My boyfriend was in a car accident on his way to see me...he lived only a few short after the accident. His friends and family is blaming me that if he hadnt been on his way to see me he would still be alive. And now is friends think that I should be in his place "six feet under" and they are finding it necessary to beat me up constantly. I feel like I deserve this punishment but others dont think that I do. I wasnt even able to attend the funeral because his family is blaming me for his death. I dont know what to do and I dont know how to handle this. I would really appreciate some advice. Any kind would help. THANKS GUYS!
2006-10-28 15:51:12 · 34 answers · asked by Sondra 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
again i didn't take the time to read, but no its not ur fault.
2006-10-28 15:54:19 · answer #1 · answered by coolpotatoeslive 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh, of course not. I really think that it is wrong that everyone is blaming you b/c it wasn't your fault, it either was your bf's fault or the other person he got into the accident with. Accidents are accidents and it was a mere mistake. Just relax, everything will be okay. I know that a loss is hard and it is even harded when you think you are to blame. But this is false guilt and you just think you are guilty b/c everyone is telling you that you are. You know the truth deep inside and let that come out and overcome the other lies. You might want to see a counsellor if you still find yourself having a hard time, good luck. I hope everything words out for you!
2006-10-28 16:05:15 · answer #2 · answered by livelaughlove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry this is happening to you. Try to understand, even though is hard for you right now, that the family is suffering a huge lost and is normal trying to blame someone for what happened, is human nature, we need to blame it on someone or something, in this case they are blaming you, which is ridiculous, it wasn't your fault at all, things happen for a reason, and car accidents are just that accidents. Be strong, don't let those comments hurt you or affect you, time will pass and everyone will realize that it was an unfortunate event and you didn't have anything to do with that. God Bless!
2006-10-28 16:00:17 · answer #3 · answered by fun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So these people are blaming you because he was on the way to see you... that's all there is to it... did you pressure him into coming to see you... I don't understand how they could blame you unless you were like forcing him to drive in dangerous weather or something like that... I guess the beat thing to do is stay as far away from these a**s holes as possible... his deatth isn't your fault... you weren't driving and no on e twisted his arm to get in the car... you know all this... you need to get some older to talk to his family... like your dad or granddad... call these people and ask them where do they get off blaming you and if they don't zip it... the might be a lgal course you could take... I'm not saying there is but having a mature older relative call them might show them that you have someone behind you that cares and maybe they'll back off... hope this helps....
2006-10-28 16:00:02 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I cannot believe people are racting that way, that's sick!!! I mean, I've heard of people blaming themselves before, but blaming you, now that's just sick!!!His family is being ignorant. Was he drunk or something? Even if that's the case, it's still not your fault. Things happen, you need to have your own funeral for him. You need to go for long walks and listnen to him, what would he say to you if he were still alive... Would he want he want you to be unhappy, I doubt it!!!! Take as much time out of your schedule and away from these negative people as possible to let yourself mourn him and grieve properly.
2006-10-28 16:00:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all,let me say it was not your fault. Apparently he cared alot about you other wise he wouldn't have been comming to see you and I don't think that he would want you to blame your self. Things unfortantly happen that no one can control and alot of people make themselves blame others in anger and hurt, mostly because they don't understand why this happen to there son, friend, boyfriend. No you should not be in his place, no matter what anyone says. Be strong, you don't deserve to be punished for this. I hope that you can forgive this people for being this way and I hope they come to relize it was not your fault.
I wish you luck.
2006-10-28 16:05:17 · answer #6 · answered by jessdjnick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is NEVER your fault. You weren't even in the car with him. It would only have been your fault if you were in there with him, and ended up yanking the wheel to deliberately make him crash.
Friends and family will need somebody to blame for a death of a loved one. But you need to realize that their concerns are completely unfounded. You can't control what happened to him. It was just his time, and it's hard for people to accept that.
If you need to talk, or you need some advice, come visit me on my forum at http://www.phpbbserver.com/theconfidant/
Or you can email me at the_soothing_hand@yahoo.com
I hope it all works out for you in the end. Just realize that they are grieving, and they don't want to accept the fact that their son and friend is dead.
2006-10-28 16:03:26 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. Maul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG, I'm so sorry for your loss deary..
But I do only believe that friends and family of your lover's death, should not interrogate you in that sort of away. I know it may seem as if the world has gone crazy, thinking that the world hates you but, you should know that they are not doing any justice by blaming you. You should know that it only matters that he would have wanted you there at the funeral, And i'm sure he is watching over you in heaven
_godbless
2006-10-28 16:00:07 · answer #8 · answered by ladymember 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when people lose someone they love it is often normal to blame the one thing that is most obvious to blame. this does not make it right. in time they will realize it is not your fault. it is not your place to be six feet under, and there is nothing you can do to help it. stay away from his family for now, let them know how you feel and let it be. get on with your life
2006-10-28 15:57:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, there's no way that your the fault of your boyfriends death. People die when there suppose to die. Don't blame yourself. You should had still went to his funeral to say your good bye's . Don't stress over what his family and friends have to say. You can't see the future and you shouldn't take it hard on yourself.
2006-10-28 16:23:23 · answer #10 · answered by ms.lin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
During hard times that people have diffuculty coping with they will often seek someone to blame, you are obviously not to blame, but that doesn't necessarily mean they will stop any time soon. I would be civil, understand you may never change their minds and move on. Be strong and don't let people use you as a doormat. God Bless.
2006-10-28 15:57:05 · answer #11 · answered by TriDad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋