Divorce: I don't get it! Why so quick to take this route?

Question

Been reading responses from responders: 'leave him, walk out, gal just leave him, what the heck are u still doing in that marriage!!'
I acknowledge that a number of marriages are tough, very abusive and life threatening sometimes but it is my opinion that we are just too quick to take this route when we have disagreements with our spouses over a long period.
What has caused this enormous shift in thinking from back then when it was 'impossible route' to take unless you were in an 'extremely' abusive marriage?

Answer 1

Well I asked my mom the same question. She really didn't have a smart answer. She said that first of all she married for the wrong reasons and Second she wasn't even in love with him in the first place, Third, she wanted other men and went for it(she fell in love with another man/cheated on her husband). I really dont get it either. I will always love and cherish my man. My mindset is that, God gave me this man for a reason and I'm not gonna screw his plan up. People give answers that "fit" society!!! There not right most of the time!!

Answer 2

Most women - not all of course - but most want to be married and have a family and loving marriage. Alot of women work very hard at their marriages and expect their husbands to do the same. But that is not always the case.

When the spouse has cheated - the vows have been broken. THe marriage is broken. The marriage technically is no longer a marriage because of the cheating. Once a spouse crosses that line - there were other problems to begin with before the cheating ever occured. Let me ask you this, Would you ever cheat on a woman you were truely in love with? I don't think so. The cheating is a result of a loveless marriage. When there is adultery there is no moral obligation to stay with an adulterer any way. So, if a woman is with such a man, yes I will tell her to leave him if she wants to. THe marriage is dead, there is no love and the vows are broken - the bonds of marriage are broken and the marriage is over. Some couples (very few) can overcome and heal from this situation - but that is not the kind of woman who asks Yahoo what they think. She is the kind of woman who wants the courage to leave and is seeking it from Yahoo answerers.

As far as abuse goes - just being in a loveless marriage alone is as much abuse as anyone can stand. I was in a loveless marriage and it was terrible. I felt dead inside and didn't take care of my health and myself. It was a nightmare that did not need to go on. It wasn't serving a purpose for anyone for me to stay in a loveless marriage. Just two misserable people.

Answer 3

Successful marriages are the result of choosing to love and forgive the other daily, with all of his or her imperfections. It is the ability to sacrifice that holds marriages together, not the absence of nuisances. Most couples today have no understanding of the notion of sacrifice.

The desire to "test drive" a marriage demonstrates a lack of understanding regarding what makes a marriage work. It also shows a real lack of faith in one's love for the other. In one sense, the couple is saying that they desire intimacy, but on the other hand they want to leave a way out if the partner doesn't measure up. This sows seeds of doubt and distrust from the start. Some couples seem to be under the impression that a good relationship won't have disappointments. When they marry and the disappointments come, they often bail out.

Answer 4

We are a product of our own environment. The days of our parents where marriages lasted no matter what are long gone although some still exist. The wives were dependent on their husbands income for survival whereas today both work and are no longer dependent on each other, thus marital stress is up and so are abuses, so we figure why force someone to stay in a marriage when they dont want to, so we gave them a way out ; divorce, and divorces are getting easier to get everyday. You no longer even need a reason for one, just that you can stay in your current marital arrangement. Thus too is the reason for the decline in family values and morals. All we can do is hope and pray that this changes around real quick before its too late

Answer 5

Well... I am not sure exactly what the first question was...what was she asking? What is so wrong with your marriage? Today many women are acknowledging that there are many men who are willing to treat a woman the way they like. In your case it may not be your fault...that I do not know. I can say cheating, lying, deceiving,physical and emotional abuse, Not spending quality time together, a type of guy that puts work before family are just some of the things that drive women away. Many also do not take vows like they were meant to. I wish I could help but, what ever the situation is...be in life, live it, enjoy it and have fun. Life is once and you have to treasure every moment. Take care. LL.

Answer 6

I agree with you, I think it's sad how with some couples things get a little tough and they get divoced, and if they have kids, they don't even think about what it will do to the kids. Divorce is hardest on the kids.

Alot of it has to do with our society, our society has a me first mentality, and it's made it's way into marriages. I know it's happened to me and my wife and I almost got divorced because I had gotten so selfish and put myself before her and the kids.

One thing that I think would help and if people did this, divorce wouldn't be the problem today that it is. That is stop thinking of ourselves so much. Think more of others. In our marriages, think of your partner, and of your partners feelings, if we did that, we all would have stronger marriages. Also keep the lines of communication open. One of the worst things couples can do is keep secrets from each other.

Another thing and this is for the guys, try as hard as you can NOT to critisize your wife. Instead of critisizing destructively, we need to encourage. If your constantly encouraging each other instead of putting each other down, it will make it a much happier home, and I don't know anyone who gets upset by being encouraged, personally it makes me happier.

Well that's my thoughts anyways.

Take care and God Bless

Answer 7

This is just a phase. You will soon realize that there is no point in trying to change people. Instead you have adapt to changes in life and society. Never get married, it's not the 50's anymore(like you hear women say). Women can take care of themselves, over 50% of people cheat which means that at least 1 of the 2 spouses will cheat, ... Don't fight it, accept it. We'll eventually turn into a non-marriage society, and I agree, it's sad. I know other guys and myself who will never get married due to the changes. It's gets difficult sometimes, because you still love the women.

Answer 8

Egocentrism. Everyone is so blinking concerned about themselves they do NOT consider anyone else, including their spouse, children, or family. It's me, me, me. As a result there are broken adults, children, and other family members going around asking themselves what they did wrong to deserve this. In many cases, they did nothing. Marriage is a LIFETIME commitment. You work through the problems of life (there are thousands, that's just life). You work through them TOGETHER and as a result you end up with a strong marriage. I could relate 100s of situations in my own marriage (including a child being a victim of sexual crime) but we worked through it. Divorce is many times the coward's way out (notice I said many times, not every time). Most issues CAN be solved and most marriages CAN be saved. The question is. . . will they?

Answer 9

I am going through a divorce right now that was not at all my idea. Admittedly, I did not beg him to stay and work it out when he decided to leave but now after three months apart we are both having second thoughts and are going to go to counseling. We have about five months until it will acutally be final and have found out that we can still change our minds. I don't know if we will be able to work it out but I am hopeful that we can. It's hard to make love last and harder still to let someone you love go. I would suggest for all ppl that might go through this if you have any doubts speak them before it is too late. I am glad my husband and I at least realize it now and maybe our seperation was just the reality check we needed.

Answer 10

It seems that everyone wants everything right now, and lots of things have fallen by the wayside. Nobody wants to work it out anymore, and all the old manners are gone too. I even heard people answering their cellphones and talking recently at a funeral! It5 shouldn't be impossible to divorce but why say the vows if you don't intend to do them? Isn't a vow a promise? My nephew cheated on his wife and is getting divorced. He told his wife that it wasn't his fault that he was married when he met his "soul mate"!