How do i escape this cage, i'm trapped?

Question

My husband knows i no longer love him, he's quite happy trapping me the way he does. He doesn't care about his appearance, he ignores me, he neglects me, he shouts at the children, he doesn't try to make things better and gets angry when i try to talk to him about it, he doesnt care as he knows that (with all my empty threats) i won't leave him as i have nowhere to go)...I have children who, because of his hours of work and the lack of his support i can't work.. he shows me no love and only shows an interest when he wants his weekly rashions of sex. He knows i have nowhere to go and i have no choice but to stay with him..what do i do, he's a pig, i feel so unhappy.

Answer 1

There are refuges for women in these situations..dont put up with it...look in the phone book under Womens Aid.

Answer 2

In some ways your situation is simular to mine. I feel trapped too. You didn't say how long you have been married. I have been married for almost 20 years, 2 daughters ages 4 & 9 and not a day goes by that I don't wonder what my life would be like if we had not gotten back together after we were seperated 10 years ago, before we even had kids. My husband is not horrid, and lets me do whatever I want but he shows no affection what so ever and has zero interest in sex. If there were no children I would leave. My husband knows how I feel and it hasn't changed how he acts or anything. He just doesn't get it. He truely loves me with all he has but his all isn't enough and I am un happy every day just about. If you stay you will continue to be unhappy just like me. Thing is, I don't yet have the courage or energy to leave and hurt my kids with a divorce. I cry about this daily. I hope that you can find a way out. ((HUGS))

Answer 3

The only thing you can do is decide that you want a better life for yourself and your children and start doing something about it. If your children are in school, you have time during the day when you can attend classes. There are plenty of professions that will allow you to support yourself and your kids that only need a two year degree (nursing or dental hygienist make upwards of $50,000 a year). Even if you only attend part time, you're still moving closer to independence than if you do nothing at all. Community colleges are well geared for adult learners who haven't attended classes for years. You'll find plenty of people you're age there. You'll also start to get some of your self-esteem back once you start seeing what you're capable of. After a while your threats won't be empty. Become pro-active, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, or making yourself a victim.

Answer 4

you are caught between a rock and the deep blue sea. which ever way you turn you are going to suffer. If your husband can not behave like a decent human being and won't listen to your concerns, then you are wasting your precious life away-even though the children are your primary concern. If you live in a council property your best solution would be to break away from him cleanly once and for all-the longer you leave it the harder it will become. if he won't listen to you who will he listen to? Find some womens help group to see if they can fast track you onto a council place. unless you become independent of him you will always be his slave.If you can get a council place, divorce him and find someone else. He can't be much of a father to your children if he behaves badly towards you. If you don't loosen the chains he's put around you he will only tighten them more as time goes on. Be brave. Life is about taking chances to acheive worthwhile things-you have nothing-if you want somthing fight for it.

Answer 5

Question: Why don't you go out and get a job?

Just because he is no help with the kids -- well, .... as a Long-Term Single Mom (and finally -- empty-nesting single) -- I can DEFINITELY STATE that is NO EXCUSE for NOT getting a job!

YOU ALWAYS have choices -- choice to leave, choice to get a job, choice to have the children in day care, choice to go out (when the kids are in school) and get more training for the job market yourself ... whatever.

YOUR choice right now (based on this question and information provided) is to DO NOTHING -- just sit there and take it.

Well ... I CAN SAY THIS -- I MADE the choice to LEAVE after a short term nasty, abusive, horrible marriage -- and PAID my own way out of the problem relationship (BECAUSE ... well, I WAS WILLING to work for my FREEDOM!)!

Get up, get some training, get the will to MAKE your own choices -- because by doing NOTHING -- you have made a choice to be miserable, and that is NOT how life was meant to be lived.

Answer 6

Nobody is an island. Do you honestly believe that he suddenly changed from the man you wanted to marry (presumably the man of your dreams) to some kind of slob that you don't love and you had nothing to do with it?
I would say he is self-sabotaging and you are not a little bit fickle with your emotions.
I don't know why you can't leave but this sounds suspicious. If I may venture a guess, There may still be hope but you will need LOTS of therapy, and only one therapist may not do. You both have DEEP seated issues (especially the self-saboutage). Least of all you will need to not repeat the same mistakes.
Never give up until you can honestly say that you tried everything, remember your son.
Good Luck

Answer 7

It is sad you are in a cage, but you allowed this to happen to you, he is surely an abuser, he has no value for women and no respect. It speaks of how he has grown up, abuse must have been practiced in his family, his father must have treated his mother that way. It is sad that you are a victim. Your self esteem is badly affected. Have you spoken to someone about this? It is good to talk to as many people as possible because this is the onlyway you can get help. You have to ask yourself do you want to continue in this relatonship? If Yes then go for counseling. I doubt it very much because he will say he has not problem it is only you who has a problem.
Think of talking to someone who you trust, Usually women who leave their husbands eventually go back, because of the false promises they make to their wives, and women usually go back because they do not have any social support to stand on their feet, this is normal, but the birth of the thought is the beginning of change, thoughts leads to actions.
You have written this on Yahoo, it only goes to say that you are sure that this is not the way you like to be treated. YOu deserve a better life and that is a good realization. Believe me you will find your way, a person living in the cell knows how to dig a hole and get out, you have the thought and action is not far.
Make a list of friends you think will be useful or relatiives who willsupport you. If nothing works call the police and say you dont want to stay in the house because of verbal abuse and emotional abuse. Call any women organization for help, look in your phone book or call the exchange and speak to the operator.
this is surely a path to better life, look forward and keep moving, believe me you will succeed. Take up a job and start your life.

Answer 8

Move out! Arrange to stay with a friend or relative, preferably one that is further away and then arrange childcare and get a job. Find out before you act just what the process of getting help from the government is so you can put things in place promptly and then just do it. Only you can make things better and single mothers do it all the time so you just have to make the firm decision to act. Save some money before hand by scrimping on the groceries and slowly stash some necessities away.

Answer 9

Hi

I'm so sorry to hear this is the condition of your relationship. Dear gosh. I suggest you talk to your family, not your children and husband mind you but if you have parents to talk to, friends, or siblings or cousins or uncles or aunts or grandparents.

Basically expand your options. Maybe someone will help you. Someone will support you and give you a place to stay. Things won't be better overnight, but I can promise you that if you're away from that husband of yours there will be improvement in your life, and your childrens easily influenced minds will be saved from the growing up trauma that hundreds of others go through.

I pray things work out for you and if you ever need to vent out your pain and frustration I'm a good listener

Hope it works out
-Andrew

Answer 10

No body should have to live like that, confront him about how you feel, if that don,t work. Go to get some help , best thing you can do is demand a divorce, he will have to leave you then, because the courts always put mother and children first, then he will have to support you and the children. It,s not easy to start this process, but do you want yourself and your children to live like this for the rest of your life, divorce the man. You have grounds for mental cruelty at least to start with.

Answer 11

my advice is to contact you local council and inform them of your current situation and explain that you have no where to live and are in need of an urgent housing placement due to the breakdown of your marriage and that you currently have no assets to enable yourself to find somewhere else to live such as rented accomodation. I'm guessing your children are young and that you can not work as a result of this. My advise is to talk with family and friends to see if they can help you by looking after the children occassionally so that you may find part time work to be able to support yourself.

If the council find alternative accomodation for you dont tell your husband just move out and leave a note saying that you have moved out and that you will be in touch.

It's easier this way for all concerned at least you can live your own life.