I am in the unpopular group at school. We are the punks or goths. I notice that all the known-to-be-beautiful-people are in the popular group.I want to be attractive, a well rounded student and popular. I do not want to be divorced and doing drugs in ten years because I made stupid decisions in high school. Plus I'm fat. Can you help me ?
2006-10-28 15:38:05 · 23 answers · asked by fanningniamh 1 in Beauty & Style ➔ Other - Beauty & Style
I really feel for you. I also was in the "punk" group in H.S. I was dealing with a lot emotionally that I didn't know how to deal with. I remember my dad asking me why I tried to make myself look ugly. I was hurt at the time, but as an adult now, I realize he just was trying to understand. I was trying to deal with stuff by dyeing my hair and wearing bad make-up and dark clothes. I was angry and didn't understand myself,m so I put myself out there to be misunderstood.
I don't know if this makes any sense to you. I now look at girls trying to live out that look and feel sorry for them. There is a reason to want to look that way. To want to be looked at as an outcast in a way keeps people at bay.
I hope you will begin to love yourself for who you are. Regardless of what "group" you are in, I hope you will start to see yourself in a new light. I hope you focus on the positive and because none of us are perfect, begin to take a real look at how to improve yourself. How you can be the best version of yourself? I will tell you that when you look good, you feel good. Start taking care of yourself. Eat healthy and move your body. Exercise lifts depression and makes you feel good. Maybe gradually you can begin to do your hair differently and experiment with make-up. Buy some clothes that you feel good in, but still express your individuality. Ultimately, when you identify yourself with any group, you are still a follower. Break out of that and just be you. Do not concern yourself with being popular. Just be a good person.
On a final note...I'm not one of those who try to shove anything down anyone's throat, but for me, I didn't learn to love myself until I met the one who loved me the most, unconditionally. Read the Gospel of John, in the New Testament and begin to see just how valuable you are. I wish you all the best and I'll be praying for you.
2006-10-28 15:55:23 · answer #1 · answered by pinkee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem in Junior High. =]
The first thing you ALWAYS have to keep in sight is that you don't want to become someone other people like for popularity, or friends. That would be a worse decision that drugs or any stupid mistake. Which I know you can do!
What I did first was join track at my school. What you can do is join an activity at your school (that you like) that promotes exercise and lets you get to know people. Work hard at it and meet new people, you don't need clothes, style, or even popularity to be good at a sport or lose weight.
Also people will find you more approchable if you wear regular clothes. I don't mean high fashion or six inch high heels just to get noticed. A witty T Shirt and jeans, or a skirt with sneakers work just as fine as what everybody else wears. you could probably mix that with some of the clothes you have in your closet already. So then you don't have to burn full paychecks on a brand new wardrobe. And plus if you come to school one day with your regular clothes on and jump to a completely new fashion, hairstyle, and additude people will see from a mile away that you want to be someone else. Take your image in steps, it doesn't matter how fast or slow it takes.
Also when you make new friends make sure you don't push your old ones out of the way. New friends are silver, but old ones who have stayed by your side are gold! You can hang out with more than one kind of person unpopular or not the only thing that really matters is how kind they have been to you. If people see you like that they would probably want to hang out with you even more.
I know you can do it!
Good luck!!
2006-10-28 23:20:08 · answer #2 · answered by andidrene 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok Sweety, out of the six things you mentioned about yourself that you would like to change, I think you can change a full five of them almost overnight. How about those odds?
You don't want to hang with the so-called unpopular group anymore, then don't. One down six to go.
You want to be attractive? So dress yourself like the ones you are now identifying with, or better yet find your own style that truly reflects the person you are now. But above all, don't make the fatal mistake of attaching your self image to your weight. That is what makes young girls like you get an eating disorder.Two down, four more.
A well rounded student you say? Well work hard in school, stay focused on your schoolwork, & don't put as much importance on your image as you do your grades. Three down, three to go.
Don't want to end up divorced? Again concentrate on your schoolwork, earn yourself a great education, & the right to a rewarding carreer. Learn how to be independant BEFORE you find a life partner. When you do think you have a man who you believe is mister right, then don't marry him until you are absolutely sure that he is a proper fit into the life you have carved out for yourself, without making any compromises.
Where was I, two to go? Oh yes, you don't want to end up doing drugs in ten years? Well be yourself, I know that sounds corny, but if you get with someone else who does drugs, If you are your own person, you will have the inner strength to turn away from that & leave without hesitation.
Finally, the one thing you said that rang out the loudest "I'm Fat"
I already said that there are five out of the six things that you can change overnight. This is the one that you can change if you really want but it will take a little more patience.
See the nurse at school, or your family doctor & have a serious talk about nutrition. Join a couple of clubs at school that have some form of physical activity, like track & field, or the swim club, soccer, vollyball or other sport. The increase in physical activity, without an increase in caloric intake will absolutely guarantee a loss in weight.
I hope that helped. Good luck on your journey for personal change.
2006-10-28 23:05:58 · answer #3 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't waste your time with the "popular" people. There IS no such thing as popular. Find a group of friends that you feel comfortable with and you'll have a much better time. I realized that towards the end of highschool. I was in a group with beautiful girls but we never considered ourselves popular. Get that idea out of your head. Work on yourself instead. If you think you have flaws, such as "being fat". Change them. Excercising, eating right, getting 8 hours of sleep, and all that jazz will make you feel much better. Don't dump your friends because you'll find out that the group you wanted to be in so much, isn't really fun at all. Why hang around people you have nothing in common with?
2006-10-28 22:48:52 · answer #4 · answered by M♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really doesn't matter what group you're in at school! Golly! I'm not in the "popular" group at school but it doesn't mean I don't get along with and chat with them (and everyone else).
And the popular kids are probably the ones who'll end up making stupid decisions in the end because they're to preoccupied with being cool.
Just be friendly to everyone, try your best at school and join as many extra-curricular activities as you can (like sports teams or music groups). That way you'll make lots of friends. Also, realise that you ARE attractive and then other people will notice too. It probab;y hows in the way that you act that you don't think you're attractive. Stand up straight and walk with pride!!!
2006-10-28 22:45:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, how should i put this..I guess highschool is hard for those unpopular students, the thought of wanting to be known. But I tell you what, you should just focus more on your abilities in school. You're popularity in highschool won't matter after. It's all the goods about having the brains. Besides most of the popular girls, do things for attention anyways.
2006-10-28 22:42:15 · answer #6 · answered by ladymember 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Smile - figure out what you are good at and focus on that.
Go to a department store and get good make up tips.
An old and rather irritating saying is "Beauty is as beauty does." You will not end up divorced and on drugs because you were not in the right group. But, if you can get a handle on what makes you wonderful, that is truly going to make the biggest difference in your life.
Start exercising - walk swim run whatever.
2006-10-28 22:58:44 · answer #7 · answered by anirbas 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get away from the punks and goth look. In my humble opinion, those type of people are trying to make a statement about being themselves even though they aren't being themselves. Don't worry about what other people think or say so much. Just BE YOURSELF, and put things in to perspective...High School is only a very small fraction of your life. Your life is defined by so much more than just that small portion of time. Try to include yourself with the people who share common interests with you, no matter what group they're in.
2006-10-28 22:44:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Listen, the people who are popular now, will most like grow up and be what you don't want to be come, divorced, ugly, and on drugs. Its the people who are individualist who end up amounting to something in life. Don't worry about them, worry about you and what you think of yourself. Listen, the first step to looking beautiful, is CONFIDENCE. So what if your "fat" , if your not happy about your weight, lose it. Just smile and live your life the way you want to live it.
2006-10-28 22:42:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, here's some advice, get away from the goths, and develop your own sense of style. Don't be a follower. Not all kids can be the popular ones. Be happy and confident in your own skin, and work to correct flaws that you see in yourself. Self-confidence is what makes a woman beautiful, not her weight.
2006-10-28 22:41:17 · answer #10 · answered by shojo 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋