He said I succeeded. I can not imagine myself being in that position. To start of, I am Rachael Smith and I dream to be an actress. I am into fashion music and love jewelry. As, I was saying, a man ran into me during the additions, saying I am selected one of the top ten girls in the new movie. I couldn’t believe my ears but, I was listing to something I always wanted to here. My long bangs covered my eyes and I couldn’t picture the man. I stuck out my hand and tucked my bangs behind my ears and looked straight at him. It was Mr. Knapp, my 12 English teacher. I took my bag and left the room. Rachael is a kind of a person who likes to extend her reach up above the sky. She tries to never give up towards her dreams.
2006-10-28 06:47:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Off instead of of. Dream of being.Use commas or change sentence to love fashion, jewelry and music. Auditions; end that sentence and start a new one -He told me that I was selected as one of the top ten girls to be considered for the new movie.
Could you get a teacher or a few friends to edit for spelling and grammar? I think your writing has a vibrancy. I wouldn't want to make you lose that. There is nothing wrong with re-writing a couple of times. Accomplished authors do that and have editors to help them hone their work. Keep it up. You have talent.
2006-10-28 07:19:42 · answer #1 · answered by Charlie Kicksass 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He said I succeeded. I can not imagine myself being in that position. To start of, I am Rachael Smith and I dream to be an actress. I am into fashion, music, and love jewelry. As I was saying, a man ran into me during the auditions, saying I was selected as one of the top ten girls in the new movie. I couldn’t believe my ears, but I was listening to something I always wanted to here. My long bangs covered my eyes and I couldn’t picture the man. I stuck out my hand and tucked my bangs behind my ears and looked straight at him. It was Mr. Knapp, my 12 grade English teacher. I took my bag and left the room. Rachael is a kind of a person who likes to extend her reach up above the sky. She tries to never give up towards her dreams.
2006-10-28 06:55:06 · answer #2 · answered by save trestles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This could take months !
I mean, where do we start ?
Grammar / sentence structure / syntax are a near-disaster.
Some parts are abstruse " I stuck out my hand and tucked my bangs behind my ears and looked straight at him. It was Mr. Knapp, my 12 English teacher".
Come again ?
And Rachel's metaphorical arms are absolutely OUT-standing.
I assume she suckled the sap out of a rubber tree as a baby.
Nice deal, get a full time assembly line job at the factory, and YET, sit at home at the very same time.
Beats telecommuting hands-down.
2006-10-28 07:02:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Auditions, Could Rachel have landed her first leading role? Was this adream? She could not focus for the rest of the day. All her thoughts were on the Auditions that day. She Questioned herself were my clothes appropriate for the setting. Was my tone in my voice good. When she got home she talked with her mom, telling her our next meeting is 2 days away.
2006-10-28 07:14:00 · answer #4 · answered by Dotr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AndNow she is living her dream! Finally everything she ever dreamed about was happening!She was finally being noticed!She Thanked God for never giving up faith,As the tears rolled down her cheeks!Tears of Blissfull Joy!And who said those nights of going to bed hungry wouldn,t pay off!Hollywood
2006-10-28 07:23:55 · answer #5 · answered by hollywood 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As in fix and finish writing it for you? Sorry hon, but everyone has to write a story for school eventually. I suggest you just buckle down, get off the computer, and write it!
2006-10-28 06:56:55 · answer #6 · answered by shivers_42 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Should be - to start out! - or off - not to start of.
" - Auditions - not additions.
" - listening - not listing.
" - selected "as" one.
" - could not "see" instead of picture.
" - "on" her dreams instead of towards her dreams.
Good luck.
2006-10-28 07:04:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Are you an same human being that writes for the unsolicited mail emails I acquire in my bulk folder from bogus inventory organizations? you've the exact same type!!! good luck such as your writing occupation, and thanks for both factors!
2016-12-05 07:56:46 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋