife? Think about how much good will come out of leaving this idiot.

Answer 10

u just need to leave his *** !!!!!!!!!! u have kids and yourself to think about. if he loves u he wouldn't be so verbally abusive. if he is abusive, u know whats gonna come next. he is gonna end up beating u, that's what. and u shouldn't stick around for none of that. u need to seek out some help and advice from a counsel or something. good luck

Answer 11

Stop allowing this man to verbally abuse you. The two of you desperately need family therapy but in the meanwhile you need to stand up for yourself and tell him to stop his cruel behavior immediately. If he doesn't put an end to this, and if therapy does not produce some positive changes you may need to file for divorce.

You are letting this man destroy your life and set a very destructive example to your children. Stop it, NOW!!!