Would you forgive your loved ones if they hurt you so much?

Answer 1

This is a tough one without more specifics but as Hick Chix said it depends, sometimes you have to look for a "different family". I know that blood is blood and they always will be but some families do not have the capacity to love,share,be kind even, some families without knowing many times look for you to fail. I found that for almost 50 years I have been trying to gain the love and respect of a mother that is not capable of showing those emotions to me, that is the way she was brought up and that is the way she is. I also came to realize that the support I always sought from her I get from my other family(friends,co-workers etc). I also learned to forgive her but I held on to the anger and feelings of never being good enough for way to long. I became an overachiever, had poor self worth though when it came to my personal life and what I would or would not allow, I would allow any to be as mean or hurtful as they could be but I would still stay with them determined to make them change. In short, I wasted a great deal of time blaming myself for something of which I had no control. A few years I moved back to my hometown where she lives, as well as my daughter and grandchildren had moved here when I moved to MD, but those first few years were awful. I was sick, very sick, had multiple major surgeries and I wanted my mother to be a mother, well she really could not do that. She did not know how. In the last few months, for some reason, I have begun to look at her in a different light, realizing that she can't change, she knows nothing different. Although she could not nurture me, I can still nurture and care for her after she fell a few weeks ago. Have I forgiven her, yes, will I ever totally forget no. To carry around that pain and expectation was too much for me to handle, I had to forgive her and move on to be a better daughter than she could be mother ..I feel much better. I raised my children differently than she did but they still do things that are not always so nice and now I tell them, treat me with respect, I deserve it..Carrying around hostility and anger is a heavy load, it hurts you more than anyone else.. Does this mean you have to put yourself in situation to be hurt or disappointed again , NO just the opposite. Find the love you so much need from the family members that hurt you from others and do not expect them to change, they will never meet your needs. Sorry this is so long but I had to explain what I was trying to say and what works, it is not always black and white.
Magnolia

Answer 2

It's not if we would but it is if you can.This is something only u can decide on.That is if u love her to the point that u will forgive her and try it again.Since we have no idea what she did you need to really think on this.Can u live without her?Do u want to live without her?Can u live knowing what she did in whatever it was that hurt you.Was it really a thing that u think she will not ever do again and is she truely sorry?These are the question u need to ask yourself.I wish u all the luck.

Answer 3

Forgiveness is a right and no matter how much someone has hurt you you should forgive them.Forgiveness does not make the other person right it makes you able to move on and not be bitter.Bitterness is a horrible place to be.It negatively interferes with your entire being.

Answer 4

You have to forgive them if you want God to forgive you of the things that you did wrong. You don't have to be involved with them anymore, but you should not speak of what they did or try to make them feel guilty. Read "Total Forgiveness" by R.T. Kendall. You can find it at Wal-Mart. It's an amazing book. I hope you find the healing that you need.

Answer 5

I've been in this situation and my advice is to get out because they have hurt you, and its really hard to forgive and forget what they have done. I've been trying to let things go where my b/f has hurt me and i can honestly say its not working all its doing is turning to hate because what he has done is eating away at me. So don't let that happen to you. Tell them what they have done and that you can not forgive that. If they can not accept it walk away.

Answer 6

It depends on the level of hurt, and the person that was hurt. Some people are able to be more forgiving than others? It also depends upon the level of hurt that was given to this person.

Answer 7

Tough question to answer -- because I have been abused by someone close to me, and they also helped my ex (willingly) burglarize my residence just recently.

So I am struggling right now with the idea of letting go and trying to put this behind me, but when I am working on repairing my home, think of something that meant a lot to me (that they stole), or having to fix something else (or pay the bills for replacing the security system) ... all the emotions of being wounded to the core of my being comes right back.

Answer 8

It depends on what they did to hurt you. The main thing to remember, is YOU cant change a person. They have to want to change for themself. And if they havent yet, they probably wont anytime soon either. No matter your age, you still have time to meet someone that really fits with you. That doesnt mean everyone is perfect. It just means their imperfections are perfect to you. Find that person. Your other half.

Answer 9

My friend, I am in that boat.

My girlfriend of 4 years, after cheating on me a couple years beforehand and begging me to take her back, decided all of a sudden one night back in June that she was a lesbian. I was crushed and had it -- I flew back home and three days later a girl was living in our apartment. I haven't seen my dog or any of my possessions since, some of which she sold.

Yet, the other day, after not talking to her for months and months, the last thing she said was "see you in hell" -- I e-mailed her and told her I forgave her.

I am Buddhist, so this may not help you but... here's what Buddhism has to say about forgiveness:

"In Buddhism, forgiveness is seen as a practice to prevent harmful emotions from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being.[2] Buddhism recognizes that feelings of hatred and ill-will leave a lasting effect on our mind kamma and instead encourages the cultivation of emotions which leave a wholesome effect. "In contemplating the law of kamma, we realize that it is not a matter of seeking revenge but of practicing metta and forgiveness, for the victimizer is, truly, the most unfortunate of all.[3] When resentments have already arisen, the Buddhist view is to calmly proceed to release them by going back to their roots. Buddhism centers on release from delusion and suffering through meditation and receiving insight into the nature of reality. Buddhism questions the reality of the passions that make forgiveness necessary as well as the reality of the objects of those passions.[4] "If we haven’t forgiven, we keep creating an identity around our pain, and that is what is reborn. That is what suffers."[5]"

Good luck.

Answer 10

You can find peace through forgiveness. However, if someone is harming you you need to forgive and move on.