serious question?

Question

I have been married for 7yrs to my husband. we got married after i had my daughter by him we haven't been dating a long before i got prenant. Now we got three kids together. my problem is i feel like there no love and affection in the marriage i don't enjoy sex because i'm alway force in to it. No passion. I love him but I also what to feel love as well he tell me he love me but it don't feel real. He put everything before me as far as Job&Business. He just take care need of the house and put money in my hand so that it will keep me happy. But the happiness don't last long. I tried talking to him about it. But is seems as if he don't take my words serious. I try everything. yes I prayed to God. But at the same time I'm tired of crying and wait for him to come around I'm ready to leave the marriage. what will you do in this situation.

Answer 1

Start putting money aside for the inevitable. You want to be safe rather than sorry. Start looking for positive influence friends. Look out for you and release guilt about the children (making yourself happy is the best thing that you could do for them). Do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy!! Read the book "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting" Best book you could get ahold of right now, honestly. And then you need to determine what the life you want, looks like.

You can email me [e-mail]

Answer 2

Been there more than a dozen times. Most men honestly believe money, needs of the house and saying I love u is more than enough. It seems that once they have chosen to be married the other little things don't seem to matter as much.
The only thing to try is to narrow down what affection you need on a daily basis,weekly basis or monthly basis and ask him if he can try meeting your need. A daily thing could be giving you a hug and kiss when he gets home, a weekly thing like going out for supper, show with no kids and a monthly thing going away for the night (no kids) .When he does try some of the things thank him and hopefully he'll continue.
I know it's hard and have been in your place many, many times but to date (over fifteen years) things have gotten better but you have to keep at it only because men are not that swift in this area. Good luck

Answer 3

It seems to me that he may have married you just because you were pregnant. He probably loves you but is not "in" love with you. Men sometimes think that the only way to a woman's heart is by giving her the material things and they forget that we need much, much more. We want to know that they think we are beautiful and that it is not just the money but the small things. If he wont listen why not try doing or saying the things to him that you want to hear from him. Do the little things that he like s and see if he catches on. If not suggest couples counseling. Marriage takes A LOT of work and I am sure you know this, if you feel it's worth fighting for than by all means fight. However if you don't feel that it's worth it than I would say leave and find yourself and then find yourself someone who will love and treat you the way that you deserve. Maybe if you leave he will realize what he is missing and if he doesn't then to h*ll with him. You know what they say "If you love something set it free, and if it comes back then it was meant to be". I wish you the best of luck and I hope that he gets his act together before it's too late.

Answer 4

That is a really hard thing to answer! I have been there and asked the same thing! and all I got was fallow your heart!! God I hate it when ppl tell me that! Life is way to short to be unhappy and you have kids they see it too and this makes them unhappy. If you cant make eachother happy then you should part friends if possible!
Try this sit him down and tell him not to talk till you are done, tell him everything you are felling and need and them tell him if you dont see the change or atleast an effort to change you are leaving!
But heres the hard part if he says no you have to be ready for that and be ready to go dont let him think you are bluffing this is a bad thing you have to mean it when you say it
And yes it will be hard but so is always feeling like you are just a toy at bed time!!
I dont care what any man trys to tell you, No means just that NO. Not keep trying or maybe I just need coaxing, or if you keep it up long enough Ill just give in... No it means NO I dont want to!!
It is not you duty as a wife, it is not a requierment.
Men need to understand we like sex yes! But we like to make our men happy cause they do us. ANd if we are not happy with them or in generall the last thing we want to do is be intimate or maybe thats just me!
Well I hope this helps and I wish you luck!

Answer 5

My wife & I were married under similar circumstances to yours. On Nov 2nd we will celebrate 36 yrs of marriage. It hasn't been a blissfull or perfect time, but we both stuck it out so far, & when there was trouble we both came together & worked it out eventually. I guess the best way to describe it, is when one of us recognised that there was trouble then that person would squawk, & the other one would listen, & we would do whatever it takes to work through it.
Communication is the key!
Take a look at this website & see if you can let it help you.

http://www.relationshipjourney.com/dialtips.html

Please read it over carefully with your husband & give it a try. Even if your 1st attempt is clumsy & you both may feel a little foolish, I can guarantee you will still come out with a feeling like you were actually HEARD. When is the last time that happened?
You can go to a marriage councellor, & you will still be given the same exercise to do with your husband in one form or another.
If he doesn't play along with you on this attempt, then you ought to still give marriage councelling a try, before you are ready to give up completely.

Answer 6

I am actually in the same situation. I am scared to divorce and everyone that answered...will say leave him but I know it's easier said then done. We have two kids together. I feel trapped. I have been a stay at home mom for almost 4 years and I worked the first year of our marriage. I dont want to leace cause in the bible it says not to leave unless he has committed adultry or he has died. I dunno...I wish I could tell what the answer is, but you will find it. Just keep praying that is what I am doing. I hope I helped you out. If you ever want to talk my email is [e-mail]

Answer 7

Nah, don't end your marriage, and don't plan on god fixing your life. Things wear out -- cars, teeth, carpeting, and yes, marriages. Yours is a typical problem -- the spark is gone, and he doesn't find that much of a problem even if he recognizes that you do. But things can get fixed, too. Get into counseling. Tell him you are going -- that he and the two of you and your marriage mean too much to you to just bail without some evaluation. Tell him it is important, and you want him to go too..... That you know that things could be better. And if he won't go, then go yourself!!!!! A few sessions will clear up your options, and you might find out a few things you never considered. Stop the crying, and the praying stuff, hon --- worthless waste of energy, and get some professional to help you with issues....

Answer 8

Alot of ppl feel that way around the 7 yr. I did too. What I would suggest is to try to make your man happy and I know this sounds stupid but trust me it works! Go out of you way to make affection b/t you and your husband and eventually passion will develop. If there was love once its still there - just lost right now. Remember, you have to give to receive. Give it a try what do you have to lose? It worked for me (I thought it was crazy too) We've been married for 10 yrs now. Good Luck !

Answer 9

First, give your husband some credit for trying to do right by you and the kids. Second, realize that Dad is incredibly important for your children. If he is at all engaged with your children, and is not abusive towards them, they need him to stay with you and vice versa. Too many people are putting their own happiness before the needs of the children. I know it is incredibly difficult at times, but being a parent means sacrificing our own happiness sometimes. Third, realize that we must use tact and grace in the way we approach our husbands with our need. It he feels you are accuising him of weakness and failure it will cause him to withdraw more. Men's egos are very fragile. When you share with him, sandwich your frustrations in praise. Fourth, do not look to your husband to provide your happiness. It is entirely possible to be upbeat and happy even if you are not in a fulfilling and emotionally satisfying relationship. Too many women expect a man to make them happy. Frankly, most men cannot do so. They have their own problems. I think you are moving in the right direction in praying and asking God for His perspective on the situation. Remember, marriage is not necessarily to make us happy all the time, but to grow us up and teach us who God wants us to be.

Answer 10

not all men but a lot of men don't pay attention until you make good on your threat, try and talk to him once more and if that doesn't work have your bags at the door the next time he is coming home from work and explain to him how you can't stay where you are not happy, him seeing those bags at the door should open his eyes and then he might take heed to what you are saying and try to straighten up and fly right.