Im a 30sh houswife married 14 years to controling, cheating husband.We dont talk ,stay in the same rooms, eat together, or go out -yet he feels we should stay for the children...
2006-10-28 11:41:13 · 32 answers · asked by t m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO!
You can still give your kids a great childhood if you two are divorced. You two just have to be civil in front of them. If you stay married to him, one day you're going to get really pissed and fed up with him and blow up on him in front of the kids or worse, take it out on the kids.
2006-10-28 11:43:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dont think the situation you describe sounds very much like a marriage to me.
It is not always right to stay in a marriage. Children do not particularly benefit from seeing this kind of situation. If he is not prepared to change or go for marriage guidance than you would be better off leaving.
You don't need to slag off your husband to your kids or say that he is a bad man. They can still have contact and live near each other. Then maybe you will both be happier and able to provide a more positive homelife for the kids.
I have friends who grew up with parents physically together in the same house but effectively leading seperate lives - some times they had gone beyound arguing to silent co-existance without communication. In many ways this was more upsetting than an actual divorce.
Amicable divorce where both parents act maturely in the best interest of the child can be more productive in these circumstances.
2006-10-28 11:45:48 · answer #2 · answered by Bebe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now I'm 21 and my parents just got divorced a few months ago. Throughout my entire life my parents have continuously fought with each other. I can't even remember the last time I saw them kiss but I remember it was because my sister asked to see it. I don't know how to express what I went through because my parents were always at each others throats. Now that my brother has graduated high school they decided they'd officially get divorced and I really wish it would have happened sooner. So many bad memories wouldn't be there and I believe I would have ultimately had a better relationship with both of them because the stress level would be so much lower. If you think your children don't know what Daddy does, or thinking they can't pick up on the tone of the household you're wrong. Make yourslef happier by not living with him anymore and make your childrens' lives better by not inloving them in the stress of falling relationship. You need to stand up for yourself and not let that jerk walk over you and since he's cheating on you the courts will give you the kids. And please listen to me about this affecting your children. God forbid they grow up with a skewed view on relationships, it's better for them to get use to the fact that mommy and daddy aren't than it is for them to know that mommy and daddy hate each other.
2006-10-28 11:54:47 · answer #3 · answered by IceyFlame 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO!!! I became pregnant at age 15 and ended up in a relationship with a guy who was very controlling , abusive , cheating and many other things. I stayed with him from the age of 15 until 20 for my son. I thought i was doing the right thing but in fact i was doing my son more harm then good. He has no time for his father , he doesn't want to see him or spend any time with him because he seen how his father treated me on a daily basis. It doesn't help them any to see you guys fighting all the time. They can tell when something isn't right and it would be better for them if both of you were happy and if that means being apart then that's what you have to do. since i left my ex my son is much better and much more lively because there isn't stress and control like there was.
2006-10-28 11:51:20 · answer #4 · answered by pammeh_2k6 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your children will feel that it's okay to take crap from people, especially from someone who is supposed to love them, honor and obey them.
Is that what kind of relationship you want your children to have when they have a spouse?
So, regardless if you sit around the house with that person, the kids dont learn how real couples should love and respect and be kind to each other...they'll go through bad relationships for years to come because they never learned what a good relationship feels like, or looks like.
Youre still young and have a chance to find a really great husband and step father to your kids. Good luck and peace.
2006-10-28 11:53:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
How do you think your children are being affected by this type of relationship? You are teaching them that this is how married life is suppose to be. Don't you think that they would benefit more from seeing you happy (even if that meant divorcing or being with someone else)? Children are resiliant. They will recover faster than you. Don't allow your children to see you being abused (mentally or physically). They will grow up either hating their father or treating the person they are with the same way because thats all they know. What does it matter what he feels? He feels he should cheat on you, is that right? Be smart and save your childrens future.
2006-10-28 11:50:26 · answer #6 · answered by shellese2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your children will forgive you. Your life isn't over yet- the marriage really doesn't sound very good, and you shouldn't be forced to give up a happy life so they'll avoid a hard situation. Yes, a lot of kids take it hard and can mess up, but even more end up just fine. I'd say get out of there, just try and really explain to your kids that it you are BOTH really sad and it's better for mom AND dad both!
2006-10-28 11:49:24 · answer #7 · answered by love this site! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, not only is it not good for you - but because it is not good for you it is not good for your children. Your children can feel what is happening in your marriage whether you ever tell them anything at all about your problems with your husband or not. They may even repeat the same patterns of you marriage in their own marriages when they are older because they are learning from the example of marriage that they are living with - not the ideal ones they see on TV.
Your marriage is already dead - and now you are just trying to exist in the midst of your corpse of a marriage. The marriage is already over and you need to decide whether or not to get distance from it and make for yourself a new and better life. You are still young - still able to meet someone new and re-marry. What about when you are 40 or 50 - what then will you do? You need to start making the moves to separate from your dead marriage.
I didn't pursue my divorce and was outright against it morally - but I am so glad he left me for another woman and we got the divorce. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. The marriage was dead for at least 7 of the 9 years we had and now I am with the love of my life - my soul mate. What a blessing to be able to start over - and I'm in my mid 30's too. Don't wait till your old to get out - do it now while you still have some life in your bones. You ask this question today because you know you want to leave him and you need the guts to do it. It's up to you now.
2006-10-28 11:52:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you won't be able to save your own happiness in this marriage. you at the instantaneous are not chuffed! you're contained in the marriage for the incorrect reason. Your baby will comprehend and the consistent struggling with will damage the youngster more effective in case you stay. you may want to go away in case you do not love her. not in any respect stay married because of toddlers. you are able to be a good father without residing there.
2016-12-05 08:07:22 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, I got married when I was very young, had two kids from that marriage and I sword I would never divorced the father, seven years after we got married It was the best decision I took, see...I come from a broken marriage my father left us when I was 5 years old, but I still remember how nasty my parents were, they fought and scream and all that, it took me a while to understand that when you don't get along with your partner is better pack your things and move out, kids are more susceptible to the homes where there is no love, even if you don't fight in front of your children...they know , and eventually you are hurting them more than if you would have moved out. A child will be happier if he sees his mother and father happy even though living apart than if he sees that cold and estrange relationship, where there is no love at all.
2006-10-28 12:01:27 · answer #10 · answered by fun 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO NO, NO. Do not, I mean, do not do that. Don't pay any attention to leazngurl, the girl with the first answer. She's probably too young and doesn't know s#^t from shineola. And I'm sure she doesn't know the expression either. I did for years, and the day I saw what it was doing to my daughter, the constant arguments and fights. When you feel forced into a relationship you are going to feel trapped, and the problems are going to aggravate.
2006-10-28 12:09:45 · answer #11 · answered by Jorge S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋