I am in the most destructive and horrible relationship but I don't know how to get out. We've been together for nearly 20 years (I'm 36) and have 3 kids. I want to do right by them, but the house they live in and relationships they observe are hell. how do women get out and move on? I see it all the time. What's their secret? I have a BA degree but can't work b/c child care is more than I'd make. My man doesn't make much as it is (my dad helps us out. a lot.) I don't want to be homeless again. I'm hurting my kids and crying all the time and desperate enough to go to strangers for help. Any ideas? Yes, I'm considering adoption to give them a chance. My heart is broken and my soul is dead. Thanks for reading.
2006-10-28 06:22:45 · 9 answers · asked by mollydolly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
been there...done that. was 34 when i got out. took my 14 yr old daughter w/ me. i'd been married 17 yrs...had no education (quit school half way thru grade 12 to get married). I enrolled myself back in school...got my business degree...and i've been manager customer service in a bank for 2 yrs already. it's scary as heck to go...i hadn't worked since i was pregnant...where was i gonna find someone willing to hire me? how was i gonna make ends meet?
u know what tho? it DOES work. you'll MAKE it work cause u love your kids and won't have it any other way. and besides, i think somebody looks out for us and life shines more favorably upon us when we're doing what we SHOULD be doing. we can sit and rot in the situation we're in...but if we're willing to take a deep breath and take a step despite how scary how it is...the rainbows come out and success and happiness are ours for the taking.
2006-10-28 06:50:13 · answer #1 · answered by meme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I wouldn't say give your kids away. maybe you can get some help though. If your husband doesn't make much money, you know you need to start working. Is he abusing you or are you wanting to get away bec you aren't happy with your life as a hole.
If he is hurting you or your children. I would move in with your parents, anything is better then that.
But if you are wanting to have a better outlook on life and your situation as a whole, and moving away from your husband bec of what ever reason it is... Then I would look into working the hours he isn't. Maybe he works days, start working nights. Then he can watch the children. Put some of the money away and give some of it to your relationship. You may have to start at a lower pay to get your foot in the door somewhere, but you have a degree. That should make you money.
Maybe you can have your children move in with your parents for a short time, so they don't see the arguing. or what not. Until you and your husband can smooth things out.
Until you can support yourself and children, you cannot leave. tart looking into what you can do. Home daycare. If you own your home, depending on where you live, you can right off part of the house payment. You can make good money this way, but need to be certified. Should have a web page for your local area to find out how to do that.
Hope this helps. I don't know your situation. But it sounds like you are dependent on other people. You may have that type of personality. I don't... suppose I am one of those people that can just walk away.
If you both feel the same way, talk it out with him. You don't need to leave on bad terms. Just work together... And if not, then just start to better yourself so when the time comes, you can walk away. But of course, you will always be binned together with him bec of the children... Hope this helps.
2006-10-28 06:42:24 · answer #2 · answered by snot nose 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off , don't stay in a bad marriage "for the kids". they will be worse off in the long run and probably end up in the same kind of relationships. There are programs out there that can help you financially with child care. find a place that works on a sliding scale. If your family is helping you out ask to stay with them for a while until you have enough to get your own place.
Adoption is a possibility but think about how you will feel after, always wondering about your children and questioning if you made the right decision. Before you make that choice talk to a professional, they will work on a sliding scale and there are a lot of free programs that can help you with these decisions. Give yourself 9 months before you make a decision like that.
there is help out there. try looking for a company that offers child care you can always work mothers hours whil your kids are at school. Starbucks is a great company to work for they offer health benefits and stock options.
Please don't stay in a bad marriage because you think you won't be able to make it finacially with out your husbands help. My mom did that and my brother and I witnessed some awful fights verbal abuse. It's not good for your kids or for you.
2006-10-28 06:48:28 · answer #3 · answered by Heather M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you may need to make a huge sacrifice. But I would think foster care would be a better alternative, because when you're ready, you can get your kids back. You need time for you: to get a job with that BA, and start to develop a skills set that you can transfer to better and better jobs. I sense you don't want to have to continue depending on your dad, because he's already done so much for you financially. You need to leave ASAP, because every day you stay, you lose more of yourself. Make a plan, make the necessary sacrifices, and get out. Don't let your fear stop you from taking the necessary steps. You gain strength with every step you take towards releasing yourself from your torment.
2006-10-28 08:28:07 · answer #4 · answered by Chatelaine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one.a lot of woman stay in destructive relationships because they feel they cant make it on thier own.My mother is one of those women.They stay because of the kids or because that relationship is all they know.They get brainwashed by these men,thinking that they are nothing without them.Its not easy to get out but if you love your kids you will.You just have to break free.Call agencys in your area.If he's abusive,a safe house may be able to help you or at least tell you someone who can.Call shelters,welfare,social services.welfare can help pay child care so that you can work and you might be able to get on Section 8 or subsidized housing and food stamps to help with rent and food.There are ways to move on.Theres help with counseling and all kinds of resources out there.but you have to want to better yourself and your life for you and your children.No one can help you if you dont truely want to help yourself.call around and if that person cant help you ask who can,network,get numbers,keep plugging away and dont take no for an aswer.There are options,you just have to want to find them and really work at it.Dont stay because you dont think you can do it on your own,thats what he wants you to feel.Men like that thrive on power and control.you would be better off on the dtreet and homeless with your kids then in a destructive relationship.Those kids are going to learn that its ok to treat ppl like that and you dont want the cycle to continue.Good luck.
2006-10-28 06:32:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband had a an identical courting along with his father. It simply broke right down to the factor in which they did not speak anymore. The household used to be a lot greater off with out him, because it sounds such as you and your household shall be with out your mother. It is tough to break free from anybody, particularly whilst you think you might have installed such a lot additional attempt, nevertheless it feels like she does not respect your or your little one and does not deserve you in her lifestyles. I could simply make a blank holiday.
2016-09-01 03:56:14 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the time you need to count on family. They should be able to help you out if you are serious.
2006-10-28 06:27:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How to get out of a terrible relationship? Leave!
2006-10-28 06:40:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you were my daughter I would ask for you and the children to com home.
2006-10-28 06:46:31 · answer #9 · answered by Pappy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋