U seem to carry this into a new relationship and into a new marriage. Wouldnt give my current wife up for anything in this world.
2006-10-28 08:01:59 · 14 answers · asked by quinton p 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Old baggage contaminates existing as well as new relationships.
The key to dropping it off is to look at for what it is. Carying baggage is like picking up poop and putting it in your pocket.
The rules of baggage are as follows.
*Know what's in your bag. We all have a past and we have to accept that about each other. Wisdom comes from taking responsibility for your contribution to the failure of a past relationship.
*Carry your own bag. It's not fair to drop it in her path and expect her to carry it for you. She is not responsible for the actions of your ex, so don't make her responsible with your suspicion or doubt.
*We all get only one bag. Lighten the load so you won't need a uhaul. Let go of blaming your ex for how you felt about what they did. You are responsible for your own feelings.
Forgive your ex for her shortcomings (lack of integrity, dishonesty, poor decisions and poor coping skills). Forgive yourself for whatever you did (same things, making excuses for her, yourself).
Thank your ex for the experience. You have learned more about yourself. You have learned more about what you want, you need, what you will not accept, and what you are willing to give.
Be grateful that it is all in the past. Be grateful for your freedom and wisdom. Be grateful for the experience (builds character).
Be grateful that she has become someone else's problem to deal with now.
Get back at her by not letting the breakup destroy you.
Get back at her by losing the bitterness, dropping off the baggage. Give it no time or energy.
Get back at her by improving your life without her in it. Do things you always wanted to do but couldn't when she was around.
Let go of the past. You have no more unfinished business. Give 100% of yourself to your new wife. Make her a priority, not just another option. Never make her sit in the backseat so your baggage can ride shotgun. It's not fair to her.
In the future, take responsibility for your own feelings. Understand that your perception doesn't equal someone else's intent. Understand that we all think we are right. Understand that empathy is the bridge that closes the gaps in our understanding of one another. Seek to understand before expecting to be understood. Be willing to give your partner what you want from them. Do it without exception or expectation. That way, it always comes back to you. That makes it earned.
2006-10-28 08:34:35 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get over the feelings of hurt, the rest will go away too.
You should be happy that u found ur current wife and shouldnt think about ur past, its gone. Let it go. Or you will spoil ur current relationship too.
Start anew. Maybe ur wife is the reward u got for all ur suffering & u werent meant to be with ur ex anyways, think of it this way. If u 'd still been with her, how would u have found ur current wife, huh
2006-10-28 08:12:58 · answer #2 · answered by saltnsaffron 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its because you have never forgiven your ex wife. If you are happily re married then you need to choose to forgive your ex. Move on. You are only hurting yourself and your current relationship by not letting go. Why do you want to be angry and bitter about something that is over and done with. You can never change it. Forgive, forget and go on in the present time making yourself and your new wife happy. Free your mind to fill it up with happy new memories.
2006-10-28 08:11:21 · answer #3 · answered by rufi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why wouldn't the feelings linger... most people remember pain and damage that has been done, and sometimes more than they remember all the good things and good times they had with the previous relationship. its hard to just let go even though that is what is necesary... just be careful about the way you treat your new spouse, and be sure to not take things out on her that are really feelings stemming from your previous relationship.
and continue to be aware and work through the negative feelings and hurt that you have experienced.
if you feel like it is effecting you too much, then see a counselor or therapist to see if that will help you work through your negative emotions from past experiences.
2006-10-28 08:10:30 · answer #4 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does , if you let it .
Let go already !!!!!!!!
Your wife isn't your Ex , YET .
But she will be , if you don't let the past , stay in the past .
How would you react if your wife acted the way you do to her , because of a past marriage / Relationship .
You would tell her : I'm not him , Don't act as if I'm going to do what he did .
Well , that how you wife feels .
The soon you live for the future , the sooner the BOTH of you will be alot happier .
2006-10-28 12:41:55 · answer #5 · answered by shawn_lamprecht 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cuz u stil living in the past. You been hurt and let it be. time heels it might leave sum feelings at the end but ignore it. You have to know its over and its time for a new start. IF you carry this feelings along with you than u will never have a happy marriage ....just tri to let go of the past. Learn how to 4give and 4get....
2006-10-28 08:19:05 · answer #6 · answered by ceci 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey i've been hurt my whole marriage life with my husband and its still isn't approving. I don't know why i put up with his bull Sh*t, but i just can't find myself to leave, cause i love him too much. But all the bad memories keep following me, and i can never forget it, maybe i just don't want to. Its hard to forget the pain, but it'll fade away in time.
2006-10-28 08:06:26 · answer #7 · answered by Girlish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband was unfaithful, the suspicion that I carry with me now is that I don't want it done to me again.
Trust is still an issue for me.
2006-10-28 08:14:04 · answer #8 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as the ex is still alive the feeling will never leave. Might be time to take care of business....
2006-10-28 08:04:50 · answer #9 · answered by santo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to let the past go and concrete on who you are with today and know that your current wife who you love would not do that to you
2006-10-28 08:13:12 · answer #10 · answered by AngelVirgo9206 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋