Should I hold on to a broken marriage or fix it?

Question

My husband and I argue constantly and it's starting to take a toll on me. I'm frankly tired of all the bickering and name calling. We've been married for three years and we have a daughter together. She is the only reason why we are still together. He is a good father but that is the only thing he does well. I don't want to leave but I don't want to stay.

Answer 1

You want to try everything before you split so would he consider going to marriage counseling? You need a professional to try and sort out all the problems you are having.
If that does not work then at least by going to counseling you can figure out a civilized way to separate and keep things as normal as possible for the sake of your daughter. You know that it is not good for your child to have her grow up in a household with warring words all around. I would be better to live with two parents who get along separate than two who are always fighting together.

Answer 2

Keep these points in mind: It doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong. And even if you are right about something, sometimes it pays to be wronged just to keep the peace in the marriage. It may be hard to control your tongue because of the way you were raised, or because of some other reason, but it is possible to watch your speech. Avoid insulting each other, because these things can erode the relationship even further. Instead of focusing on what one of you said to hurt the other, forgive what's been said and move on (and yes, forgiving includes forgetting; don't constantly bring up old stuff). Don't refuse to talk to each other by giving each other the cold shoulder or silent treatment; that only makes things worse. Leave the scene, calm down, and then come back and speak with each other RESPECTFULLY. If it's too hard to handle, and all of this doesn't work, don't be too proud to get counseling. But, please, don't give up on each other just yet. Focus on what caused you to fall in love with each other in the first place. Remember the good times you had with each other, and recapture those moments. Draw closer instead of further apart. Keep praying with each other and if you have Bibles, study it together. Trust me, it helps! Marriage is a gift; don't just throw it away.

Answer 3

I am of the same position. My husband and I quarrel almost everyday The days we don't quarrel is when he's not home.. He drove me to another man's arms but we are still together because of my kids and we'ave been married for 10 years. If you have kids, there' no two ways about it. Why should the children suffer because of mistakes that adult make? For your child's sake, try to live your life the best you can and that means, have faith that time will show you the way. When your child grows up, she will respect and love you even more because she's seen you go through all this. When that happens, you would see the light. It would be worth your wait for staying. Good luck and hang in there foryour child's sake.

Answer 4

"My husband and I argue constantly and it's starting to take a toll on me. I'm frankly tired of all the bickering and name calling. We've been married for three years and we have a daughter together. She is the only reason why we are still together. He is a good father but that is the only thing he does well."

That said it all. Does your daughter deserve to be brought up in that household learning what she see's so that when she is older she will accept the verbal abuse a man gives her? Or does she deserve her parents to be happy living apart? If your not happy your daughter can sense it she deserves to be in a happy home. If you can not be happy together be happy apart and allow the father to have his visitation with her. Furthermore NEVER EVER just stay because of the kids, that is the wrong reason.

As for counseling it only works if both persons want it to work and arent going just to shut the other one up. My husband and I fight its more him then me I'd rather just walk away our children dont need to hear it. And I can honestly say if I knew he had this temper before we married and had kids we wouldnt have married. It seems after I got pregnant and put on bedrest with our son everything went to hell in a handbag.

Answer 5

Boy have I been there. It was so bad that if my husband and I weren't screaming at each other at the top of our lungs we simply were not speaking to each other at all. Rough environment for our daughters. Yes we are still married. We fought about money and sex. Once we fixed the money problem( bankruptcy) everything else just fell back in place, for the last year and a half he has been my best friend, still lacking in the sex dept. but one step at a time. We never went to counseling, it just worked it's self out. What is the real issue behind the fighting??

Answer 6

you really need to just sit down with each other and discuss what you think may be the problems, let her know that you obviously care about her and you love being with her but that there's just some issues you think could use some work.. tell her to let you know of some things that might be bothering her and agree to work on it.. if this doesn't end up working out, seek marriage counselling.. just try with all your might :) and remember, people have their arguments.. its only natural.. i'm in a relationship similar to yours, we'd argue alll the time but we'd still talk about being together in the future.. we had a lot of fights that happened for no reason, it was truly getting ridiculous .. we then decided to use this method (telling each other what was bothering us and then working on it) and we ended up being great together! we've been fight FREE for about.. 3 months.. (we have tiny disgruntles between each other here and there, but even still we've learned to rise above it) if you really want it to work, it will.

Answer 7

I think you should both see someone. (a Doctor not a LCSW). The problem will be, you need to follow through & change the relationship., it's not working now. Seems you are both angry at each other and the fighting manfests into deeper problems as time goes on. I say don't give up. There was something which brough u 2 together, find it again. Your kid needs both of U..

Answer 8

Take your partner to a relationship counselor. You'll soon discover that you are

You will learn about "self-preservation" (the need to be right/justified, and convince others that you are). You will learn about the difference between perception and intent (the two are not synonamous) and empathy (consideration for the perspective of others). You will learn about your body's production of "new relationship" chemicals, and passionate love vs. compassionate love.

You will learn about how much damage you are doing to your daughter. You daughter is the one who is paying the price here.

While you two are being self-absorbed and selfish about each of your positions, you daughter is suffering. Kids find a way to make everything their fault. You are teaching her about what marriage is like.

Unless a dealbreaker had been committed (Cheating, financial deception, physical abuse) then THIS IS ALL FIXABLE. You just have to talk to an objective third party (not either of your family members) and learn about a few things.

And you have to be willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make things right. That means you have to be willing to give to your partner what you want them to give you. Give it freely without expectation (take the high road) and I promise it will come back to you.

Answer 9

That is a hard decision to make and a very personally one. It is one that you have to make on your own decision, but want make a comment about what your wrote,, "She (your daughter) is the only reason why we are still together."
I grew up in a family where my parents agreed alot. My mom stayed in the marry for her children sake. I think that was a poor decision for my family. The agrguing took a toll on me and my brother. I think it is important that parents remember that arguing with each other does not only effectt the adults but can effec their child too as well.
I know it is a hard decision. I hope it all works out.

Answer 10

Having a child together is not a good reason to stay in a bad relationship. Think of how it is affecting her now and how it will affect her in the future. Is it worth you being stressed out? He will still be her father even if you are not together. Who knows what GOD has in store for you. This could be your blessing.