I'm 23 and i got married 2 months ago.My husband is 25, and he never seems to wanna have sex. I initiate it 9 out of10 times, and most times he turns me down or acts like i'm asking him to buy me jag or something. We have sex about 1 or 2 times a week. Is this normal???
2006-10-28 12:25:50 · 47 answers · asked by Dania Rabbit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no, but you might have one of those rare guys who wants it less than you
2006-10-28 12:27:22 · answer #1 · answered by blackratsnake 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It would depend on if this is a new thing for him or if it has always been this way. When you were just dating did you have more sex? If so then maybe he is just feeling overwhelmed with the responsibility of marriage...you know all the things he has to worry about now...like a house, putting food on the table stuff like that. There is a lot of pressure on a man when he gets married to "Step up to the plate and take care of his family" and for some it can be a big worry. How is his job? Maybe he has stress at work. There are many things that can affect a mans sex drive. What I would do is sit down sometime when you are both in a good mood and relaxed and talk to him. Tell him that you are worried about him and would like to know whats going on....don't lay blame and just say "Oh you don't love me...or Why don't I turn you on" Just talk. Let him know that you are here for him...no matter what you are in this together. Be his friend try to get him to open up to you and let you know what he is feeling. If everything is okay and he is not worried about anything....then maybe this is normal for him....if that is the case and you find that you need more then I guess you will just have to pleasure yourself...you are a big girl you can do this *S*. Really I would not make a big deal of this as long as he will talk to you and you know that you as a couple are okay.
Best of luck
2006-10-28 12:40:12 · answer #2 · answered by oldman 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't know if it's normal- but I'm 23 also w/ a 25 year old husband, and he acts the same way. Like you, I initiate it most of the time- and a lot of times he acts like he could take it or leave it. I'd like to have sex pretty much every day, he doesn't. It hurts to feel like he doesn't find me attractive. If you get some good advice, let me know!
2006-10-28 16:54:20 · answer #3 · answered by JustMyOpinion 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A good sex life is part of good marriage. Your concerns are valid. It can be frustrating because you want sex and your husband is does not. It is good to talk to him about it, and it is not wrong, you are his wife. Initiate the conversation on a friendly way, and confess to him that you get turned on by him in bed and that you love him so much. Treat him like a good friend and gain his confidence so he can confess. Since you are just married sexual adjustment takes time, be patient and help him settle down and be comfortable with you. Get to know him better, If he has any sexual dysfuntion you can help him find a good doctor. Show more concern. If you are not satisfied having sex ,you have to help him out, may be he is shy, or feels he is not satifying you and fears that he is not a good husband. Help him talk to a counselor atleast.
Looks like you have not talked to him about this. If you dont talk who will do the talking? Be brave to help this distance go away.
2006-10-28 14:15:10 · answer #4 · answered by thachu5 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For a newly wed it is not normal-it should be atleast once daily. There can be many reasons for his not taking interest-I am listing below- you have to find out what it is:-
1. He do not like your looks and married you under partents pressure.
2. He has any failed love affair or still having affair with anybody.
3. He lost himself in making carrier and money and forget how to enjoy life-just become a currency printing machine!
4. He is lacking self confidence about his sexual ability.
5. He has any misconception about married life as if he make advances first for sex or demand it more often-he will lost his value in your eyes as you take him as granted.
Think on all the above-one reason should be there.
2006-10-28 13:47:37 · answer #5 · answered by laughing_room 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1 or 2 times a week - that's not bad. Does he work alot - is he tired alot? Could be part of it. I know of a couple where the woman always asks for sex the husband always turns her down - but they only have sex maybe once a month - if that. But at 1 or 2 times a week I wouldn't be too worried. Most couples are probably at about anywhere from 1 - 3 times a week. So, maybe you are just about normal.
I dont' think it's nice that he always turns you down - I don't think that part is normal. Maybe he prefers to do the persuing. If he is a little controlling - maybe he only likes things that he thinks are "his" idea and not yours... So, maybe you have to find a way to make him think it is his idea to have sex. Good luck.
2006-10-28 12:31:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is an issue that might require a third party to intervene with. A marriage or sex therapist might hold the key to the solution. Since this is the beginning of your marriage, it should be worked out soon. This happens even with dating situations at times. Once sex occurs, the guy might get bored of it. Did you have sex before marriage? That is often a problem when sex does not occur before marriage. People think that it is better to wait until marriage, but don't fathom the complications of once sex is introduced. Anyway, enough with the theory tangent. This is an issue that NEEDS to be worked out. Try talking to him about it. Maybe he needs a more intimate setting before engaging in sex. Try setting up a romantic scene for him, dress in lingerie, or a sexy outfit.
My best solution is to try therapy with him. They usually have the best answers than on yahoo.
2006-10-28 12:32:04 · answer #7 · answered by b-rad 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
One or two times a week seems normal to me, but if it isn't enough for you then there is a problem. Has he always been this way or is it new? Maybe he is stressed, tired. You need to ask him and not pressure him. Try waiting for him to initiate; if you don't, he just may!
2006-10-28 13:30:17 · answer #8 · answered by mab5096 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was wondering if yours was an arranged marriage. if it was , he may care for someone else, and resents you for it. either way , then i would advise you to not stress about it. give him time to get used to you. after he sees what a great girl you are, he may change his feelings. it would also be wise to wait for a while before having children. this doesn't seem like a marriage you would want to bring children into. then, if it doesn't work out, at least , no harm done .just dust yourself off, and move on. as newly wed men , would rather have sex than breathe, i would say it's not normal.
2006-10-28 12:41:55 · answer #9 · answered by cee jay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband might be kinda asexual. He should probably pay more attention to you. He's probably freaking out about having kids or maybe he's scared of girls/you. Doesn't sound normal. At 25 I wanted it at least once a day. Talk to him about it. Educate him a little. Be gentle with him. 21st century males aren't quite as sure of themselves as others once were/still are. There has to be a balance. He might be shagged from working too much.
Talk to him but don't nag him about it. Masterbate in front if him. He
might like that. Be Creative. Know what I mean?
2006-10-28 12:33:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
maybe he's tired or has a medical problem, although it's kind of too soon after getting married.
if he also changed his attitude-like you never do things right, he always criticises everything in the house or about you, he starts missing nights, he never pays attention to your needs or to what you're saying, then he might be having an affair. It took me months to discover that my husband was having an affair, and he did all of these!
you'd better talk to him- not complain or quarrel, just talk- to see what the problem is.
good luck!
2006-10-29 03:19:40 · answer #11 · answered by monica06 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋