16 yo daughter who doesn't have sex, drug or drink, makes good grades, works part time, wants me to not have curfew, to let her stay over with boyfriend, go on out of town, overnight trips. I say no. She can't understand why. Curfew midnight, weekends, 9pm school nights. I give her a late model car to drive, a cell phone, room of her own, foods of choice,college future, other extras. She still isn't happy. Am I not understanding something, or her, or both?
2006-10-28 13:24:33 · 20 answers · asked by dj_of_raleigh 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Basically she is behaving like a teenager, just like a 2 yr old has their idiosyncrasies, teenagers have theirs. They want the adult stuff but in reality, understand NONE of it.
Unfortunately, the hormones are way dominant at that age and all you can do is try to cope & hope you survive the roller coaster ride.
FYI - stick by those curfew and no overniters rules ! At least if she ignores them and get into ugly circumstance, she will not be able to blame you with the "well, you said I could do it". You are totally right and need to stand by the basic safety rules, just like you would not let a 2 yr old stick objects in an electrical outlet 'because they want to' nor did you need to make the 2 yr old understand electricity.
THEY ONLY NEED TO KNOW THE RULES, you can explain it once but do not waste your time defending it after that.
good luck, and all our prayers
2006-10-28 13:35:07 · answer #1 · answered by kate 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As far as the curfew goes, my parents used to say that they didn't want us getting into trouble, so on nights that we didn't have anything to do we were allowed to have friends over until our curfew, and if we had special things to do like a late movie premiere or a concert, etc. we were allowed an extension on our curfew. When we were at the house we'd be checked on every once in a while, but for the most part we didn't feel like we were being babysat which made it bareable to be at home. As far as the overinght trip with friends goes, my dad always had a saying "It takes 2 things to do something desire and oppertunity. I can't control the desire, so I control the opperunity." Explain to your daughter that she is very mature and responsible, and if she went on that trip, this time nothing would happen, and probably the time after that, but if you continued to go away, naturally our desires would get the best of us. If he let us go this time it's not fair to say no every other time, so he just said no from the begining. Experessing your trust, and how responsible she is will probably help. You're just trying to keep her natural desires at bay. Hope that helps!
2006-10-28 13:38:04 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa, That's me! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for me being a teen i understand what both you and your daughter are feeling. your daughter just wants to be independent and make her own experiences in the world. i don't think you should let her have no curfew at all then her grades might slip and she might have too freedom. extend her curfew a few more hours. i mean 9 pm school isn't that much maybe until 10 or 11. having sleepovers and staying overnight with her boyfriend should be no big deal. as long as you know her friends it be should fine. it could also help if you knew her friend's parents. and for her boyfriend, know what kind of guy he is before you let her spend the night over there.
2006-10-28 13:32:26 · answer #3 · answered by azngrlzkickass 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest that you stick to your values. Because of her doing so well, I would do whatever I could to encourage her good behavior and grades. Remind her that you love her and that you do trust her. I would hope that when becomes an adult and mother she would let her 16 year old daughter roam wherever and whenever they wanted. When she is 18, she will be an adult. She can pay for all her own bills and you will not be responsible for her breaking curew (tickets).
I really think you are looking out for her best interests as well as yours. What does think and want?
Rules, Laws and Parenting come first over being your daughters friend. So I applaud you. She should be thanful for what she has and what she doesn't.. ar, cell phone, room, choices.
In my personal opinion, she needs to apologize and pay respect where respect is do to you on being caring, responsible and respectable parent.
If I was your friend, I won't have to ask where you think your daughter was at 3 a.m.. Friends, boyfriends, etc.
Keep your head up. !
2006-10-28 16:02:50 · answer #4 · answered by Robert Miller 95670 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let her have some freedom your suffocating the poor girl the more your saying no the more she WILL rebel and you can say that she doesnt do those thing as much as you want but i would put a £50 bet on that she has had sex and a drink before!!
my mum always gave me a hard time and i moved out of home at 16 just to have a bit of freedom and experience things that most teenagers had already done!
if you want to have a good relationship with your daughter then show her that you trust her, let her stay at her boyfriends but make sure she knows the boundaries!
let her go on overnight trips as long as she has her mobile with her and you can reach her at all times and you also know where she will be and who she is going with!!
trust me i wish i was still in touch with my mum, but unfortunately i havent spoken to her for about 5 years!!
i hope you find it inside you to show your daughter that you trust her and respect the fact that she is growing into an adult!!
2006-10-28 13:41:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds to me she want to be treated like a adult, you could do just that..make her pay for her rent. car ins, even the car , the cell phone all the etc that you pay for she than may be willing to listen and do as she is told, the flip side to this coin is then she will be able to come and goes as she wants to and only you know if you willing to accept that, as long as she is living in your home it is just that your home and she must abide by your rules maybe you could meet her half way up the curfew a hour and no stay overs with the boyfriend until maybe 17 1/2 and only if she is on the pill ,, unless your religion forbids such stuff than well it will have to wait until she is old enough to move out .. i hope i have helped
2006-10-28 13:36:35 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well she is a good kid but if you give her all that stuff she asked for she'd probably be tempted to do something you wouldn't like. For instance what do you think there gunna do if you let her sleep over her boyfriends? that's practically asking for it. Like I said she does sound like a good kid, why not nudge back the school curfew to 12 (she'll be so tired she'll probably just go to bed at a regular time anyway) & let her go out of town if she gives advanced notice. That way you have a compromise
2006-10-28 13:30:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are providing her with alot of things most kids that age don't get. And still she wants more? I know from experience that if the city you live in has a curfew, and your kiddo is out past that, you the parent are held responsible...court, parenting classes...I don't go for the sleepovers with the boyfriend, sorry...that's asking for trouble, and also disrespectful to you and your house...stick to your guns mom, life is full of rules that she will have to accept even if she doesn't like them. Let her learn now.
2006-10-28 13:51:21 · answer #8 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
perhaps you gave into her too easily when she was younger and now she still expects that same level of getting her way...
this is very common - parents give into young kids becuase the kids are young and whats the harm? Infact the harm is that young spoilt kids grow up to be problem teens...
I dont know if this was the case or not but you are the LAW.. either she is willing to live with it or she can move out...
you "think" she doesnt have sex.. but why else would she want sleep overs at boyfriends?? my guess is the parents of the boyfriend wouldnt agree to this either...
2006-10-28 13:30:36 · answer #9 · answered by CF_ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its tough being 16 and all you want from your parents is for them to trust you to make decisions on your own, weather they be right or wrong. i would not say that letting her go out of town, or staying at her boyfriends house, have you thought about him being able to stay at your house that way you have the say so as to what happens and she get to have him spend the night? She seems like a good kid with a level head on her shoulders so sit down and have an adult conversation with her treating her like the equal she is trying to show you she can be. and compromise
2006-10-28 13:39:16 · answer #10 · answered by stormieshilo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋