what do you do when someone just wont listen?

Question

I'm trying to help my sister. She is so unhappy with her husband and has asked him to leave, told him she doesnt love him etc.. on many occasions. The problem is he won't leave, and he knows she can't leave either,she has 2 children and pets and has a low paying job. If she were to leave she would have to accept council accomodation in another town and be away from her family and friends. She cannot buy him out of the house as she only has a low paying job.. and he wouldnt agree to it even if she could.. i cant understand him, if someone told me they didnt love me.. you wouldnt see me for dust.. any help would be most gratefully received

Answer 1

Dear Jacqui just tell your sister 2 get on with her own life and try 2 make it as happy 4 herself kids, cats, dogs and chinchillas. tell her 2 have fun spending her husbands wages on clothes and whatever her heart desires. She may find that in a few years things may work out or she will be in a better position to get shut of him one way or another. She could have her own business by then or her Dad may have won the lottery and buy her house for her. You never know what tomorrow brings. Tell her dont worry be happy.

Answer 2

maybe she should consider speaking with a solicitor and getting some advice as they could help her with legal aid and start divorce proceedings ensuring that their assets are split equally and that he pays maintenance for the children. Also the council would ask here what area's she would consider moving to and she can specify the areas so she may not necessaritly have to move to a different area its worth contacting the council. I know this as my parents are going through a separation and divorce but there are no young kids involved I'm 25. She needs to live her life and look after herself and the kids and pets.

Answer 3

Has your sister actually sat down and talked to her husband or does she ask him to leave in the middle of arguments (like most people probably do!) ?
Maybe you could offer to look after her children one evening so she can talk to him properly.

I knew someone in a similar situation but she would only say how she really felt whilst they were arguing. Eventually she just couldn't understand why (like you said) he would want to stay when she said she didn't love him. She realised that he just didn't believe her when she said it, that she was only saying it out of anger. He knew as well as she did that their relationship wasn't great but he just kept "plodding on".

Eventually she sat and talked to him properly (without arguing) and made it perfectly clear how she felt. With your sister, at this point, she also needs to make the financial/house situation clear. Surely he cant be happy with this situation either, so I am sure a solution can be found.

If he really is the kind of man that wont co-operate then she will need to seek legal advice.

Answer 4

Why are you trying to help her - do you think she needs help or i sshe is asking? Does she really need your help (active) or is she simply looking for support (passive). Why don't you sit down and talk to her ffirst and sort this out, before moving on to having the kids so they can talk (good idea), or going to a family lawyer (another good idea - but expensive), or going to the council to see what would happen if she seperated from him. You seem to think she will need to move to a different town - why? Have you found this out or is it jusrt an assumption. You also seem to think a council estate is a bad place - some are, some are not.

Answer 5

I don't argue your points...I agree. But, I do have one question? If your sister has a low paying job, could she afford to pay the mortgage on the house on her own? And if they divorce, in most states the house is considered joint property, she will be forced to either buy him out, or sell the property and split the profit.

I understand your predicament and your sisters....but there is more to think about than just hubby moving out. There are future consequences and decisions that must be made.

Answer 6

If she can't affors to buy him out then she doesn't have a lot of choice in the matter, besides which she doesnt have to move away to get council accomodation, if she separates from him on the grounds of irreconcilable differences, she will get priority on her local housing lists, but when she divorces he will still have to buy her half of the property, so i would suggest she contacts a good family lawyer as soon as possible.

Answer 7

She should be grateful to be offered council accomodation just because she can't lie in the bed she made. a lot of folk just go through the motions because of the children, love is a dreamers fantasy material things are all that matter to folk now.

Answer 8

Some couples are prepared to put up with this to keep the family together. I admire those who are able to move on. Have you got any children? If not, you cannot possibly imagine what she is going through. She is not alone in her struggle. She should try to stay happy until she is strong enough to change her circumstances.

Answer 9

If it was that bad, she'd leave. Sounds like your sister likes complaining and having you join her pity party. Tell her to enroll in some classes so she can get a job that will help her support herself and her children. If she's unwilling to do that, tell her you don't want to hear anymore of her senseless whining.

Answer 10

Your only seeing her side. He has a right to be with his kids, a right to live in his house and a right to have his things. If she doesn't love him, she can leave and leave him with the house, kids and pets.