As mothers they are good, but why do they generally become bad as a mother-in-law? Is it a curable disease?

Question

This has been a universal problem. These mothers can be good to their sons, but really bad to their daughters-in-law.
Why? There might be some exceptions, but generally this is true. Can there be a solution? This problem is prevailing from ages. We should put an end to this.

Answer 1

The problem is more of psychological than of matrimonial. Nobody make an issue when a new born baby is greeted with the same disapporval from his or her elders in the family. The whole society eyes with the same disapproval when the husband runs an affair with an another woman with his wife alive and present and vice versa. The disapproval of the same sex in this case owes its origin to Sigmund Freudian theory oedipus complex in human beings. Being mother close to the son in the family and father closer to the daughter, the mother prone to hate anyone who robs of her possession. In this case the daughter in law in the mother in law's eyes a psychological robber who steals her possession. I would further see this scenario in the context of 'transactional analysis' well explained by Thomas Harris. In every person one can see a 'child ego', an 'adult ego' and a 'parent ego'. In the case mother in law versus daughter in law I see a child ego in the mother in law and at the same time an 'adult ego' in the new bride. The two always clash. In cases where a child ego is met with a parent ego such as the father in law meeting the new daghter in law the scenario is not as bad as in the case of mother in law versus daughter in law. The solution as explained above one should understand the issue in detail and never unleash an ego trip amongst family members. If one is adopting a child ego approach to an another the other should always go soft 'parental' and stand resolved. Problem would always be solved. Hope that solves the problem in your question. I charge 10 points for this answer. Would you kindly pay in kind? thanks.

Answer 2

The problem is of recent origin after sharda act was brought into force by the Britishers. In olden days the daughters were married at a very early age like 9 to 11 and sent away to their in-Law's house . She used to grow up there and learn the customs and manners of the house where she is married.she learn-ed to accept the authority of the elders of house and got assimilated into it. Now the whole concept has changed girls are educated employed ,fitted into a career and then married. First thing she can think of is a separate home of hers. She wants the husband entirely for herself. Here is where the problem comes. The mother who brought up her son in a particular way understanding his strength and weaknesses finds it difficult to the changes ordered by her daughter in law in the personality of her son.
Daughter in law doe not want the mother in law and vice verse. The poor husband becomes the dholak for both.
The only way the problem could be solved is to educate mothers that your duty as a mother is over the day you marry your son . After that try to be away from his life excepting for reciving namaskar and giving blessings.

Answer 3

Many women fear the loss of control and shift of power that marriage inevitably produces. Their ability to cope with that change will determine whether they will be a good or evil mother-in-law. If the person is generally laid back and doesn't try to change others, then that person should do fine, otherwise she may want to get some therapy before the big day.

Answer 4

It's not a disease.Actually the mother in laws don't want to adjust with her daughter in law.They thought that the girl which is married to their son is not the part of their family but is a servant. Mostly those ladies are bad mother-in-laws ,who don't have a daughter.

Answer 5

The always feel they are in competition with the son or daughter in law. That usually gets fixed when the marriage breaks up, and that seems to be the only cure that works.

Answer 6

You are right there can be some mother-in-laws from hell! They own their sons and never let them grow up! As far as being good mothers_I don't think so because they never cut the apron strings!

Answer 7

You're right. My mother-in-law hates my guts. I think in a mommy's eyes nobody is good enough for their baby boy. Good thing everyone knows she's a psycho so no one takes her seriously.

Answer 8

Maybe it is because the dil's are looking for another Mother and OF COURSE you only have one!@

Answer 9

yes i call them monsters in laws, i have one she hates me and really disrespected me and offended me in so many ways finnaly i broke my communication with her and her daughter.

Answer 10

No...I'm afraid its incurable...just like, say, and rotten arm, or something similar.