My ex wife dosent see this as a problem, she encourages herto bring the baby over, instead of helping her to get used to it..
what I see is my 22 year old whot insisted on having the baby, now not wanting to bond with the baby, the same way she did the puppy she insisted of having, then gave away.
Will this affect the baby as he grows up, will this result in lack of good parenting on my daughters part. she has all the excuses , like, I work so hard, he keeps me awake, wants to play at night, I need some time to myself, extra sleep.
To me this is two quality days, saturday, sat night and sunday she does not spend with her baby son.
Am I over reacting, this happens every weekend since she moved out on her own 4 weeks ago, she previously live with my ex wife .
I believe my ex wife is teaching her the wrong thing, I know she wants to spend time with the baby, but I see two selfish women and a little baby being robbed of his time with his mother
2006-10-28 11:41:07 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Wow - I think you're being a little harsh, raising a child is a hard job and if you can offer your daughter a reprieve on the weekend so she can re-energise then you're also offering her child a well-rested mother. I think you need to help as much as you can, by doing so she will have a better chance at bonding and taking the best possible care of her child during the week because she is not on the edge of what she is able to cope with.
2006-10-28 14:03:44 · answer #1 · answered by jbabee22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've dealt with raising my children by myself more often than not. Since my husband is army and has been gone 3 years out of the last 6 on top of hardship tours. It's tough and I totally understand she needs a break.
However - that being said - it sounds as though she needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Does she work? If she doesn't I can totally understand the need for a greater break on the weekends. If she does work then she's getting a break from parenting during work hours as well as the weekend - and it would seem as though the ex-wife is doing all of the caring. But at the same time she could use a break because lord knows we all need one whether we work or not.
Has she bonded with the child at all? Is she experiencing perhaps post-partum depression thtat hasn't been diagnosed and treated?
You could on one hand tell her to suck it up, put on her big girl panties and deal with it. But I actually believe she may have depression issues - and that might harm the child. In which case your ex-wife and your care of the child as much as possible is the best thing in the world for that little boy.
They say it takes a village to raise a child and that is very true - especially when it's obvious the parent needs help.
I think you're doing a fantastic job! There should be more grandparents like you around!!! Bravo!
2006-10-28 19:50:19 · answer #2 · answered by G M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was faced with the same problem when my daughter had her first child. She was married, but they split when the child was 18 months old. She and the baby moved to their own appartment, she worked and her Dad and I kept the baby all the time. When she got off work, she had fifteen things to do or just needed some "free" time to go out with her friends. Well, it came to the point that my husband and I had our granddaughter 24/7 and as a result, we (I especially) bonded with the baby and she started calling me "mommy". When the baby was three, my daughter remarried, but by that time we still had her 24/7 and she cryed everytime her Mom would pick her up to go with her for a short visit. All this went on until our granddaughter was almost seven and her Mom wanted her full time. Let me tell you....that was the hardest thing I ever had to do, give her back, it was like loosing my own child! It devastated the child too! The worst part about all of this is that my daughter had another child and another divorce and both her children were back with my husband and I off and on for the next 15 years.
You can't force a woman to be a good mother and take responsibility for her own children, believe me, my husband and I tried everything we could think of to make her wake up.
For the childs sake all you can do is be there for them, give them a loving home to feel safe and secure in and hope that your daughter grows up one day.
My situation may be different from yours, and I pray that it is.....but that's how it starts...........I'm tired...I need some sleep...I need some "free" time...
Bottom line is the welfare of the child!
2006-10-28 19:57:54 · answer #3 · answered by KieKie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think that you're overreacting. You're reacting quite well if you ask me. I sounds as though she wasn't quite ready to handle the responsibility of being a mother. She doesn't seem to understand that is isn't a part-time position, to take a break from at your leisure; for her on the weekends. Her son needs her now and she has to understand that this is important to her son not just to her. Her son didn't ask to be born, (you said) she insisted on having him. Once a woman becomes a mother she must understand what that means in all aspects of her and that childs' life. It isn't like buying a purse and returning it after a few days because you simply don't want it anymore. She should have thought about what becoming a mother would mean and thought about what she may have to sacrifice for that child. Tell her what you and her mother sacrificed for her benefit and not you and her mothers' benefit. Your ex-wife may be encouraging it for many reasons but it does seem that she is encouraging it. They both seem to be selfish in that the child will suffer due to his mothers' indifference toward him. She loves him I'm sure but not enought to give up what she thinks is still important to her. I have a 13 year old daughter and I tell her all the time that if a woman isn't ready to become a mother, then she shouldn't. That there are ways to prevent it until you become ready. Babies are one of the greatest gifts we can share but it shouldn't be shared or treated lightly. It should preserved until ready to share and enjoy. I hope I've helped in some way and I wish you and your family well.
2006-10-28 18:58:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everything you are saying. Your daughter needs to either have some help with the baby during the week at her house while she's there too, or just suck it up and start being a better mother on her own. Would it be possible for her to move back in with you two? Is the baby's father in the picture and able to help? Maybe your wife could go to her house a couple days per week to help with laundry or cleaning or cooking so your daughter can spend quality time with the baby...and grandma gets her share too.
2006-10-28 18:47:53 · answer #5 · answered by animal_mother 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a wonderful thing that your ex-wife is doing for your daughter and grandchild. I am a mom of two boys who are 3 and 2 years old. My husband is in Afghanistan. The Army has kept us separated on and off for 3 years. I am going cuckoo. I really wish I had family nearby who can give me a break and it would be wonderful if my kids could spend some time with their grandparents/aunts/cousins. Before I had kids, I hated to hear those mothers who complain about how hard it is to raise kids. I thought that they were just giving excuses, much like you think of your daughter. But now that I am a mom, I see how hard it is. Everything seems like a struggle. It's the hardest job I've ever done in my whole life. It's a great thing that your daughter has her mom to help, and I know your ex-wife really enjoys being a granny. Everybody wins in this situation.
2006-10-28 18:49:51 · answer #6 · answered by Butterfly Princess 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First the fact she moved out on her own is a good sign. I was a mother at 20 so I know what she is going through. Her actions doesn't mean she doesn't love him or want to bond with him. I was lucky to have the father around to help when my daughter was young, however when she was 2 we split up for a year and that was the hardest year of my life. It is a very big adjustment to having someone there to help you then having to do it all on your own. Unless she starts to bring him over during the week or acts distant to him I wouldn't worry. She is young and may start to resent him if she is unable to still have time for herself. I did the same thing and it took my mother pointing this out to me before I understood what she was thinking. My daughter is 4 now and is very well adjusted with a great relationship with all 3 sets of grandparents.
2006-10-28 18:56:54 · answer #7 · answered by veronica_pilcher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will not affect the baby as long as your daughter is giving him attention, and the things he needs on a regular basis. It is nice that your ex wife wants to spend time with the baby....but every weekend is too much! Your daughter was the one who got pregnant and had the baby, it's her responsibility. It would be beneficial for her to spend time with the baby like you said, they will be quality days for them to bond. And your ex wife can take the baby maybe only one day a week, and then once every other week!
2006-10-28 18:45:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe EX-wife, means that. Honestly, it sounds like it could be improved, BUT, reality is~~it is between the EX and the Child.
A much simpler way would be just for the ex to baby sit a few hours in the a.m. so she can get a few extra ZZZZZ's. Or the three of them go shopping etc.
Grandma needs to show her to be responsible, not to enable her behavior.
But, really you do need to keep out of it.
Good Luck, and Congrad's
2006-10-28 18:49:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are right. She is the babys mother and she needs to take responsability for that baby. Its ok if she takes care of the baby every once in a while, but not every day or weekend. She has to take care of her responsabilities and her mother to stop letting get manipulated.
2006-10-28 18:52:33 · answer #10 · answered by boricua_chick_21 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋