I split up with my husband over a month ago and we are still living in the same house as he refuses to leave until it is sold. We still have another of couple of weeks work until the house is ready to put on the market, and depending on how long it's on the market for, it could be several months until we actually part ways.
Our daughter is five and has already seen more than she should, in terms of nastiness to me from my husband, despite my best efforts. She is a happy and confident little girl who knows she is loved by everyone she meets and although I know I can't avoid the divorce hurting her, I am desperate to ensure I do my absolute best to help get her through it.
First of all, I don't know whether it would be best to tell her sooner, so she can get used to the idea, or when we put the house on the market. What do you think? And I just don't know how I'm going to tell her, any useful advice on breaking the news?
Thanks
2006-10-28 11:51:37 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am filing for divorce because my husband has emotionally, verbally and occasionally physically abused me many times in the eight years we've been together. He can also be loving and charming, and a good father which is why I have tried so hard to make my marriage work and why it took him nearly killing both of us when he crashed our car in a rage, for me to realise that his temper was getting worse not better. I love my daughter more than anything in the world and I would not break up her home if I didn't seriously fear for the future and KNOW without any doubt that I cannot stay without accepting abuse, and I am no longer willing to do that. I am already scared that she will think it's ok for Daddies to make Mummies cry by being nasty to them. I just want to be as sensitive to her needs as possible, and I am asking here because I want to cause the least damage possible.
2006-10-28 12:42:41 · update #1
I am afraid there is no easy way. I would tell her before you sell the house. If you are absolutely sure that there is nope hope for your marriage and that divorce is the only way....then about all you can do is Tell them the truth. That does not mean telling them that Mom...or Dad is a jerk and you can not live like this anymore. Just explain to them that you are BOTH not happy with the way you feel about each other....and that in NO way does this reflect on how you both feel about them. That you BOTH will ALWAYS be there for them and that you both love them very much. They will have a thousand questions for you guys and all you can do is try to answer them honestly without blaming anyone for what is happening and do not go into too much detail.
I have been on both sides of this fence...with my parents divorcing and with my kids when I got divorced....and its hard both ways. But to this day I can not forgive my mother for some of the things she said about my Dad so be careful what you say.
Best of luck....and make sure that this is the ONLY way.
2006-10-28 12:22:15 · answer #1 · answered by oldman 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think the children cant take shocks..dont tell the the day before u gettin divorced..
Mother daughter relation should be more of a friendly relation. I know it is hard but open your heart to her..dont think she is too young to know the reasons of ur divorce..it is her right although she is five..it would also give her a better understanding of whats goin on around her and it would led into better relationship.
Also tell her that u r parting cuz u dont want to fight with your husband everyday and whatever happens assure her that u and ur husband will be there for her..
It will be definitely tough for her but u will cause more trouble if u dont reveal to her wats around her..
2006-10-28 12:01:11 · answer #2 · answered by Mandy Maklina 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well! First you and your husband took a vow of commitment with each other. You have a signed agreement, until death do you part. But, with that said!
Is your husband abusive to you or you to him?
What are the grounds of divorce? You don't have to tell us, but think about it.
Only grounds legally to divorce are adultry. Is he cheating on you? You on him?
I would tell her now, not so she can get used to it, but so she knows what is really going on. She's only five, but might understand more than you think she would or does.
You didn't state where you are all living. You have NOT separated from him due to the fact you both live under the same roof. In most states, that would not fly in court.
You might be in separate beds, you didn't state. But you are still man and wife.
Good luck
Be honest and upfront with your daughter on telling her and telling her the why? Don't ever lie to her...........be totally honest.
2006-10-28 11:57:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
wait let her have her time of joy you and your husband should come to an understanding that no bad words will be spoken in front of her.when the house has been sold and the both of you are ready to get out then together you should tell her;making sure she understands that she is deeply loved by the both of you.neither one of you should say anything bad about the other to her. good luck i know it's not easy but have faith every thing will turn out all right
2006-10-28 12:03:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How mature is this 5 year old that you think she will understand what a divorce is? She already knows that the two of you are not getting along the best by the atmosphere, find ways of helping her deal with that. I wouldnt make it priority to talk to her about your "pending" divorce. The sooner your environment around her is changed to good, and loving...the better. Talk to her about how she is feeling right now while this is going on around her and help her understand that, talk to her about your divorce, when it happens.
2006-10-28 11:59:25 · answer #5 · answered by stephanie_6234 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It takes two to tango. The Kid is only five but will obviously know something is wrong. Don't tell her until you are sure the idea of divorce is permanent. Kids are smarter than most people give them credit for. You'll know the right moment. The kid has got to know its not their fault and that you both remain in the kid's life. Good luck.
2006-10-28 11:56:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just sit her down and tell that you guys are getting a divorce. Tell her the reason why and why they don't work out.
2006-10-28 11:53:45 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Choco Lover♥ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ya'll shud try 2 work out your relationships caz u no growin up wit no dad yea harsh
2006-10-28 12:04:15 · answer #8 · answered by Restricted 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She already knows that you are having problems so go ahead and let her know if you are sure.
2006-10-28 11:57:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
bad idea
2006-10-28 11:54:29 · answer #10 · answered by Navita 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋