There is this kid that goes to my school and even though I barely know him and i have gone to school with him for 2 years, it like kills me to see such an innocent guy be so deep into drugs. I have a few obsticals to overcome as well to help him if I do. 1. I'm gay and I am attracted to him (he knows this) 2. I am super anti-social and am a very boring person 3. I have no idea what to do if I were to ask him to hang out to get his mind off of using.
any ideas?
2006-10-28 15:44:35 · 20 answers · asked by Zach 2 in Social Science ➔ Sociology
also I can tell he is the type of person that does what his peers do or is easily pressured
2006-10-28 15:45:17 · update #1
are you just trying to change him because you want to be with him?
as a recovering addict I can tell you that you cant change anybody who doesnt want to be changed...
2006-10-28 15:47:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
The quick answer is you don't. You can't even stop someone you know well from using if they don't want to, short of locking them up away from drugs That's only permissible under a court order or with the person's informed written consent.
You need to do three things:
1. If you know for a fact that someone is using illegal drugs, report him to the police, NOT to someone who is likely to rationalize or justify his behavior. Addicts need intervention to stop using. You MIGHT be able to spare this person a run-in with the law if you can summon the courage to confront him and help him to a rehabilitation center. Don't expect gratitude or a relationship in either case.
2. Find out why you are attracted to an addictive personality. If you don't, you are just liable to get tied to a user as an enabler.
3. Examine those behaviors of yours that enable you to know this person is using.
2006-10-28 23:17:21 · answer #2 · answered by Helmut 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't. i am a recovered addict and i know that from when i very first started there was not a damn thing anyone , no judge, no P.O., no parent, no friend, could have done to get me to stop. That change had to come from within. it takes what it takes. the best thing anyone ever did was to give up on me (i know that's hard) and let me make my own mistakes. Life got real bad till the point i really didn't feel like it was worth living and i one night sitting in a dope house i saw my life for what it really was, a tornado of chaos and destruction to me and everyone i ever loved or even came in contact with me. i knew then that i wanted to do whatever it took to change the life i was leading, and then and only then was i ready for the change. so i asked for help from god and from other ppl, especially AA, now i got 15 months clean. i know what you are going through, my baby's mom is still using drugs now and i want more than anything for her to change and for her to be the kind of mother our child and her other child deserve. I've tried everything i could, and it has only made things worse. I have to walk away. i wish it were not that way but it is I'm sorry to have to tell you this even, it sucks. the best thing for you to do is walk away, drugs destroy the way ppl think and if you try to get close he will sense it, use you for what he can get, and discard you. they turn the best ppl in the world into monsters, real quick. especially if its any harder drug (anything but alcohol or pot). good luck
2006-10-28 23:13:12 · answer #3 · answered by skytzo ! 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would befriend him and find out what the real problem is, something made him feel that drugs was OK some times all it takes is getting them out of the envierment that there in. If he hangs out with people who do drugs, then get him out of that crowed simply by trumping the offer that they present. Example, At 6pm every Friday he goes to his buds house and that;'s where he gets his drugs or the instigator of the drug problem offer to go out to a move or a ball game in that same time slot, make sure that it's something he real likes to do. Then it's a win win situation he gets out of using drugs and you get a new friend and you both get to socialize, oh and remember you wont know in less you try, it come to more then just being friends.
2006-10-28 22:54:39 · answer #4 · answered by matt v 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all your motives are very selfish, you should not be thinking you are going to change him for you personal purposes. Very wrong attitude to have, sorry! And if he is not gay, he will not be intrestred in having a relationship with you.
And second, no one can make some one desire to quit using or even quit. This must come from within himself. All you can do is talk to him about his situation and tell him of your concerns. He will quit if he chooses and if not he will continue to spiral out of control until he hits bottom or dies. A very sad and unfortunate reality of substance abuse and addiction. Good luck and God bless
2006-10-30 07:49:05 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Difficult one here I'm afraid.
It would be easier if he too were gay and interested in you - you would have far more positive influence over him if he felt close to you.
In the meantime, try not to judge him - or let him feel you are judging him - but see if you can get to know him a little better. To be a positive influence on the lad you are going to need to find SOME common ground to chat about I would think.
As for point 2, it's a shame you are trying to put yourself down whilst wanting to help someone else. Need to try and top up your own self-esteem a little if you are going to try and "be there" for someone else. This is quite important if you are serious about wanting to help him. It will make it MUCH easier for him to listen to you if you come over as confident and reasonably self-assured - even if you might not be feeling too confident!
Point 3? Well talk to him, find out what else he likes apart fro drugs. and also WHAT sort of drugs. Are we talking about someone who has the occasional joint or someone who is pushing heroin into his veins?
2006-10-28 22:58:33 · answer #6 · answered by Mark T 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are turned on by a weak follower who cannot control his drug use, you should check yourself, first. Second, read up on what it takes to overcome addiction and understand it takes more than getting your mind off of it. You are so sweet, I can tell-not to mention H-O-T! Help if you can find a way-but DO NOT get your heart involved (yet)!
2006-10-28 22:58:33 · answer #7 · answered by mom is a freak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go find the worst section of your city that has the meth users. Investigate it to make certain hat their are some meth-out people there willing to do ANYTHING to get money for the drugs,and once you are sure, take your friend to see them one night.
It should be a shock. People desperate for drugs are a scary lot.
2006-10-29 01:54:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand usually non gay guys like doing drugs and alcohol together. It might freak him out because you would be acting like a girl would act towards him. Im not saying you shouldnt but just make sure your relationship is that close first.
2006-10-28 22:48:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have wonderful motives but he needs to have an intervention by his friends and family. If you can organize that, you might have some success but it doesn't sound like you are in that position. You could write an anonymous note to him. At least it might make him think about the path he's on.
2006-10-28 22:50:43 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a pep talk with him, are you seriously worried about his safety or your own needs to want him and a clean him? If it gets out of hand you need to report him, your doing him more good than anything. But I wouldnt even tell your mother you did it bc you could get hurt for real.
2006-10-28 22:50:04 · answer #11 · answered by misty byerly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋