Why doesn't my mom trust me? (teen partying)?

Question

ive never ever done anything too bad...and i'm one of the top in my class, i just dont get why my mom doesn't trust me enough to go to a party...she thinks that i'm going to drink, and doesn't trust that I will choose not to drink...i mean, i dont plan to drink at all!! but my mom still wont let me go to the party!! i'm in 9th grade, by the way :) i think my mom is being overly strict...instead of letting me learn from my own experiences, she's locking me up at home and expecting me to just trust her while staying safe but never actually experiencing it and learning for myself.

I'd like to hear from parents, do you let your teens go by the "learning youself" method or the "trust me i've done it" method?

Answer 1

the role of the 'parent' is to worry.
it is their job..
if they didn't worry, they wouldn't care - and you dont want that do you? at least your parents care about you, which is more than some people's parents..

Answer 2

I am 21, but a mother as well. I would NOT let my 14 or 15 year old go to a party. That would be pure poor judgement on my part. At this point I am sure your mom is aware of all the peer pressure. It is SO suprising what people will do when they see others doing it. I was never allowed to go to parties. Of course I was upset, but knowing what I know now. I am glad I didnt know. There are so many things that can go wrong at parties.

What would you do if someone called the cops and busted the party? You may not be drinking, but if just one person is, and you are there. You are in trouble too. Same goes with drugs. And jus because you dont plan on drinking does NOT mean that someone would not try. How uncomfortable would that be?

I say trust your parents are making the right choice. They ARE only trying to protect you. I think you would rethink the "learning from my own experiences" thing if the party got busted and that went on your record for the rest of your life. You have no clue the intention of people at the party. Rape is something serious. Not saying it would happen. But it is increasingly happening to underage girls, drinking or not.

Answer 3

It's not so much the fact she DOESN'T TRUST YOU, I think it's more along the lines of not trusting the environment you will be in, and not knowing the kids you will be associating with. Why not try to compromise with her. If you are being honest about this being an innocent party, then being a 9th grader, I am sure your friend holding the party will have their parents present at the party. (if not then you should know it's not safe to go), Have your friend's parents talk to your mom to assure her it is an innocent teen get together. That is what I used to do, and if I did not like the sound of what I heard, the girls stayed home, end of story. I am sure if you mom talked to the parents, and they are reliable, responsible people, she might think about it. I think you are old enough to make a wise compromise, but you need to accept your parents answers. They have their reasons for why they say no, even though you don't understand it.

Answer 4

What you are seeing isn't about trust, it is about keeping you safe.

A parent's job is to protect the teen from themselves and the world around them.

Parents tend to be strict at your age for two reasons.

1. High Schoolers (especially freshmen) are impressionable and easily manipulated. You may not want to drink, but peer pressure is real. If you drink, you might drive home so you don't have to tell your parents what you did. You may drink too much and fall prey to a horney college student or child molester.

2. They remember what it was like when they were young. I was a good kid myself. I never really drank or parties in HS. I got to college, and I was a gutter drunk. I smoked two packs a day and almost ended up in AA by the time I graduated. I'll spare you the details of my wild rampages, but lets just say, I'd make Marines on R&R look like amateurs.

Should you be left to learn on your own? Perhaps. However, the dangers facing kids today are far greater than what I saw only 15 years ago (I graduated HS in 1993). Some mistakes will get people killed, or worse yet, get yourself killed. Other mistakes can get your hurt mentally. In a year, you'll be driving. If you are left alone to make mistakes in a car (and you will make them), you can kill someone. If you go to a dance club one night with only your friends and you run into a sexual predator, you'll be mentally scared for life if you are lucky, dead if you're not lucky (the risk may be small, but the risk is still real and the consequences great).

Give it time. Your parents will loosen up when you get older. If they don't, not a big deal, you have the rest of your life. Besides, you are living under their roof and they are probably paying a good chunk of your bills. You owe them enough to respect their wishes. Just try and find common ground (what can you do that is safe, but still allow you to exercise independance)

Good Luck!

Answer 5

My cousin did the "learning yourself" method and reciently broke her neck in a car accident. Her mother thought she was mature enough to not get into the car with a drunk driver, but apparently she wasn't. She is OK now, but she could easily have died. Those are the stories your mother is hearing and trying to protect you from. Please don't take it personally, it's hard being a mom. She has to balance "trusting" you and keeping you safe. It may help if you invite the parents who are chaperoning the party to dinner so your mom can meet them. If there will be no adults then your mother is right not to let you go. Also, ask if you can host a party. This way your parents can see first hand how the party is conducted. Invite the friends you would expect at the parties you want to go to.

Answer 6

I agree with your Mom but probably not for the reason you think. With most parents it is NOT a "I don't trust you issue" it is a "I don't trust those I don't know" and that is a totally different animal.
At age 14 or 15 you have not had the life experiences that allow you to avoid problems that you are not equipped to handle. Yes, I know you think you can (and perhaps you are right) BUT many, many teens have gone down the tubes because they were put in a peer pressure situation where they could not bring themselves to say no (because of the pressure) when at any other time they would. Listen to you Mom on this one. When you head to college and Mom is not around you will QUICKLY see why she said what she said. You are NOT the only one this rule is applying too. Many other parents set the same rules (I was one of them).

Answer 7

I swear to god, I used to have the same problem as you. At one pint, I yelled at my mother and made her cry because I was so angry at her. But you should understand that she wants to protect you. Even though you are a good student at school, she fears that if you go to a party, you might make friends with the wrong crowd and you'' become a different person. Trust me, your mother isn't being strict, she's doing the right thing. And you'll thank her later on in your life when you find out that those people you knew that used to go to parties all the time are now in debt and flipping bugers at Burger King. Don't be so hard on your mom, and be happy that she loves you. Parents that don't love their children are the ones that let them attend parties where they try drugs and have unprotected sex. That is not love.

You have a great mother and you should be happy. =D Good luck with your life, and continue being the top of your class.

Warm regards

Answer 8

sorry i'm not a parent i'm in 9th grade too and i'm in the top of my class and just had this problem not to long ago with my parents..i don't like underage drinking i think it's wrong and all together just a gross thing to do..but thats not the point see there was this party and i asked my mom if i could go i decided to be honest with her and tell her that there might be some kids drinking there and then she freaked out on me and it was this huge fight but the next night i went to talk to her and i told her that i wasn't going to drink and also what my opinions were about drinking then she told me that she trusted me she just didn't want me to get into a bad situation...basically if you just talk to her then she will understand and let you do...i hope i helped..your mom just doesn't want you to get in a tempting situation don't take it the wrong way..she loves you

Answer 9

Hi. As a Mom of 3 - and 2 are teenagers...my 14 3/4 year old 10h grader feels like you do. The thing is I do trust him..he's a good kid - but It's my problem because I am having a hard time "letting go" - at your age you want to discover independence and Moms like us don't like to let go. So, it is a learning experience for both...I have to let go and he will experience his independence he so wants...maybe he will make mistakes but he has to learn from them. The key here is to respect your parents...don't disrepect them and don't be rude to them when you speak with them. Ask your mom to take you out for something to eat and tell her how you feel. If she doesn't learn to let you go, it will only turn into a disaster which is what I am facing now. I learned too late and have my 14 3/4 year old raging mad at me all the time. But I am trying to fix it..slowly , I hope it will end up well. My kid means everything to me so thats why I have to let go..please undestand for a Mom, this is difficult!. ..If she saw this post she would see what an intelligent and upstanding teen she has. Communication and respect is the key here...hopefull it will open doors for you. Good luck kid.

Answer 10

A lot of things could happen to a young girl at a party. At your age, you may be responsible, but friends can pressure you into things you wouldn't normally do. Your mother is probably worried about this. I don't really agree with keeping you home all the time because you might feel as if you are really missing out on something and you will try to make up for it later. Suggest to your mom that you can prove to her that you will not mess up. Promise to be home at a certain time and stick to it, don't drink, and if anything or anyone makes you feel uncomfortable, go home. She is trying to protect your innocence and it is understandable because it is very precious. If you can prove to her that you are responsible when you are out, then maybe she will be more lenient. Good luck and be safe.

Answer 11

I have never been to a party or what you would call a teen party. I have been to more normal party's were nothing is stolen , broken and there are no fights or yelling. And the music is not very loud

But I know exactly what goes on at partys and bad things can happen. Yes she is being over reactive. But I bet you will be when you are a parent too maybe not as bad. Lets see what others say.