My best friend lost her daughter almost 2 years ago. Now she is married to a good guy who takes care of her son she already had and their daughter they had together. She is just now being affected by the death of her daughter and she has been very suicidal. They put her in a mental hospital and she is now feeling alot better but she wants to divorce her husband and get rid of her kids. Never wanting to see them again. I know how it feels to be abandoned by my mom. I hate her for it now. My friend keeps asking me for advice and i don't know what to say. I want her to be happy but i don't want her kids and her husband to be messed up forever because she is being selfish and just doesn't want to be tied down anymore. And i know she doesn't because she has cheated on her husband 3 times now and they have just been together a little over a year. any advice on what to say to her.
2006-10-28 09:06:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe you can sit her down and communicate with her about this. I don't think she is thinking straight about things. I know how it is to have something happen to you that affects you for life and is like a trauma that doesn't go away. what I would probably tell her is to take a deep breath and realize how things are now.
Chances are she's living in the past and wondering what life would have been like if her daughter were still alive (and I can't blame her for this because I would do the same if I were put in her shoes). But I think she needs to realize the current situation at hand and realize that she's making things worse than they already are. She already lost her daughter, losing herself is only going to make things worse and there's no need to put her family through that trauma. Her daughter will always remain inside her heart no matter what and one day she will be reunited with her. But I think in the meantime, she needs to think straight and take a look at what's going on now. She's got a son, and a daughter and they can be a big part of her life if she will let them. She's a good person and she's got the right to worry about her daughter, but she's also got to think about what she does have, and that's a loving husband, and two loving kids. There's still a lot that she has that a lot of other people would give everything in the world to have.
P.S. I'm really sorry about your friend. It's really hard for me to say anything because I don't know what it's like to lose a child but I hope that my advice will be useful somewhat. She just needs to be reminded of the things that she does have.
2006-10-28 09:14:41 · answer #1 · answered by ravensfan172003 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This puts you in a tough situation, because she probably doesn't want to hear the truth. Depression is particularly terrible because it not only affects the person who suffers from depression, but also from those around her/him.
In the case of your friend, I think there's more going on than just depression. She may have some PTSD as well. But, she is also very selfish. Does her husband know that she has cheated on him, or is he oblivious to all of that?
While it would be bad on the children for her to leave, it might be worse on them if she stays, at least in her present condition. She's not interested in taking care of her children, or in being the wife and mother she should be. Unless she gets counseling and deals with her problems, she will make everyone around her miserable.
2006-10-28 09:20:41 · answer #2 · answered by southronstatesman 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a therapist. But, she is definately needing some counseling. To me it sounds like maybe when shes started coming to terms with the loss of her little one that she has put the blame on herself. Or on her husband.
Could she maybe be blaming herself and thinking that for some reason she shouldnt be around her husband and kids? That maybe if she wasnt around them they might not get hurt? I really dont know. And its never an easy thing to have insight on what a person is feeling or thinking. I do know from experience that most women when they lose a child whether newborn or 1 or 5 or 10 will feel like its their fault somehow. The well maybe if I had only done this or maybe if I hadn't done that?
Try to talk to her. And have her husband joing you. Let her know how worried you are about her and that you care about her. As far as her seeking counseling, well, she has to want that and she has to be able to listen to the therapist. You can get the best therapist in the world for someone but they can only help someone if they are willing to listen and be objective........
2006-10-28 09:20:13 · answer #3 · answered by smilingeyes_976 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should get your friend to understand the need for the help of professional mental health staff and make she understands why she needs to stay on her medication. When people experience a tragedy like you friend did in losing her daughter, sometimes they are not emotionally able to handle it, so she is pushing everyone away from her that she needs most. Maybe you could point out how awful it was for her to lose her daughter and then ask her to imaging how awful it would be for her other two children t o lose their sister AND their mother! It is even worse when the children know their mother is alive is choosing to not see them, that is the ultimate rejection!
2006-10-28 09:12:14 · answer #4 · answered by hargonagain 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your friend needs counselling and treatment for depression. It can take a long time to come to terms with the loss of a child. But she shouldn't take it all out on her husband and other kids. Her husband also should be supportive of her in this difficult time.
2006-10-28 09:09:30 · answer #5 · answered by Blue Jean 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
pray for your friend.
right now her presence messes up the family even more. i dont think shes selfish, shes just in no condition to take care of anybody now. she hastnt gotten over this death, she needs counseling badly. dont pressure her, she already must feel bad for messing everything.
if she divorces and gets rid of the kids shell feel even worse as time goes by, thats why she needs counseling to help her cope. take suicidal threaths seriously, maybe another visit to the hospital is needed.
2006-10-28 09:12:32 · answer #6 · answered by cruzanglero 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a really bad situation to be in. You never know what is going on chemically with people. You can offer advice, but it may not be well received. Tell her how you feel and why. She might get a different take on things. I pray it works out for you.
2006-10-28 09:09:57 · answer #7 · answered by lyrical 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs help. more than likely she needs to go back to the hospital, get on medication, and get some counseling. there are issues going on with her right now that have no one around her can help her with. she is trying to self destruct. talk to her husband. i have a feeling she is try ing to get rid of everyone around her so she doesn't feel so guilty when she commits suicide.
2006-10-28 09:10:38 · answer #8 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is sitll not recover
her wanting to give up on everything she has is a sign that she is still hurting or blaming herself for the lost of the child
Your friend truly need to have more counsoling and to stay in her marriage while she gets that counsoling
I hope she listen to you
Good luck
2006-10-28 09:13:19 · answer #9 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does not sound like you can help her and perhaps the best thing would be for her to get a divorce and go away....
2006-10-28 09:14:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋