This guy I've just started talking to (and REALLY like) has obviously picked this other girl over me. She's gorgeous, brilliant, original, confident. Since I realized I no longer have a shot with him, I feel like I'm constantly comparing myself to this amazing girl and coming up short. How do I deal with these destructive feelings of inadequacy in relation to her, and stop trying to "prove my worth" to him (and to myself)?
2006-10-28 08:57:17 · 6 answers · asked by vanillamist 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
The best thing for you to do, avoid both of them. You will be surprised how they will pick up on your jealousy. Once you have kept your distance and this feeling stops, you may find that this girl is not as brilliant as you believed. It is all in the perception.
2006-10-28 09:05:24 · answer #1 · answered by mimi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, if this guy has found his heart with this girl there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. But you must remember this: Even if she is "gorgeous, brilliant, original and confident," she could be a real ***** to live with, have no common sense, or no table manners! Just because he's smitten with her now is no guarantee that the relationship will last. Just keep being yourself.
You must retain as much of yourself as you can under ANY circumstances. If you always show exactly who you are, someone will find you some day... and call you "gorgeous, brilliant, original and confident." You don't have to "prove your worth" to anyone but yourself. If you are happy with who you are, then let it be. Otherwise, make the necessary changes.
Based on personal experience, I can honestly assure you that the most attractive (looking) people are not the most attractive (real) people. I know. I'm breaking up with one now. (AND I FEEL GREAT!)
Kabum
2006-10-28 09:12:09 · answer #2 · answered by kabum 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is within your circumstances to avoid the two... go with that. Distance can give you clarity and the ability to focus more on YOU and how terrific you are... should you not being able to avoid them (this is gonna sound sooooo POLLYANNA... but I've been there and it WORKED)... go with the feelings you have about them that are positive... you describe her with very admirable traits... she actually sounds like someone you could learn to like. Also consider that maybe why you can see such great things in her is because you share the same traits. Some times there is just no comparison or competition unless YOU create it. It would be a riot to learn she feels the same about you. This could the opportunity for you to make two very good friends rather than to breed animosity... all it takes, my friend, is a thought... no magic, no medication, nothing you can buy, steal, or borrow... it's all up to you to THINK of them in the positive and to THINK about yourself in the same way... you may not be the one for this guy... but with that new positive outlook on life... you sure real attract the right guy for YOU.
2006-10-28 09:28:31 · answer #3 · answered by wonderful1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're all those issues which you append to the different woman. seem at it this type: He replaced into challenged with making a call between 2 stunning, remarkable, unique, optimistic females. some thing had to tip the soundness in the different woman's choose, some thing you had no administration over. Your turn to have an extremely large guy will are available in time, merely no longer this time.
2016-12-28 07:16:47 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a skill called, letting go of one's negative emotions. It is a good one to learn. An exercise is to visualize the emotions in a balloon or clowd and letting the balloon/cloud float away.
2006-10-28 09:03:46 · answer #5 · answered by Clown Knows 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should just try to get rid of all negative thoughts in your mind and think about all the good things about yourself and soon you'll find yourself not even thinking about them.
2006-10-28 10:07:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋